Search and Destroy

[lewicron]

Ok, I think this is finished. Please be as brutal as possible - I've just started putting a portfolio together and I need to improve if I want to have any chance of ever breaking into the industry.

[Jason Manley]

1. I am not sure where my eye should rest. There is equal contrast on all important elements all over the composition.

2. pure black does not print well. Saving your darkest darks for accents in the areas of focus can allow the eye to rest and for you to control your visual storytelling.

3. your colors are all isolated to single areas of the composition. try moving your colors around the canvas more and adding some variation in order to create color atmostphere. Use your color saturation to control focus (see gerome's works for examples)


All in all not a bad piece...but it shows your weaknesses with both color and composition...fortunately the latter is fairly easy to pick up when you know to work on it.

best,


j

[lewicron]

Thanks Jason, great crit

I think one of the problems with this was that the original composition didn't really look anything like this. I kept adding extra canvas and new elements and I think that has contriguted to the confused composition.

BTW, when you say Gerome, do you mean Jean Leon Gerome?

thanks again,
Lewis

[YVerloc]

The concept: I'm not sure what a suspension bridge is doing way up in the mountains And that's a pretty honkin huge flashlight he's carrying there. I like the overall mood, and I think the soldiers are decent examples of the genre.. but that ship is pretty weak. Is it a big ship in the background, or a small probe in the foreground?

The composition: It seems too flat to me. The dudes, the bridge and the ship seem equally important and equally near. Maybe make the key dude more prominent (bigger), and push the other elements into the background using a wee tad of atmospheric perspective. There's a lot of dead space at the bottom of the pic - either crop it out or shuffle the elements around to better make use of the frame. The main guy looks like he's hovering in the air - it's be nice to have a more definite about what the terrain and background are doing. How do they tie together?

Lighting, rendering and mood: It looks like dusk to me, but the colors seem pretty funky. If it is dusk, get some ref. If it's not dusk, then get some ref for whatever it's supposed to be. The clouds are over-modeled and too high contrast, I think. too.

Fun piece! I'm always in the mood for some post-apocalypse gasmask dudes.

I did an overpaint for you, based on my dusk interpretation. I started with the silhouettes, and moved them around and scaled them until I felt the composition was working a bit better. Swiped some colors from some handy dusk ref and slapped on a bit of rendering. Hope it helps.

Cheers

[lewicron]

Oh man, that rocks! Holy shit. Thanks!

Ok, I think I might start again from scratch on this on, applying the advice you've given.

When you say you swipe the colours from a ref., do you mean you sampled them directly?

Anyway, I couldn't of asked for better help, thank you!

[lewicron]

BTW, the thing in the front is meant to be a probe, it's indicative of the problems with the piece that that doesn't come across, I guess. It was an afterthought, tacked on at the last minute.

[lewicron]

Ok, here's the compsition that I've come up with. Dropped the Bridge, and am thinking about changing the time of day to something closer to mid morning. Foggy, over cast, kind of drab, yellowish sky, etc.

[YVerloc]

Nice! I can't wait to see the final!

[lewicron]

Thanks!

Slightly different version - enlarged the main guy a bit more. Bit tighter and more dramatic...?

[Tony Cruz]

Very nice redraw, Lew. Actually, I would love to see the your bridge in this piece; perhaps spanning the valley coming out from the left edge of the frame; the mountain on the left seems to have a lot of plain 'real estate' which could probably support the bridge? Also it may add to the drama of the piece if the flying vehicles were sort of coming over the top of the far end of the mountain to the left, and arching their way through the valley in a formation. Having three soldiers and three 'copters' seems sort of static. Sorry...just wanted to give you my objective opinion...I know I'll love this piece whereever you decide to take it. (EC from SF).

[ChaoticKnight]

Is this derived from that sketchfu "rescue mission" that you did? this looks much better so far. However, the front guy being much bigger takes a bit of something from the piece. Hes way to centered now, and with his size he over powers the piece, making it more of a character profile pic with a background behind him rather than a full piece. Hope that helps in some way. Good luck!

[lewicron]

Hey all, thanks for the comments and suggestions

EC - Thanks, I'll give the bridge idea some thought. The idea of the three choppers was to balance the the composition against the figures. Dunno if it's working or not...

ChaoticKnight - Yes it is. I love sketchfu, but you don't get quite the same level of constructive critique that you do here Do you have an account?
Any way I hear what you're saying about the main figure, I'll try reducing him and see how it looks.

In the meantime, here's a quick update. I'm having some issues lighting the shadowed side of his body, and working in more variety of colour. Also, his left had needs fixing. I'm trying to be looser with this, instead of tryig to render the shit out of everything like I did in the original. Let me know what you think - any critique is very much appreciated

YVerloc - I hope you don't mind, I liked some of the elements from your paintover so much that.... um... I stole them Namely the barrel of the gun and the way you did the eyes. ah... sorry...

[ChaoticKnight]

(Yes I do, I friended you too. )
Also, with the latest one you said you wanted to get an atmosphere of a foggy morning, to me it would look more natural if you added some more blues in.



Just a suggestion. Good luck!

[Sinaz]

Not to come out of left field with this-- but ever since your first composition, that "stepping-down" pose is bugging the crap out of me.

I think it's just a practicality thing (because I've descended that kind of ledge wearing gear and carrying a rifle-- and it's just not easy to 'step' it-- you've gotta jump or climb with a couple points of contact - be it your hand or your butt.) If I may recommend a bit of a hop with his palm planted on the ledge, or a smaller step down. I just think that a hand making a point of contact will add weight and credibility. At the moment, it looks like he's posing for the camera.

Otherwise, I have nothing to say-- the others are giving you the most valuable advice-- mine is more of a posture nit-pick.

[lewicron]

Thanks man, I'll work on it.