v0rbiss' guide to the only right figure drawing techniques!

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  1. #1
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    Exclamation v0rbiss' guide to the only right figure drawing techniques!

    Hello everybody! I was amazed at the sheer volume of questioning threads created around here, in wich people ask for general tips about drawing in general, and mostly, by the completely misguiding and downright wrong advices given by the so-called "pros" in reply.
    So, I've decided to compile all of my artistic wisdom on the subject matter, so that all the aspiring new artists around the world won't feel lost and helpless.

    Table of contents:
    I. Why draw figures from life at the first place??
    II. General tips for the beginners(n00bZ0rZ).
    II.1 Introduction
    II.2 BigLies about art education in general
    II.3 Materials you'd need.
    III. Step-by-step simple to follow guide on approaching a life study of the human figure.
    IV. Random Priceless gems of wisdom.
    V. Closing words.

    I. So, why to draw humans from life, you may ask. That's a very good question, and I, for one, think it's a complete waste of time. Anyhow, if you want to make money or join the snobby fine art society, you'll just have to.

    II.

    II.1 Untill now, you've only drawn countless hentai-manga masterpieces, or exquisite spider-man fanart, or a mix of both. You are happy with them and you dream of joining the games or comic industry in the future, because, well, we both know that this is your fate! Unfortunately, those fools that work in the field now, and are the main factors in choosing the new godlike beings joining their ranks, are jealous of your talent, and try to hinder you, by requiering some stupid "academic" training before jumping in the jacuzzi filled with cash. No problem, we can show em that's not going to stop you from reaching your goals!

    II.2 I guess that by now you've searched the net for more info about the right way to start and such, and aparently, you've come to some very shitty places for good advice, like this one. Don't worry, you now got me to guide you trough!
    Let's take a look at the most funny/untrue things regularly repeated here.

    BigLie#1: "You need to read some "art books"". Hahaha, I laughed so hard on that one! So, some old fart thinks he knows how to tech YOU how to draw...please. That's just a regular scheme by the evil money-sucking book industry to get your precious $$$, so they can chop more trees!

    BigLie#2: "Learning the fundamentals before even approaching a life drawing class."
    Yeah, right. If those pathetic bufoons can't draw before knowing about color-sciense, those liney-focusing theory, or human biology, well, thats their own damn problem! You can do just fine using only your pure GOD-GIVEN talent!!!

    BigLie#3: "You need to know about art history in general!" Pff, you don't really need to know what those idiots in the past have tried to do! We all know that the humans even two decades ago were half as smart as us. Imagine how stupid those guys from the "Renasans" must have been! :

    II.3. Now let's see what you'll need for drawing from life!
    Remember to buy everything from established fine art supplies stores, anything else is crap and sub-par for your artistic level!
    -Pencils: Buy some of those, just make sure that you get the most expensive ones! Those are the best ones, of course!
    -Charcoal: Don't bother with that shit, it's messy!!!
    -Sketchbook: Look above at "Pencils".
    -Eraser: Look above at "Sketchbook"
    -Some paper. Don't look anywhere, that's just paper, how complicated that can be? Geez....
    Tips: Always sharpen the pencils. I've seen a whole thread here dedicated to this simple activity. The best way is to use pencil-sharpeners, of course!(morons!) That's all you'll need for a good start.
    $600 should be enough for all those things.

    III. The great moment has come, you are sitting in a room with (hopefully) naked model, you are looking badass and shit, your materials standing by you and the piece of paper of your choise....and you find yourselve overwhelmed with the sheer complexity of the task. Fear not young padawan(retarder SW geek, too), for this isn't hard at all, you just need to follow my step-by-step guide and the results will follow instantly!

    1. So, maybe you think it's time to draw the main shapes of the figure, or some other BS you've read somewhere? Wrong! Infact, you don't have to think at all!!! Thinking during drawing is a major flaw, wich only few enlightened artists have overcame completely. Yeah, and the small children, those smelly brats...Anyhow I just can't stress this enough: stop thinking! Once you've purged every single tought out of your head, get your pencils and create PURE ART!!!

    2. So, you're toughtless, holding a pencil and just drawing outlines on the
    paper. Good! At this time, the "mentor" that inevitably lurks around, trying to hold you down, will most likely come near you and suggest you to "arrange the composition", and "mark the larger masses" or something like that. I think that by now you'll know what exactly to tell him! No, not that, swearing is bad! Tell him "I'll do my best, it's just that it's my first time and I need time to get used to it" HAHA, you've just made the poor bastard think that you are actually listening to what he's saying. Now you are free to continue with your mission!

    3. When you feel that you've filled sufiscient space on the paper with human figure, the most important part follows: SIGNING IT! Try to burry your softest pencil deep into the paper where the majestic drawing underneath won't interfere too much with your signature.

