I deleted this because it's years old, irrelevant, and slightly embarrassing.
Anyway, list what has made you depressed.
Last edited by OldJake666; February 22nd, 2011 at 10:53 PM.
One thing to try and remember is this will all change in a few years. Your life then will not be as it is now.
But you also have to want to make positive changes in your life and work towards them.
And if it gets really shitty, go see a counselor/psychologist or whatever. It's what they do for a living and they can help.
I'll be praying for you.
you need some sun and fresh air. GTFO and start jogging.
Sitting home all day without moving much your internal organs don’t get enough blood, of course you start getting depressed and down. That’s a number 1 syndrome.
You have to start changing your lifestyle because that is the origin of your depressions.
You might develop anxiety disorder or panic disorder some day. If you have this kind of symptoms
or if you feel very uneasy going out in public, looking strangers in the eye, you need to see a psychologist.
They have medication, antidepressants and they will help you to find the roots of your problem.
You need to move your ass, go out and make new friends. Go party. Do SPORTS, start running every day (you can run across your house if you are too shy to run outsie) you will see results after 1-2 weeks already.
Having depressions is usually a way of your body telling you that something is wrong, it often is a physical problem, too less movement, too less vitamins, dehydration, stress, going to bed much too late, lack of sun.
Get your shit together.
It does not take a scientist to tell you have depressions; a quick look at your painting is enough.
You sound almost suicidal.
It’s good that you posted, I hope someone can talk some sense into you.
And the number one thing.... TAKE RISKS!
It sounds obvious but taking big risks will more often than not result in something good . Its only when i started doing that did i start to get a lot happier .
(dont take stupid risks though, you still need to live life intelligently)
Well I have you as a friend on facebook and I see some of your status updates. I'm pretty jealous you're in San Fran. So that's something to be psyched about. It seems like a pretty cool place. You're about to or went to Coro's art show, another thing to be very happy about. That's two things right there about your life that are cool, at least in my opinion.
Making and keeping friends can be work sometimes. You may be a great person but it doesn't really matter if nobody can see it. You have to show people what you have to offer them, your friendship, humor, culture, etc. I don't really know what you do outside of school, but just go and talk to people. Even someone at a bus stop or something. Strike up a conversation about anything. I know it may seem silly to talk about meaningless things but it's the interaction that counts.
High school is complex, but it's over in a blink of an eye. There are good kids there, you just have to find them. They just might not be what you expect at first.
If you want to talk to a girl, just go up to her and compliment her shoes. That gives you a reason to talk, captures her interest, and you don't use any cheesy lines. Not saying that all girls care about is shoes, it's just an easy ice-breaker.
"Astronomy offers an aesthetic indulgence not duplicated in any other field. This is not an academic or hypothetical attraction and should require no apologies, for the beauty to be found in the skies has been universally appreciated for unrecorded centuries."
Seconding what Randis said.
Exercise and take care of your body!
Not only will that make you physically healthier, it'll also make you happier and more confident = nicer to be around = more friends!
And as for romantic relationships, these often start by simply making friends.
First of all, it's a great thread idea. With a kickass start!
It's better to rant to the internet than pour yourself out to a counselor, which they'll probably take too seriously. (Unless you have a huge depression problem)
You can take little baby steps to try and solve problems in your life, or you can go out and get a mutha' fuckin' revelation! Do something stupid, go to an extreme, combat your worst head-on, and try to live afterwards And then depression about little things like friends, love, family, can't touch ya.
What made me lil depressed today...My sister misplaced $180, and blamed me. I almost felt guilty enough to give it back to her.
Last edited by Irishdrunk; October 3rd, 2009 at 03:50 AM.
You know what's depressing me? My hernia's acting up again... It felt a little funny last time I went bicycling, but this morning it's really tender and painful. I had surgury what last April? and I'm hardly doing anything to upset it. Hardly any heavy lifting, and if I can't at least bicycle... I've been a wuss all my life and I've always promised myself to finally exercise and get stronger. I'd hate to be limited by this stupid hernia, forever...
If only my brother hadn't kicked me when I was four. That's when I first got it.
I have to third randis' advice. Apart from the therapists and drugs, you probably won't need any of that. I used to be overweight, long haired with worn pants and band shirts. Luckily for me i still managed to keep a close circle of friends. But no matter how you look at it, looking a certain way will always make people see you in a different way before they speak to you, no matter what kind of person you might be.
