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  1. #1
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    Missing someone so much it hurts...

    So, about for months ago I borke up with my at the time "live in GF". We had our issues like I guess every relationship has and for the last few weeks it hasnt been getting easier but, harder. I miss that girl so much now that I think its making me sick. Shes in Ecuador for a month, getting back around the 18th and all I keep on thinking about is how to get her back... I know alot of people get the holiday blues this time of year. We start to reflect on the year and the vents that have unfolded and I guess Im doing the same. How are we supposed to know when to give up or if somethings really worth fighting for... I mean yes, we drive eachother crazy but, I think its part of what makes us work. I dont know.... I know all my friends would say its a bad idea. To just let things go... But, happiness in life is the most important thing to me and she makes me happier then anyone else I know.. UGGGGGH... I think Im just rambling but, if anyone has any thoughts... Insightfull serious thoughts.. Not, "grow some balls you fucking pussy" or anything close to that I would love to hear them....
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  3. #2
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    dunno bout that worth fighting for line... rather ask yourself if it can work!
    she should keep you sane instead of driving you crazy. i mean girls will do that to you anyway but the other side should be dominant here i'd say...
    Last edited by Dan.v.D.; December 26th, 2006 at 03:46 PM.

  4. #3
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    well, I say "fighting for" cuz we've gone through this already and we keep on coming back to eachother. Ive been in serious relationship before but, this one has a spell on me. Can it work.... Yes, I think that we have to settle our sides and burry some hatchets and just enjoy life for the gifts it has granted us.
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  5. #4
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    Rob, once you told that she is an honest person... I am against fighting for love, I don't look at it like this. Free will is the base for a right relationship between two people for me. We don't owe people. But...
    I would say if you know that person is sincere and mature enough to give you her honest answer, what she has on her mind, I would suggest a good, deep honest conversation about how you feel and what is important for you and know her thoughts about it. This is in case if you prefer knowing truth, any truth ( which I think is your nature) than living in a fantasy.
    This is in case if you think her heart is still not occupied by someone. And even if you don't know it I personally think it is worth asking, to stop the agony and ambiguous situation. This is in case if you think she has a heart and able to understand you.
    If you don't trust to open your heart to her already now... well, don't ask and I don't believe anything really solid and good will happen if you two are back together. It might be a tolerable relationship still, but... with each of you having something to hide. Openness is better. .
    Ignore my words if you think they are wrong for you, buddy and hope you will be better soon.
    Last edited by sve; December 26th, 2006 at 01:48 PM.

  6. #5
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    Thanks Sve.. Yes, the best solution is just an honest conversation about everything. everything she wants and everything I want. Its wonderfull and fantastical to say that a relation should just eithe work or not work but, thr truth is that its always work. Just as long as the work is positive I think its good work... If that makes an sense... your right about "fighting" for love.. I think Im using the wrong word...
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  7. #6
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    it's worth it.....

    married 25 years.... it's not always easy... but worth it
    IMHO
    of course.. good luck and better times ahead
    chaos
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  8. #7
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    I can't exactly say I know how you feel, because I am only 15 and I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time, but there is a girl I can't get over and now she is in New York for a week. I tell her everything, and try my hardest to let her know that I like her....without making a complete fool of myself.

    The only thing that I think will be best is for you to trust yourself. If you actually think it'll work out, then go for it. Ask her opinion on the relationship, after all....honesty is a major part of a relationship. If you think you won't be happy with another girl, then try to at least be best friends with her or something.

    I'm not Dr.Phil though, but I hope everything works out.

  9. #8
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    chaos has me beat by two years, and I can honestly say it's worth it to stick it out... when the good times outweigh the bad, it is most certainly worth it.

    HOWEVER - If you have to fight that hard, it may be time to let it go. Plenty of fish in the sea, if you love something set it free, and all that cliched stuff.

    Here's hoping for the best.

  10. #9
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    Chaos- Thank you... I will keep the faith.

    xBrianx- thanks... Never feel foolish about telling someone how you feel. One of the worst injustices you can do is deny yourself a chance at happiness. If she happens to laugh or snicker then you know thats not a person that will value you.

