Jumbo Shrimp Jelly Cocktail!October 7, 2005: In what is being called the most important week in the history of marine biology, yet another new magnificent species has been discovered by scientists. It began as the research team aboard the USS Mysticeti sent a submersible to further study their newly discovered giant jelly. They followed the jellyfish deep into the highly volcanic Tonga trench and were astounded to watch it be promptly devoured by what the scientists have dubbed the Jumbo Shrimp. Measuring nearly a full league (4.8 km) from tail to head, it has surpassed the Japanese Spider Crab as the world's largest crustacean (by roughly 1200 times). After returning to the surface and putting on a fresh pair of pants, Professor W. T. Sherman of the research team said, "This is by far the largest organism the world has ever seen, and will ever see, because anything bigger than this would just be silly. Don't even try to come up with something larger, this is the absolute limit for believable size." The Jumbo Shrimp is believed to feed primarily on the schools of hundreds of giant squid swimming nearby.
Inset: School of giant squid.
Inset: Inset: A giant squid, which last week would've been hot shit to see, but now is just kinda neat.