    4. Superb! Now go and enjoy a drink or some smokable drug with your fellow students for a job well done!

    IV. Some random tips on true art:
    -never experiment, do the same shit over and over again, you are becoming an expert on it, why bother with something else!?
    -a good drawing looks messy and "fresh", fuck those fools who try to catch some "values" or "render it perfectly"...
    -don't trust anybody! Everybody who is involved in art is your competitor, ergo, enemy. Act as they are your friends, and when the right time comes, stab them in the back!

    V. Thank me for reading this unique and perfect guide, now you owe me your soul for allowing you to enter into your desired art career field without breaking a sweat!
    And always remember: YOU ARE UNIQUELY GIFTED AND SIGNIFICANTLY ABOVE EVERYBODY ELSE, THEY ARE JUST JEALOUS, THAT'S WHY THEY AREN'T LIKING YOUR BALLS AND BEGGING YOU TO JOIN THEIRE PUNY "ILM" COMPANY!

    ~v0rbiss, and thanks for the soul. xxx

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  3. #2
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    erm.....

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  4. #3
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    AHAHAHAHAHAHA

    This is so great...

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  5. #4
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    "I used to be a struggling and pretentious loser, but after I applied myself to the Teachings of Vorbiss, I've become a successful Master Artist with lots of money and chicks!" - Squidmonk3j

    In the future, everyone will have 15 minutes of privacy.

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  6. #5
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    "Vorbiss taught me 3 things. Chicks dig artists, chicks dig choclate.... paint with choclate." - Evil Sloth

    lol this thread reminds me of a few marko threads

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  7. #6
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    "I laughed. I cried. At the same time." -Justin Oaksford

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  8. #7
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    "$600 should be enough for all those things." <---FUCK, for a pencil and paper sheets?

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  9. #8
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    I find it revolting that utter crap like Star Wars could be associated with such genius art advice, where did all your taste go?

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  10. #9
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    If only I had this guide sooner... I would be rich now!
    I hope there's still time!

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  11. #10
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    Oh, it hurts! Make it stop!

    I think you are awesome, and I wish you the best in your endeavors, but I am tired of repeating myself, I am very busy with my new baby, and I am no longer a regular participant here, so please do not contact me to ask for advice on your career or education. All of the advice that I have to offer can already be found in the following links. Thank you.

    Perspective 101, Concept Art 101, Games Industry info,Oil Paint info, Acrylic Paint info, my sketchbook.
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  12. #11
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    I've been doing it wrong for over 40 years...!?!

    I...hate myself...

    No position or belief, whether religious, political or social, is valid if one has to lie to support it.--Alj Mary

    Ironically, the concept of SIMPLICITY is most often misunderstood by simple-minded people. --Alj Mary
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  13. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilaekae
    I've been doing it wrong for over 40 years...!?!

    I...hate myself...
    Go into the light and joiiiin USSSSS


    But seriously.... I think nOObe is going to be exstatic over this thread.

    Who exactly is this minjit you ask?
    Rorke's Sketch Book of Doomy Dooomm!
    I don't want to go mommy...>.< you can't make me!

    I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
    --Robert McCloskey quote
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  14. #13
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    wowie!!!!!
    To draw your supposed to go brain dead!??!?! You must be a master of not thinking Vorbiss! -sigh- If I'd only known!

    ¡Que Viva El Concept Art Atelier!


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  15. #14
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    You sure have a lot of time in your hands...

    LONG LIVE YOKO KANNO!!!
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  16. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icon
    wowie!!!!!
    To draw your supposed to go brain dead!??!?! You must be a master of not thinking Vorbiss! -sigh- If I'd only known!
    Well, thank you for the kind words! And better later than never, don't you think?

    I'm very unhappy to see so many ppl here finally grasping the truth about art, that means less millions of $$$ for me in teh future. W/e, I've seen too many guys who follow my agenda without ever knowing about its existance, so I guess it's ok.

    P.S. Everytime you lay your eyes upon dull/uninteresting/ugly piece of art, thank the everlasting human stupidity, not me. Even I don't consider myself that great!

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  17. #16
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    It sounds as if you've had some really terrible experiences in drawing classes. Don't let it rob you of your passion. Have you looked at Nicolaides, "The Natural Way to Draw"? It was originally written for people without access to drawing classes...if you can get together with a fw friends and hire a model or pose for each other ,you could use this book to teach yourself. its not the whole story, but its a good beginning.
    Good luck.

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  18. #17
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    well done sir

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  19. #18
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  20. #19
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    Yeah, my "humor" is a big one, not easy to grasp!!

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  21. #20
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Hey v0rbiss, what happend to you ? You where run over by a car or something?

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  • #21
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    Thumbs up

    @ Dile: Yeah, something similar.... university rolled over me.

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