You've gotten a good lot of scolding. It's good. You say that you don't have the convenience of a studio or a local master. I think that a lot of your general egocentrism and doubt in art comes from this apparent isolation. If a teacher was anything worth your time he'd have pulled you out and done what we've done for your benefit. I think that the most important bit is that you'll have to love to learn. The finished result is (or should) never perfectly satisfy. The only real pleasure in art (for the artist) is the doing of it. I recommend you just look at some master work. Read about artists past and present. Your issue isn't the art itself but everything that attends it. Remove yourself from this sort of rat-race concept design for now.