Why I been gone...(Gross-don't read while eating)

Join 500,000+ Artists

Its' free and it takes less than 10 seconds!

Join the #1 Art Workshop - LevelUpJoin Premium Art Workshop

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 55
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Pennsylvania
    Posts
    7,134
    Thanks
    8,227
    Thanked 5,581 Times in 1,786 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0

    Why I been gone...(Gross-don't read while eating)

    Sorry, I haven't been active for a few weeks, and I've been gone completely for the last week or so. Here's why...maybe you'll learn a lesson from it...at this point, it will take me another two weeks or so to get back up to speed...

    (I posted this on my other favorite forum two days ago...)




    Almost bit the big one...again...

    Over labor day (Sept 1-4) I had to attend an event for which I had to do some cooking at home. When this happens, I turn into a raving lunatic and get absolutely no sleep. Things get left behind. Things get forgotten. Like which bag of leftover mashed potatoes and onions was good and which was accidentally left out for 36 hours on the counter top...

    Guessed wrong.

    A week later, looking for something to eat, found the bag in the frig and fried it for a quick snack. Threw up four hours later, and the "runs" started about an hour after that. (This was Friday night)

    Figured I was being taught my usual lesson for stupidity and settled into the bathroom with appropriately placed dust bin in front of me. This went on through Saturday and Sunday. Just when I thought the worst should be over, it went down hill and all hell broke loose. Sunday night through Monday, I passed pretty near a pint of blood, and my throat was so raw and ripped up that I couldn't talk. At this point, I hadn't slept in 4 days. 10 pm, called the horse lady at work and told her to come get me. At this point, I had lost 16 pounds ( a good thing!) in four days, couldn't eat or drink, and was passing out at random moments and crashing into the furniture...

    Emergency room (11:30pm)

    "What's the problem?

    "Fairly sure it's acute infectious diarrhea. Four days, caused by spoiled potatoes."

    "Well, why don't we let the Doctor determine that?"

    "Why don't we let the doctor stand behind me and I'll give him a demonstration complete with samples?"

    Ushered to little room, disrobed and hooked up. Explained everything. Everybody very competent and understanding.

    Doctor: "How are you so sure it infectious diarrhea?"

    "I'm old. I know every symptom for every disease on earth that I could get. It's what I said, or I was kidnapped by aliens on Friday and the fuckin' anal probe broke off and it's still in there."

    "Hah! We've already had two of those this week, but not from your area, so I'm guessing you're right."

    Lots of stuff stuck in me, lots of stuff taken out. Now 1 am, and Suzanne (wife) hasn't had any real sleep for two days (a minor miracle for her) so I sent her home.

    Little girl in green comes in and says,

    "I want you to drink these two pints of glowing gunk that tastes like a combination of plaster and moose piss delightfully flavored with some unknown citrus chemical...and hold it in for one hour."

    "Say what?!? I have explosive whatsit and you want me to do what?"

    Negotiations ensued. I lost. Drank the crap.

    Was supposed to go to CT scan at 3:45. Now 3:46 and I'm alternating between curling into foetal position and jumping up and down in the corner.

    3:47--grabbed the medical coat rack with my fluid inputs, started dash for WC 12 feet across hall. Lost shorts forever 2/3 of the way across hall. Made the potty...sort of. Spent 10 minutes cleaning up, opened door and nice girl with wheel chair standing there said,

    "Cut it too close, didn't I?"

    "I'm not doin' that again, and I hope you're not a prude 'cause I got no pants."

    "Hop on. We'll make it work."

    Went and had first CT scan I ever had. Interesting. She explained all the little diddles and pictures to me and showed me how it worked and stuff. Fell asleep for first time in four days inside the machine.

    Hour later, downstairs, wearing a sheet like a toga...

    Doctor: "Ive checked blood and samples. Everything OK. Scans show massive thickening along lower bowel section wall, about a foot long. Could be one of two things, since it doesn't seem to be cancer."

    "Like what?"

    "Have you been swimming nude while eating a sandwich in a stagnent pond in South America lately?"

    "Nope."