    Prof.az- Thanks... Ive always been a believer of "if you love them set them free". Its the way it should be. Im going to see what happens when she comes back. Move slowly. Certain things are going to be changing in our lives soon. I think those changes would have a positive impact on our relationship if we get that far.

    Thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement.
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  11. #10
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    Hey man, if you look at it like an unfeeling robot - you've got nothing to lose, go for it man!

    You are right, happiness is the most important thing in life - get the girl back. If you want to be with her and she wants to be with you you'll fix your problems.

    Good luck dude!

  12. #11
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    "Ohh, man.. Take off the skirt and grow some hair on your chest sally.."


  13. #12
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    i agree with sve. I think you should just tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. best thing right now would probably be to get so that you're at least friends and complete. have no regrets type thingy....if that makes sense.

    after two years of hiding my feelings for a girl i finally told her just so i could try and move on. i thought by telling her all this stuff would freak her out and scare her away, but instead it worked amazingly and ive moved on in the relationship. we still arent dating yet, but i have high hopes that now seem closer now.

    good luck, and always remember theres plenty of starfish in the sea. i know that piece of advice is annoying as hell, but it's true.

  14. #13
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    Insightfull serious thoughts.. Not, "grow some balls you fucking pussy" or anything close to that I would love to hear them....
    sorry, but this IS what you need to hear.

    Pick up your balls and move on dude. Christ!
    BTW, Why would any guy want to live with a girl??! Marrriage requires that crap.
    "If one advances confidently in the direction of
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    unexpected in common hours."
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  15. #14
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    Don't mean to sound harsh, but seriously, you will meet thousands of girls. NEWS FLASH: There is not only one person in this world for you. Have fun man.

    Once again... MOVE ON!!
    "If one advances confidently in the direction of
    his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he
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    unexpected in common hours."
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  16. #15
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    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by otis
    BTW, Why would any guy want to live with a girl??!
    I can think of several reasons, they should be pretty obvious
    Last edited by Flake; December 27th, 2006 at 04:53 AM.

  17. #16
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    Don't fool yourself by dragging on a failed relationship any longer than you already have. One very important life lesson that I've learned is that when a relationship ENDS, it ends for a reason. You're never going to stop loving that person, but it's never going to work romantically. Once you decide that enough is enough and you break it off for the first time, that is the signal to move on. Yeah it sucks but you're going to have to learn to deal with it. Everyone has one of those relationships where the fights are incredible, the sex is incredible, but you're just not compatible. When you've found the woman you're going to marry, you'll know. I met my wife and was married 3 months later. We've been married for over 4 years.

  18. #17
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    all i can say is, think about her. love is not selfish.

  19. #18
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    Here's a good question to ask yourself in such times...

    Do you miss *her* or do you miss what you wanted her to be?

    Oftentimes when you just get out of a relationship, you go through a mourning period and wish you had the other person back. Generally speaking, this isn't because the person was right for you. It's because you had expectations and hopes for the relationship... it's these you miss.

    Also, generally speaking, a relationship won't work the second time around if the problems that caused it to end in the first place aren't somehow removed or sufficiently dealt with. Don't get back together with her until you know for certain that this is the case.

    I'm a believer that if both people want enough for a relationship to work and are willing to do what it takes to make that happen, it takes something pretty extreme to stop it.

    But remember, if she doesn't want you enough to do that it takes to keep you, she's a moron and doesn't deserve you. I don't know you, but it's something everybody needs to believe about themselves. Good luck with it
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  20. #19
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    Well, I was pretty siked because she called me last night right before I was leaving from work.. Totally changed my mood in a blink of an eye.

    Im not going to drag anything out more then it needs to be. I know when to can a quits. Ive done it many times before and I'll do it again. Of course there are many fish in the sea. And maybe to a certain degree I do need a little more hair on my chest but, I think that sometimes people give up too quickly... the first sight of trouble they run. they dont want to deal with the issues or problems.. And if thats what works for them then thats fine but, nothings perfect and even though it typically seems that way from the get-go it never really is...

    anyways.. Thanks everyone for their kind advice. I look forward to what the new year has to offer...
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  21. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by xbrianx
    If you think you won't be happy with another girl, then try to at least be best friends with her or something.
    you probably arent old enough to figure this out yet. But that is the dumbest idea in the world. trust me.

