Ballad of A Man Named Jason Manley

**Tristan** · July 7th, 2003

It was a warm summer night at Denny’s when a friend of mine from college was reflecting on some of the great influences we've had of the past year. The teachers and artist that have honestly molded us in a defined way and continue to shape our skills every day. Of coarse many teachers from Ringling came up and even our favorite illustrators and concept artists. Though one name that came true and firm for both my friend and was that of Jason Manley.

It didn't take long for both of us to reflect on the great deeds Jason has done for both of us personally. A few days later when the topic was brought up again, few could argue that Jason Manley is one of our most under-rated favorites hands down.

I could go on but i'll just leave you with the antidote of when Grizzly bears attacked our college's fraternity picnic, Manley took on 6 or 7 of the beasts with no more then a busted bottle of Rolling Rocking saving the lives of us all and working up an enough of an appetite to down 3 hot dogs and assist the boys in a keg stand.

I'm sure he's way too modest to have told you but there were witnesses. We remember. Either way his artwork graces the face of my computer desktop quite often enough to make me remember why I slave so hard everyday in the art game.

God bless you Jason.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Like an alligator, Jason Manley can digest an entire turtle shell.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley is the godfather of my son. He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Jason Manley pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!" And my son is blind to this day!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my girlfriend, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley took a homeless guy off the street once and let him shower and shave. He gave him a new suit of clothes and fed him dinner. Well, Manley has him spend the night, and the next morning he hunts him for sport!

**mcotie** · July 7th, 2003

wtf?

**Scratched Glass** · July 7th, 2003

Manley brings across quite a many memories upon mentioning of his name. A man that knows no fear and knows no boundaries.

I myself, may not be here to this day if it wasnt for his courageous deeds and his oh so quick thinking.

It was 2 years ago and I found myself surrounded by FIVE very frustrated, very starving to death fine artists on the edges of Ringling. It was obvious they saw me as a bleak but very satisfying meal. Their barkmulch and collyflower paintings just hadnt been making the bills it seemed and they had snapped into some kind of zombie rage.

I found myself lying on the ground, in fear of what the people might do to me. The something happened that i would never have expected. A large flash of light that completely blinded my vision. When I could mane to see again there was no one there but a man and what seemed to be a very large cat!

I didnt have time to thank him before they were gone. But I knew it was Jason Manley. It could have been no other

He remains in my heart always. The Man, The Myth, The Legend.

The Manley.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley invented syphillis just to spite Napoleon.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

When Jason Manley took a drive in the Nevada desert and ran out of gas, he pissed in the gas tank and then drove all the way to New York City.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Did I ever tell you about the time Manley was a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune? It was his turn so he spun the wheel. Of course, Manley being Manley, he spun it so hard that it came of its moorings, decapitated Pat Sajak and slammed through the wall into the set of the Price is Right. Manley walked through the hole in the wall and Bob Barker proceeded to lecture him on spaying and neutering his pets. Well, Manley had enough of that and picked up Bob Barker and compressed him between his palms until he was small enough to fit on the Plinko board. And I'll be damned if he didn't win $10000 and a new Cadillac!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley once gave my son a pair of braces with nothing but a stapler and a bicycle spoke.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Every Ronnie James Dio song is about Manley, every single one of them!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley once drank two gallons of nitroglicerene to impress a chimpanzee.

c'mon people, show your love for the J-Man!

**mcotie** · July 7th, 2003

" do you ever think about the way I caught the rainbow, I'll be there where fire makes you dance!"

no shit? damn J.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Pete Townshend of The Who asked Manley to take over drums when Keith Moon died. At an unannounced club show in Milwaukee, Manley played a 27-minute drum solo during "Baba O'Reilly." At the end, Manley kicked over the drum kit, punched Roger Daltrey in the face and left, saying "I don't play church music."

**Tristan** · July 7th, 2003

Originally posted by Swedish Chef
Did I ever tell you about the time Manley was a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune? It was his turn so he spun the wheel. Of course, Manley being Manley, he spun it so hard that it came of its moorings, decapitated Pat Sajak and slammed through the wall into the set of the Price is Right. Manley walked through the hole in the wall and Bob Barker proceeded to lecture him on spaying and neutering his pets. Well, Manley had enough of that and picked up Bob Barker and compressed him between his palms until he was small enough to fit on the Plinko board. And I'll be damned if he didn't win $10000 and a new Cadillac!

TOTALLY reminds me of the time Manley found himself stuck hostage aboard the Spanish Armada of 1588. Made to eat at night so he wouldn't find the maggots in his bread, he stayed there for 15 weeks as they Spanish had their way. That’s when someone messed up...

Big time.

Allowing a crack of light to break through into his holding cell Jason saw a maggot and then used its guts to as some kind of cold fusion cell for powering his remote control helicopter later to be known as Air Wolf. The chopper destroyed the fleet, saving Manley allowing plenty of free time for pillaging and plunders ala heat seeking missiles.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Manley once kidnapped the cast of 'Family Ties', and forced them to act out an episode of 'Different Strokes' .

**arcane** · July 7th, 2003

So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Jason Manley and a live deer! Well, Manley, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I'm Jason Manley! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - "Jasonmanley!" It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer!

To Bill Braskey!...I mean Jason Manley!

Ballad of A Man Named Jason Manley

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

He hated Mexicans. And he was half-Mexican! And he hated irony!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

(I hope Jason is going to be reading these soon)

They once made a movie called Godzilla vs. Jason Manley....and Manley won!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Did I ever tell you about the time Jason Manley showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl. Well, Manley shows up... and you know he's a big fella.... goes about 7'8", 530. Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Manley! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Manley! We spend the weekend in the Poconos - he loves me like I've never been loved before!"

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

This one time, Manley burned a CD with nothing but the sounds of his bowel movements and the screams of his man-servants. It went triple platinum within the month.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

His business card is a Frosted Flakes box with a picture of Queen Elizabeth knighting Snagglepuss stapled to it.

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

Jason Manley invented a time machine using only a yellow highlighter and a pack of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. Wouldn't you know it, he ends up running into Jesus himself. Manley spits in his face and tells him to get a real job!

**Swedish Chef** · July 7th, 2003

I was on a business trip with Manley, and who do we run into in the airport terminal, but Bill Brasky! Manley drops his briefcase and charges at Brasky like a Barcelona bull. They crash through three walls, 2 Starbucks, and the cargo hold of a 747. A minute later, Manley marches out, using Brasky's scrotum as his new briefcase and his spine as a necktie.

**Grooveholmes** · July 8th, 2003

Originally posted by Swedish Chef
Bob Barker proceeded to lecture him on spaying and neutering his pets. Well, Manley had enough of that and picked up Bob Barker and compressed him between his palms until he was small enough to fit on the Plinko board. And I'll be damned if he didn't win $10000 and a new Cadillac!

HAHAHAHA, that makes my day.

**I.was.ink** · July 8th, 2003

OMGosh!

This is freakin hilarious?

**Swedish Chef** · July 8th, 2003

Jason Manley died for our sins.

And he needs to get his perfect ass over to the Lounge and check out this thread!

You know, he once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.

**cucaracha** · July 8th, 2003

I hope this will be moved to "Best of CA"

Man, where did you get all those sayings?

cu

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