    "Then it's acute infectious diarrhea. It's eating your colon. Caught it just in time. It hasn't moved to lymphatic tissue yet."

    Now 5 am. Got pills the size of house to take. Lethal shit. Can't ingest vitamins, calcium, bismuth, aluminum, iron supplements, small children, caffein, alcohol, walk in the sun, solid food, and anything else fit for human consumption.

    Feel stronger. Voice sounds like sound effects from George Romero movie. As of today, bleeding has stopped, cramps almost gone, and actually slept 5 hours non-stop. Had some broth last night, stayed down.

    Should be better in 6-7 days.

    How was your weekend?

    No position or belief, whether religious, political or social, is valid if one has to lie to support it.--Alj Mary

    Ironically, the concept of SIMPLICITY is most often misunderstood by simple-minded people. --Alj Mary
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  


  2. Hide this ad by registering as a member
  3. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Berkeley
    Posts
    2,695
    Thanks
    296
    Thanked 639 Times in 171 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    ...

    dear lord, I'm glad you're OK after all of that. Only you could somehow turn this whole ordeal into something that would make me choke on my lunchtime tea with laughter... rather than disgust.

    Great to have you back ^_~

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Notqmah, VA
    Posts
    1,011
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Wow, sounds like you have quite an adventure. I guess I have something to look forward to in 15~20 years. Good to hear you'll be A-Okay in a week. And you starting to sound like Alan Arkin in my head.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Santiago
    Posts
    1,795
    Thanks
    196
    Thanked 134 Times in 70 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Is a real shame you can´t ingest any small children .

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    3,432
    Thanks
    643
    Thanked 1,484 Times in 719 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    ^

    What Steph said.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Posts
    1,320
    Thanks
    296
    Thanked 196 Times in 104 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    okay...so lesson learned.

    NEVER. EVER. Eat potentially rotten mashed potatoes.

    It's a good thing i came to CA first too, Cuz...i was this close (holds up thumb and index finger to computer monitor)to eating some right here on my kitchen counter.

    Close call. whew.

    I owe you one.

    In all seriousness, though, good to see you're better now.

    My Sketchbook :: Phantasmagoria
    ----------------------------------------------------
    Illustration Portfolio :: jasonsnair.carbonmade.com
    ----------------------------------------------------
    Design Portfolio :: jasonsnairdesign.carbonmade.com
    ----------------------------------------------------
    My Blog -- Feed Me Toast!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Southwestern Pennsylvania
    Posts
    7,134
    Thanks
    8,227
    Thanked 5,581 Times in 1,786 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    I just peed in your coffee, Jason...

    No position or belief, whether religious, political or social, is valid if one has to lie to support it.--Alj Mary

    Ironically, the concept of SIMPLICITY is most often misunderstood by simple-minded people. --Alj Mary
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Cambridge/Boston
    Posts
    1,124
    Thanks
    77
    Thanked 55 Times in 55 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    good lord man you went through alot, glad to see everything turned out alright. very nicely written by the way, the comedy definitely helped avoid some cringing on my part (though some parts I did just imagining). again glad everything turned out well, and I hope ya feel 100% soon!

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia
    Posts
    4,422
    Thanks
    497
    Thanked 677 Times in 248 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Good you have you back. dogfood can't handle ALL the sarcastic remarks.

    * Help a CA artist! Visit the Constructive Critique section! *


    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    3,714
    Thanks
    160
    Thanked 849 Times in 162 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    This thread is useless without pictures.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to strych9ine For This Useful Post:


  13. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    393
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Someone should make a short comic story.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  14. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    1,473
    Thanks
    70
    Thanked 146 Times in 53 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Maybe next week we'll have a Ilaekae based 3CHW.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  15. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    3,714
    Thanks
    160
    Thanked 849 Times in 162 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    I thought we did "senile bloody shit monster attacking potatoes" a while back...

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  16. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,913
    Thanks
    130
    Thanked 200 Times in 123 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Get well soon and real healthy. Drink more liquids when your stomach calms down finally, because you are too dehydrated now.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  17. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    1,062
    Thanks
    322
    Thanked 167 Times in 65 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Whoa, I was wondering where you were. The lounge wasn't the same without that wonderful curmudgeony wit of yours that I missed reading. Get well soon!