Exercise is a lifesaver. And a lifechanger. What randis says is true, a healthy mind requires a healthy body. And if you're looking for relationships, a healthy body certainly won't hurt. And its not just the "chicks don't like fat" thing, but being healthy makes you radiate a different kind of energy that people pick up on. Oh, and people ARE shallow. Every last one of us. We like healthy looking bodies, its not a choice, its not about being shallow, and its not about "not caring about the beautiful inner part of a person".
I used to be overweight, long haired and shabbily dressed. I didn't care about grooming too much either. Its not really a coincidence that my luck with the ladies wasn't the greatest. If you want my advice from personal experience, hit the gym, eat healthy, groom and get a haircut. I know that the knee-jerk reaction to the last part would be giving up your identity, sense of belonging to a sub-culture, selling out, mainstreaming, conforming etc etc. But you won't stop liking your music. Your personality won't change. Its hair. protein filaments growing out of your scalp. And if you want it back, it will grow back. There's no need to shout your musical tastes to the world, in the end its a personal thing. Long hair can also bring with it a certain amount of androgyny, and thats not gonna get the chicks' juices flowing - so to speak.
But yeah, bottom line: get some exercise. It will make you hotter, it will give you more energy to paint, play bass or chase skirts. It will make you less depressed, maybe rid you of depression altogether. It will also give you confidence, which helps the positive cycle spiraling upwards.
PS: Hating people is quite useless. It only narrows down your potential relationships with people severely. And don't forget to consider what other people might think, having a certain stance might make you blind to a lot of things. For example, if you see a girl in a pink skirt with bleached hair in science class trying to figure out how to work a computer with the biggest durrface, i bet you already judged her and locked yourself from getting to know someone potentially awesome. And on the flipside, when she sees you she's probably just gonna see a chubby metalhead and judge you accordingly, no matter what sort of wonderful things you might have to offer. You are in school right? People your age are usually very confused, with a need to belong, most haven't even really started finding their identity yet. One of my friends used to be a jock, is a semi professional bodybuilder and likes spraytan. If i had judged him on that i'd miss out on a really funny friend who is a linux geek, very intelligent and interesting.
Bleh, i hate sounding preachy. I just speak from my own experience, take it or leave it.
PPS: Don't waste your lucid dreams on substituting real world relationships. You can have that in the real world! (no really, you CAN.) If anything that'll turn you into a freak. Spend your lucid dreams slaying dragons, playing poker with attilla the hun or visiting mars, then you'll have something awesome to talk to girls about, instead of being awkward because you boned her in your dreams last night.
Oh, btw, there's always something to be depressed about if you choose to. The trick is to see the bigger picture and see which things REALLY matter. I don't see the point in these kind of threads. People get depressed over the silliest of things, and most of them are within their grasp to change. And even when things are out of your hands, focusing on all the negatives and how much your life sucks because of it is rarely gonna help. I hesitated to share this cuz i don't like whining and i don't want to sound like i'm digging for sympathy but i'll edit it in just to make a point; I have two herniated disks in my spine. They pinch the nerves going down my legs, and cause great pain. It keeps me from doing a lot of things a normal person can do. And since i had a herniated disc in the same spot, and got surgery for it when i was fifteen, the doctors can't operate on me again unless its an extreme emergency, because the accumulated scar tissue might do as much damage as the herniated discs do in the first place. Its probably only gonna get worse as i get older, and on top of the pain i might lose bowel- and watercontrol and other downstairs functions that no man would want to be without. But do i mope about it and let it depress me? FUCK NO! That wouldn't change a thing, and on top of everything else I'd be miserable. fuck that. Because of my back i have also developed sleep problems, which has made it difficult to keep a 9-5 schedule and job. No biggie, i'll work freelance. My girlfriend also had to leave the country for a month and a half yesterday. It sucks balls, but moping about it won't make her come back faster. I'll just look ahead and focus on other things. I'm happy, I have great friends and a wonderful girl, i get to work with what i love, and there's lots of adventure in the horizon. Life truly is great!
Last edited by Slash; October 3rd, 2009 at 05:26 AM.
