It's a very static composition. What makes it static is all the perfectly vertical lines.
The text bubbles don't have an obvious first-second-third order to them, and the line about people scattering on a bus makes no sense.
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I don't think the city is too bad (good perspective), although I would question the centrality of the bus. Maybe it is just a little too centered to get the eye moving? It is pretty static.
Mainly I would suggest trying to get the figures and action matched up with your dialogue better. For example, "The subjects are spotted..."
And maybe vary the poses of the soldiers to suggest the intensity of the situation. Right now, and I'm sure this is a very early sketch, they are just vertical lumps. Maybe even if one of them looked back towards the veiwer it would draw us in more.
Hope that helps. Good luck with the contest.
Last edited by K.I.D.; September 20th, 2006 at 12:41 PM.