Having worked memorizing skeletal anatomy all year, with only the arm and hand bones to go, suddenly the thought of practice seems intolerable. Like being stuck inside when outside the day is a glory of blue skies and sunshine.
I'm obsessively diligent and thorough, and feel learning anatomy is equivalent to learning musical scales. Of course what I really wish to do is compose beautiful pictures to satisfy an increasingly hard to ignore aesthetic craving, and enjoy the total absorption such work provides, but like a Raphael with No Hands, first I must learn to crawl before anything else.
I've given myself a five year plan of informal study, in which this year I work on the skeleton; next year the muscles and face; the third year perfecting gesture drawing and perspective; fourth year rendering, shadows and value; and the fifth year colour and experience with various mediums.
Now Starcraft 2 has come out and drawing is no longer the sparkly wonderful thing it was. In fact, I feel a desire to abandon it completely, like a capricious husband forsaking his newly wed bride in favour of a fresh conquest.
Should I resist the temptation, and continue doggedly with my drawing practice? Force myself to work, even though it feels like the dead end of the world, and all the wonderful things are happening elsewhere? Is this the narrow gate that only few pass through? The trial which must be overcome if one is ever to attain mastery?
Has anyone ever continued through this feeling for better or worse?
On the other hand, maybe clinging to my drawing ambitions will be like holding my breath? The greater I persist, the more complete will be the suffocation. Maybe I must let go, and refresh myself in another diversion, and if drawing really means anything to me at all, it will come back. Maybe a kind of duality must assert itself, whereby a sustained growth in skill must occasionally be refreshed by something different. Like in nature there is summer and winter.
Does anyone here have an unswerving interest in drawing, and such a dilemma as mine is incomprehensible? They cannot wait until their next chance to improve their skills? Is this why the great masters become so accomplished - because they have an almost savant monomania?
I feel once I attain a certain level of competency, where I am finally able to draw with some degree of fluency and express my ideas, this won't be a problem. If I feel like painting, I will paint. If I feel like playing Starcraft 2, I'll do that. My frustration is that I haven't even begun to explore my potential, and the clock is ticking. I'm scared all the subtle tricks I've learnt thus far could easily be forgotten.
Anyway, I would appreciate views and anecdotes concerning this dilemma.