  22. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetoblivion314
    you probably arent old enough to figure this out yet. But that is the dumbest idea in the world. trust me.
    Not true.. I think its a matter of maturity.. I think it takes some time apart but, I'd much rather have her in my life as a friend that not have her in my life at all... I mean after all... She was my friend before we started dating.
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  23. #22
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    ehhh i didnt read every single post in this thread, but i'll tell you what i know from personal experience:

    about 98% of the population seem to get the words 'love' and 'attachment' confused. they're with someone for so long that they become used to each other. and no matter how much they fight or drive each other nuts, they just wont let go of a bad thing cuz they get caught up in nonsense like:

    - well all couples go thru tough times..
    - its just that we've been thru so much..
    - we have our good moments..
    - i just cant imagine not having them in my life..

    and bla bla bla... everyone always has an excuse, but they complain about how much it sucks to have to deal with it. it breaks down to this:

    not EVERYONE you meet will be the perfect match for you, so STOP expecting it to be so. if it doesnt work, then it doesnt work. move on to the next one and so on until you find the one thatd DOES work. the more time you waste tryin to hang on to this relationship or this person, the more time you'll 'waste' when you've finally moved on. you'll look back and feel like an ass for having drawn it out for so long... so just get on with it.

    someone already mentioned about all the fish in the sea.. so try a couple, dont get caught up with the first or second one you caught, geez.

    and you'll KNOW when its right.. when it works. cuz you wont be in situations like this and everything will be good and you'll both be happy.

    this is what ive learned thru my escapades and i am indeed now very happy.. just wish i had learned this sooner.. best of luck - JAG
    it's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything..

  24. #23
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    Ive had a few bad experiences with men who think that 'fighting for love' is the right way to go. If you guys broke up then in all likely hood shes over it already.

    Its not worth it.

    In my experience all of the men who have continued to chase me after we broke up weather for a few weeks or months or years I usually ended up being full of contempt annoyance and bitterness about them. If you just let it end, recover yourself and really reflect on what went wrong with a clear and objective head then perhaps you can try again. But right now, you run a huge risk of alienating your girl even more and not really considering what went wrong between you.

    On the other hand if she comes to you then you might have a chance but I think that you should really value this opportunity you've been given to reflect on your relationship and learn to be happy alone.

    sorry if it sounds cold but i thought it might be nice to hear it from the girl's perspective.
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  25. #24
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    Sympathies mate - exactly what I'm going through right now. Fucking hurts. It's already few months for me but still - reading stuff like this, knowing exactly how you feel - makes me feel like someone's sitting on my chest.

    I also fought for a while. It was the worst couple of months in my whole life. Then decided to let go. Figured out that since I loved her the only thing I can do is to let her go. Disappear from her life. Not make it any more messy than it already was for both of us.

    Good news is - it goes away with time. Pain goes away. Memories don't come hunting you that much anymore. She occasionally appears in your dreams, sometimes you find something she gave you, photos etc. But with time it doesn't make you want to jump out the window ... that much

    Take care

    Oh - and the friendship "after the fact" thing - I never understood that idea. Being friends with you GF/BF is the most important thing in relationship, but for me - when the relationship ends there's no friendship left. That's just the way it works IMO. Whatever you'll try to build after breaking up - will never be a real friendship.
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  26. #25
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    Im still friends with most of my ex's...and I get to bang em whenever I meet up with them...you know..."for good ol times sake"..he he

    There is an old and super corny saying that says something like...
    :If you love something-let it go, if it comes back to you its yours but if it doesn't it never was
    ...something like that...I've always used that in my previous relationships and it has always worked out for the best. Now grow some hair in your nut sack ...
    J.L. ALFARO


    "Be who you are and say what you feel,because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."
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  27. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by vigostar
    Not true.. I think its a matter of maturity.. I think it takes some time apart but, I'd much rather have her in my life as a friend that not have her in my life at all... I mean after all... She was my friend before we started dating.
    Believe me the complications from everything will not let a friendship last. Having feelings for someone cannot be put aside for friendship. They are far to complicated and you will regret it every moment. You'll wish for something more but you know you cant have it. You give up hope, but not just in that one thing, in alot of things. Its a horrible way to go about life.

