Join the club dood! :0I have to be quite honest with you, guys and girls. I`m NOT that good. I`m going through sketchbooks here, and those with 5* are WAY better than mine. Owners of those are diligent, hard working and really serious about what they are doing. They are constantly working on sharpening their skills by observing, reading art books and doing studies. I bow to them. And while doing so I can`t help but to feel like a cheat. Allow me to elaborate -
This weeks ChOW showcased some AMAZING art. Like - mind blowing. And by participating there, I hit a brick wall, realising that not only do I lack fundamentals in EVERYTHING (anatomy, color theory, perspective, you name it), I keep finding "rational" explanations and reasons why somebody is more skillful than I am (like "Ah, yea, well he/she is a pro, I can`t compete with that", or "Yea, they`ve been doing it for a long time, and I`m just 2 years into it", OR "Well, they went to some kind of art school and were tutored, I`m all alone, with just me, my 3 books, my crappy tablet and..."). Yadda, yadda, yadda. And what happens - I draw something. And then I spend 90% of the time FIXING what I drew, b/c I don`t know how to compose it (speaking about anatomy here...mostly). Did you know that all my chow entries have 30+ hours spent into them? Yea, I`m serious. Some even 50 hours. And you wouldn`t/couldn`t say that b/c they look plane, normal, ok. Now, If I did my studies in these 2 years, like I was supposed to do, can you imagine what my works would look like made in that amount of time? Pfff...I don`t even dare to think about it.
I fiddle. That`s what I do. I just fiddle around w/o knowing what I`m really doing here, and make 50 guessing strokes that could be done with one knowing stroke.
To elaborate a bit more (yea, I have a new favorite word) -
My first snowmancer wip that I accidentally (-_-) erased - looks cute, but that`s just it - it looks cute. All my work looks cute and cuddly, and that is not the style I want to be following. Where are the edges, textures, "fancy" lighting...where is an original, innovative design? Not here. Still, I ended up liking this one the most. How sad...
Second attempt. Going for a full "action shot" here...yea, as if. What is happening to her body? (which I tweaked like 15 times btw)? What in heavens name is that for a leg? After 2 years, I still can`t paint legs? Oh, come on...! And don`t get me started on her face. Did you know I STILL don`t know how a face looks in profile, not to mention not being able to paint it? Facial features always end up EVERYWHERE, and they end up looking morbidly pouting or something. Pure horror. That lion creature...Yea, I`m not going there.
Attempt #3. Going the "safe way" (super stiff chicks FTW, right?). WRONG. Again - the face. Solution - put on a mask! How to render her mask, though? Solution - fiddle! On and on, in endless circles. Her shoulders are LOST under all that fur (crappy design skills much?), and her hands...OMG, the HANDS! My worst enemy! I know - put on some more fur and hide them! That should do the trick! Body outfit patterns...yea, they`re overrated anyway. White tights - why not! Believable? Well, as long as you try to make it look "painterly", that should sell it! Oh, and don`t forget the excessive use of overlay layers, that will really hit the spot!
Now tell me...Is this what a 5* material is looking like? Go look at Mateas, or Yamas SB (to name a few), go back here and be the judge. Yea, I don`t think so either.
Before you say I`m being too hard on myself, I want you to know - I`m not trying to come off as sounding emo or attention need - ish. Hell no. I was faced with my own worst enemy - myself. For the I don`t know which time. And I just got sick of it. That part of me that is a quitter, that is used to getting things immediately, or just dropping it. The part that`s all "Yea, you learned fluent German withing a year, and you`re not picking this up? Shocking! How dare you! Well, at least you won`t study it all, so at least you`ll have an excuse. You will always have an excuse, don`t worry. And, OMG - what do you mean "references"? Only REAL artists don`t use references. Pfff...*snob*"
Well, dear THAT part of me - Fuck you. I don`t want you, I don`t need you, I don`t want to have anything to do with you. I know you`ll never be gone, but that dosen`t mean I`ll let you control me anymore. It ends here. It`s not me - it`s you. Don`t call me. Bye.
Hrmmm, drama queen much? But anyways, long story short - I have to get serious. I HAVE to do my studies. I don`t know where to start, but I have to START. And I`m tired of feeling like a cheat.
NOW I feel great. Damn it - I do. I really do.
So...LETS JUST FRIGGIN` DO THIS!