You do a lot of little lines. Even on the outline of the figures... i guess that's is actually where it IS more noticeable because on the inside you can consider it to be more like hatching. So, what i am suggesting is that you continue with what you are doing but try a harder pencil to create some softer lines (or like me draw in colour pencil or with a coloured clutch pencil) for the under drawing and then go for flowing lines on the outside. See if that give you a more smooth drawing. However if this happens to be a style you are developing then so be it.