Thanks Slash... hahaha
The part that really makes the most depressed is that I've DONE ALL OF THIS SHIT. I've been through a lot of therapy, I've taken meds, whatever. (That's the psychological stuff) I've lost about 40 pounds, I talk to more people than ever before, etc. (that's the socio-physical crap) And yet, in all of this, I've made utterly no progress... I have LESS friends than when I was first feeling depressed years ago and made a stance to change it.
My hair is actually quite well taken care of. I have "girl's hair" not "metalhead hair" hahaha. I don't know why everyone tells me to cut my hair, the ONE fucking thing I like about my physical self!
p.s. Slash, I don't "bone" girls in my lucid dream. I just can't stoop down to that, it'd be too awkward. Plus... you... er... wake up as soon as... er... not that... er... I'd know first hand... or anything...
Friends and romantic relationships do not a happy life make...
Other people are nice toppings to the icecream of life, but they aren't needed to enjoy the life-cream for its creamy goodness.
Find goals! Work towards goals! Be a complete person and fix whatever is wrong with your life!
Stop worrying so much what other people think of you and just chat with whoever is next to you (not because you want some long meaning relationship, but simply because you are bored and feel like chatting). Say something completely stupid and then just smile...basically, have fun!
If you really want friends, just start talking to someone....chances are they want friends too (or want more friends).
Life isn't so serious...loosen up and you will enjoy it a lot more (because people will respond to that and your enjoyment of life will spread to those around you...drawing people towards you and making you even more successful).
Oh yea, and exercise is good too....simply because it sucks to be out of shape and makes you feel better / more energetic when you get a little movement in your diet.
Perhaps realize that your happiness/mood should not be dependent on people and the relationships (you want) with them. Both of those have immense possibilities of letting you down.
If someone can accomplish happiness alone, I think their personality could radiate towards others as being a more approachable person.
My jedi senses are telling me that you're seeing this from the wrong angle. If you're telling me that you lost 40 pounds and still convince yourself that there has been no progress at all then there's something weird going on. Cuz losing 40 pounds is a positive change. I'm not a big fan of therapy and medication myself, it just helps cement the notion that there's something wrong with you and that things are out of your hands. It sounds to me like you're only focusing on the bad, not letting the good stuff cheer you up. The fact that you have less friends now might be totally random. Or you might be scaring people away with your skulls. Or you might have terrible breath without knowing it. Or your interests might be too obscure for anyone to relate to, and thus not making you very approachable. Would you want to be friends with someone who swore to techno and loved the club scene? I don't know.. Its highschool for pete's sake, like someone mentioned before, it will be over in the blink of an eye, and what goes on there won't matter as soon as you step out of those gates. Keep making positive changes and work on yourself, then people will notice. Don't try really hard to make friends, that usually only results in awkwardness and trying too hard-ness. Work on yourself, focus on what you want to change, follow your passions. Be friendly and positive and people will notice. Lose another 40 pounds, level up your art, play that guitar. Keep doing on the things that makes you happy, and don't sit around brooding over not having any friends. Talk to strangers. Join sketchgroups. Count the ups, not the downs. Start making positive changes for yourself, not to please others. The others will follow.
Gah i'm gonna make myself puke. I sound like a fuzzy happy self-help guru. At least i'm not telling you to embrace Jesus.
PS: DON'T WHINE! There's no bigger turnoff than whining, both when it comes to relationships and friendships. If you talk to a person that does nothing but whine about how awful everythign is, you're not gonna want to have that person as your friend. I knew a guy with similar problems to yours, i told him to stop fucking telling the story about his brother's suicide everytime he talked to someone new. Lo and behold, he blossomed like a social butterfly. (I'm not saying you're a whiner, i don't know how you are in person. Take this as general advice.)
PPS: i was halfway joking about the "boning her" comment earlier. Boning, holding hands, frolicking gaily in the meadows, it doesn't matter. The point is that it makes things awkward, will make you more and more detached from the real world, and is a real fucking waste of lucid dreams since you can have all that in real life.
Also, note my edit in my previous post.
//EDIT: If you make a mod delete the thread i'll find you and kick you in the nuts! I just spent an hour of my painting time playing self-help guru for your benefit!
But by all means, if it makes you happy, KEEP IT! One of my favorite things about having long hair was that i stood out. I didn't blend with the crowd. I could bang that shit like crazy at concerts. I'm all for individuality. All i'm saying is that your hairstyle isn't really part of who you are as a person. And if its getting between you and what you want, you might want to consider a change. Again, big picture, focus on what really matters to YOU.
