"I've used a few of those but not with friends obviously. And it hasn't helped my social situation. "
Your po-faced victim complex might be something to do with that.
"You know, actually hang out with them. Also, I'd like to be able to talk to them about personal issues, and visa versa."
No wonder youre having trouble making friends if all you want to do is sit around complaining about your problems.
Whats wrong with having a pizza, smoking a bone and playing some Bomberman?
Or going rock-climbing or something?
"And as for a girlfriend there's, you know, a physical element."
Maybe youre gay? Thats nothing to be ashamed of. Own it.