Aiming to make a 10-12 page long story, and I need some good crits as I work things through. First page I'm putting up is only two panels, establishing shots, no words or word bubbles.
I'm kinda confounded for the second panel, I can't get the hand to look quite right, and I know I need to put some more time into rendering the TV set and the rest of the room. I'll update when I can since I can only upload stuff while here at work, and no connection at home.
Spots I noticed: Head up top, needs more creases in the skin to accentuate the feeling. The colors are intentional, I'm hoping they help raise the awareness of the anger and energy that's being expelled. Second panel... lots of problems.
E.] Well howdy doody, just noticed that the colors represented by the saved image aren't what I have down in the program. Gonna have to change it and update.
Last edited by Beezs; September 7th, 2008 at 11:33 AM.
I'd say that you need to take a step back and work on some thumbnails of the story layout. You want to focus on your storytelling first and rendering later.
Also the establishing shot is confusing. I'd pull the (TV?) back further to open up the space more.
The hand has some issues. The pointer finger is bent awkwardly and the fingers are looking like sausages. Hands are tough but luckily you can draw from your own (assuming you have two), so practice the pose you're trying to get too.
Good luck and keep posting.
Thanks for the input.
I do agree, the hands are tough, and I still can't get it to look right. I've photographed my hand in that position (almost an acrobatic achievement), had other people do a hand pose for it, and even the hand models from posemaniacs. I think you're right about the fingers being too sausage like, and pulling the TV further into the background will greatly help it.
After work tonight, I'll spend more time on this in the morning.
As a note, I do have thumbnails worked out for the panels, but my scanner is unavailable, and the person I borrowed the camera from, has since taken it back.
I agree with everything woobert said. One thing to think about is that an establishing shot can be extremely useful to put your character in a space and give you more leeway with the environment in the background in later pages. You have very little description for where your character is right now. the emotion is shown pretty well but im having a hard time figuring out what exactly your character is doing and how the two panels are related. Based on the headset it looks like they are playing xbox and rage quitting or something. or the power went out mid game. Try to find a way to put in a full body shot of him on the couch holding the controler, or something like that that would give the reader more info.