Last edited by Slash; October 3rd, 2009 at 06:16 AM.
Dude, the thing is... Who wants to be a friend with someone who is depressed and down and fails to love himself for what he is?
Nothing will help if you do not accept yourself. Dont be skin deep, there is more to life than physical appearance, it does not matter how you look like, how you dress or what haircut you have. Its all about charm and character. Some of my friends are ugly as fuck and i love em. Hell, some of th most interesting people i ever met look kinda scary and spooky.
You need to cheer up and move your ass. a healthy body goes hand in hand with a healthy mind.
How hard can it be to find some friends????? Don't you have any hobbies? Just look out for people with same interests.
Are you a teenager? Because if you are, these "problems" will be gone in a few years, and you will laugh at your former self - or forget that you ever were a teenager altogether, like the rest of us.
However, if you are already in your twenties or above, I suggest you seek professional help.
Even though you said you lost 40 pounds and it didn't help, I still think you should try and go out running again. Running or even biking will get your blood moving and your mind off of things, on top of that it releases good hormones that will make you happier and feeling better. Running is one of the best medications out there for sadness and depression, and I've used it many times to get me out of a rut.
You also should take advantage of your situation, man. You are in San Francisco! You love art obviously, why don't you go outside on the weekends, walk around, bring a sketchbook, go to cafes and draw people. It's good to be outside, it will once again keep your mind off of things, and it will give you confidence. Join the San Francisco sketchgroup, find people through conceptart.org to meet up with and draw. You can make friends this way, and you seem like a nice enough guy and a pretty talented artist that I can't imagine you'd have too much trouble finding someone.
Doing those two things, you will see immediate changes in your feelings about yourself and your life. Friends will come with these things and your increased confidence. You'll start making friends whether you like it or not. High school can be a really rough time, or it can be fun. Most of how it turns out comes down to how you can spin your life for yourself. Take control of the situation and turn your life around for the better.
Good luck man.
Mathilda: Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid?
Leon: (pause) Always like this
Being depressed is not awesome, stop being depressed and start being awesome. True story.
self pity is a terrible habit to fall into and nobody can help you but yourself. so i just wish you the best and hope you can get the strength to pull yourself out.
also as far as weight loss is concerned: (the pics are actually in reverse for lulz). he went from a fat tub of lard to eh pretty cool guy who doesnt afraid wow
Last edited by B u r l; October 3rd, 2009 at 02:00 PM.
my tip for the whole talking to girls thing isssss..
dont try so hard ...O_O
Why do you want a relationship so bad.?
In all honesty i am the loner of my group of friends, i dont think ive ever hit on a girl. I just talk to people. To me its like like looking for something. I try to find something, but cant. And then a little while later it just appears.
just focus on what you want to do. Go chill with some people. Draw some hobbos, lick coro. And pop!! someone might just jump into your life.
: D if that made any sense. And make sure she doesnt have a boyfriend O_O it may look like a monkey....
I know you don't want to hear anything like "oooh jake I know exactly what it's like I'm just like youuuu" because that's a bunch of shit, every life is different and I don't know all the details of your existence.
We are fairly similar though: fairly socially incompetent, usually don't like our general direction in life blah blablah blablah...
the difference is I said "fuck it" a long time time ago.
Now it's not as if I'm some inspiring turnaround story (I'm not) but I try not to worry about shit like this anymore, and it's helped me focus. I do what I want. I make art, I do what I think is fun, and fuck it if people don't like it. Also unlike you, to many other people I seem pretty well adjusted. I'm friendly and funny in public, if I fall down I laugh. I make fun of myself when I fuck up; it's the only thing you can do in those situations Socially anxious and incompetent little me was also the speaker for my class, and everyone knew me as a pretty damn good public speaker. This "false confidence" never really developed to the point where it could become real confidence, but it can. It's a stepping stone if you can talk to people, seem open and friendly and sound like you know what you're talking about.
So my advice.... just be personable when you're around people. It's extremely hard for me still to get to know anyone on any sort of personal level (for example I never accepted invites to parties, even though they were coming at me. I even declined spending time with an art girl who was asking me to do something on a weekend, that's how socially retarded I am) but it really is the easiest thing in the world to say hi, or make a random observation about something, or smile, or to laugh at yourself when you do something stupid. It is easy. Just do that when you're around folks.
