the picture is really nice.
why is the word appetitive where it is?
when writing, you should use one tense throughout a paragraph or the reader will become confused.
phrases like 'all of a sudden' are extremely common in modern conversations and may not gel with storytelling set outside of current reality.
(im not sure if this is an exerpt from a story you are writing, or a story already written by someone else, so ignore these comments if they don't apply.)
You gotta know what you is doin so you don't get a bad lergy on your knob.