  28. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetoblivion314
    you probably arent old enough to figure this out yet. But that is the dumbest idea in the world. trust me.
    Agreed, the friendship thing rarely works out. Best move on.

  29. #28
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    Well, on this whole "friendship" topic... Im still friends with 3 of my ex's and we have great relationships... We talk pretty often and have great conversations.. Actually the best part of having a relationship with an ex is that they will give you the best advice because they know how you operate... I dont have a personal issue with that sort of thing..

    Thirdeye- Sorry to hear that bro... Alot of the times all this crap is easier said then done and the easy way out is usually doing whats wrong and not right. The only thing I can say is use all of that energy you have from that heart ache and transfer it into your artwork.. Unfortunately when I feel down I cant draw for the life of me... so, Im fucked basically.

    Thanks again everyone for their comments. Always interesting to see a nice range of comments and advices..
    Mainloop- man i must be dyslexic.. cuz i thought you asked how many people are on lsd

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  30. #29
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    I get on fine with one of my exes, I went to the same Uni as her new husband and we'd often bump into each other during smoke breaks etc, he's a cool guy as well, no problem really.
    There are another couple that I'd quite happily hang out with if I met them down the pub or something.

    In fact there are only really one or two in the "evil hellbitch that I never want to see again" category..
    Last edited by Flake; December 28th, 2006 at 11:29 AM.

  31. #30
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    i've gone through something VERY similar like a month ago and i know how you can actually suffer physically from loosing love. some people are giving crazy advice here. i don't know u and ur situation so all i can do is assume a couple of things. but your're so right about being lucky is everything that counts. my advice would be, use the time alone to look at her from a distance again. try to see her core and find out what makes you love her and what connects you. probably in the beginning of your relationship you weren't "driving eachother crazy". sit down and find out what exactly changed. find out how your behaviour changed and hers. do you like how you changed? if not, change it. look for misunderstanding between you and her. try to understand her point of view and how she might feel. try think about how you both behave in a fight. in my experience problems usually start in a series of disappointments. the more u love somebody the more it hurts if he/she disappoints you or when you feel like she might have dissappointed you or changed in an unpleasent way. it's kind of vicious circle. you get disappointed and without noticing change your behaviour and probably disappoint her with that and then she is hurt and changes more and so forth. when people break up a long time relationship they are just always like "i just don't understand him/her anymore, he/she isn't the person i used to know". sometimes that's true and people change of course. so like i said, try to look at her from a distance and see the person she is and the person you are / might have become. what kind of person do you want to be? analyze the way you discuss and start to be the most conscious about what the words you choose exactly communicate to your partner. it can be quite hard for a man to discuss with a woman and vice versa. often they have a different style to say things and without noticing misunderstand or even insult eachother.
    oh well, does any of this make any sense? i hope so. all i want to say is don't give up before you know that you're not giving up the love of your live. sometimes very little misunderstandings and a lack of communication can build up to a confusion between partners that even the truest love won't survive.
    do what makes you happy and if you want to just stay friends with her do that. maybe even after some time have past you might come back together or you'll find the best 'good friend' of your live in her. don't rush anything. time will tell.
    all the best to you man!

    oh and on the "use those emotions to create art topic" - i can't do it either when i'm too devastated. but the memories of those realy sad moments wlll be very worthy whenever you need to communicate something similar in any piece of art. wheter it's a story, painting or a song. just like method acting. so even the darkest moments in your life will enrich you in the end. even if you're not aware while you're down.
    Last edited by janni; December 28th, 2006 at 12:36 PM.

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