Funny enough highschool was pretty much the only time I made friends in my young adult life. I have a few lasting friends, some "cool" some not so cool.
This past monday I watched my neighbor die. My dad and I ran over as his wife called us, screaming into the phone. After we got him off his chair and on the floor dad gave him cpr for a good 10 minutes (he's a firefighter) before I flagged the ambulance and hurriedly got the wife's car out of the driveway. Even though they said my dad kept him alive, after 4 defibs and bringing him to hospital they couldn't get anything out of his weak pulse. He was a well respected deacon, an all around good guy and the church was absolutely packed for his funeral.
He was having a regular everyday mundane meal with his wife, the last person he saw, before he had his fatal heart attack.
That's a fucking wake up call, seeing a good man die. Now I'm not going to hit up all the clubs (well, there are none in the boonies here) and fuck everything in sight because death has me scared out of my soiled underwear, but I know now that I can't waste time regretting shit. Life's too short to be mad or sad. If I pass up a great opportunity? Fuck it I can't regret it. Just work towards the next one, and have fun along the way.
So now that I've done the guilt trip/scare thing, now's time for the pep talk;
Jake, you're an interesting guy. You had your stuff in... was it imagine fx? Or some cool mag lately? You go to concerts right? You make weird, cool art that a shit ton of people can only dream of making, you love music and know a lot about the stuff you listen to. I haven't done any of that, and I never go to concerts or really any social thing. Most people haven't done any of that. You've got a lot of cool things to talk about, and you keep on doing neat stuff.
Talk to someone. they ask "so what do you do?" you tell them or show them what you do, then watch as they shit themselves when they realize they're talking to a guy who does all sorts of art for bands, goes to concerts and stuff. You're more interesting than half the people on earth who go to work, go home, go out drinking and then go home again. Ask some girl to a concert. If she says no, then you haven't lost a damn thing. If she says yes, but the date sucks and you never see her again, well shit that's experience for the next time.
Don't think that if it does somehow work out, you're set for life because you have a girlfriends or friends. Shit changes, good lives get fucked up. You're getting yourself all worked up over a dream that doesn't exist; no one meets their highschool sweetheart and stays with them their entire lives, has millions of friends an no enemies and eats icecream until they die at age 94. Everyone has times that suck and times that are good. Everyone fucks up and misses opportunities. Just say "fuck it" and go with the flow. Stop worrying and learn to laugh at yourself.
I tell people about times when I've completely fucked up socially (did I ever tell you about the time I said "good luck finding them" to a classmate that said they'd rip my balls off?) with a smile and a laugh, because it's so akward it's funny. It shows confidence that you're secure enough to acknowledge your failings and brush them aside with humour.
I don't know how to make a big ending or wrap this up, bu I'm getting dizzy because I'm hungry so I'll just let you know that while my life is still pretty shitty and I'v got a lot of work to do, my delicious lunch is going to make me infinitely happy
Read your posts, looked at your blog. In order of how much you yourself think you're fucked up:
1. Get out and play (like 90% of the folks here suggest)
2. Sports man, really.
3. If that doesn't help: Go see a psychologist (and mean it)
4. If that's not how it works: Go see a self-help group
Not saying anything against the whole "Chin up" mentality around here, which works for most people, but if you suffer from major depression, all the chin-up in the world won't help you. I'm almost 10 years older than you are and I can tell you that I could have dodged some very ill situations and thoughts had I seen professional help earlier and more regularly. Seeing your age makes me think it might be a phase. But still, being without social contact is a severe situation to be in and it's harmful. So rule #1 and #2 apply in any case (really everything Randis said about movement is right, listen to him).
I'm from a family prone to depression and worries, I was raised with it, so to speak. All around my family history, I'm hearing of worries, one tragic suicide just two months ago. The important thing to consider tho is that it is not just the genes, but the surrounding people in general. That's why people tell you to be more positive about things. If you surround yourself with people and things that are good and cheer you up (not in the thread-sense of the word), you'll advance.
Oh, and get a haircut. I mean it. There's more behind this suggestion than you might think there is and most of it is not about haircuts.
Life has to be learned. No one knows how to do it without the lessons. The one thing you can't do is play truant.
Hope you'll be alright. And don't worry about the thread, it's fine.