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  18. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    1,859
    Thanks
    77
    Thanked 19 Times in 11 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    yeah I had to drink that white crap before CT scans...utter lameness!


    So all this happened because of mashed potatos/onions that has been out for 36 hours?

    EVEN after you fried it up and killed all the bad bacteria?

    WTF!!

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  19. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    2,250
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked 319 Times in 109 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Glad to hear you're feeling better. It's just not the same around here without you!



    0kelvin

    www.WhereIsMyEyeball.com My portfolio! Go check it out!
    Sketchbook
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  20. #18
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,287
    Thanks
    219
    Thanked 167 Times in 106 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Good Lord! I was wondering why I haven't seen ya around. Good to know your still slinging it around.

    I definitely think this should be made into a comic and called, "Welcome to the begining of the end". Get it? Huh? infectious diarrhea... begining of the end.... Get it? *wink* *wink* *elbow* Get it? ... 'snort'

    Watch out for them taters old man.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  21. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    434
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 33 Times in 7 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    good god. sorry to hear about your hideous misfortune (even if i am laughing at it). should have taken notice of the dont read while eating part because its not 15min from my lunch time and im not hungery anymore. oh well there is a truck across the street that an old mexican lady sells tacos from that food should be safe.

    never updated sketchbook

    hopefully weekly updated blog
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  22. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
    Posts
    231
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Glad you're ok, good to hear you're feeling better. That's some nasty shit. Now I know why I'm so fucking picky with my food.

    Get well soon!

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  23. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    1,643
    Thanks
    146
    Thanked 231 Times in 130 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    God, dear vector man, that sounds sooooooooooooooo horrible! I hope you'll be better soon.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  24. #22
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,994
    Thanks
    91
    Thanked 241 Times in 65 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    You poor, poor guy!!!! Love your writing, hate your ordeal! Take care of yourself!

    Buy a Sharpie. Write dates on food bags. Throw away old food. Please!


    Trés Cuté Sketch Group
    magicgoo bluemech cwn annwn light dished
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  25. #23
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Brighton, UK
    Posts
    1,429
    Thanks
    56
    Thanked 78 Times in 24 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Hope you can eat solid food soon!

    Im sorry but the way you tell it - hilarious!

    Get well soon!!!

    SKETCHBOOK




    Sinister Six Sketch Group
    Since 2003, sorta.
    Cookiedough Fooxoo Hyver Wolfje character
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  26. #24
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    N.Y.
    Posts
    1,951
    Thanks
    24
    Thanked 78 Times in 19 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Oh my god. that was a crazy time for you., good story telling, haha! You know I'm one of those people who learn from others mistakes so I'm glad you shared, and I'm certainly glad you are alive and getting better.

    TIFFANY PROTHERO
    www.tprothero.com

    Sketchbook Thread
    WIP Thread
    Finally Finished Thread
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________
    SSG Gilded

    Wertle : Snowsfall : redFIVE : Danomight : Interceptor : bengonzalez : Kittywolf13 : Poise
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  27. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    945
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 12 Times in 7 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    That sounds too nasty, glad you're ok. Try not to kill yourself again pls.

    /fd
    "It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?"
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  28. #26
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Vancouver.WA.USA
    Posts
    2,515
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked 96 Times in 36 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    OK, first, glad you're ok. Sounds like this story coulda had a really unhappy ending.

    Second...you shoulda been a fucking writer.

    "Every generation sees the past though the lens of its own time." - Thom Hartmann
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  29. #27
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Wiltshire, England
    Posts
    1,134
    Thanks
    32
    Thanked 30 Times in 11 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Jesus man, glad to hear you're recovering. You made a nasty story quite amusing, Fukifino is right, you should've been a writer!

    Take it easy mate!

    The sketchbook thread!

    The Art of David and Sarah Cousens: www.CoolSurface.com!
    The Cool Surface Art blog: http://CoolSurface.blogspot.com!

    Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/DavidCousens
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  30. #28
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    4,915
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 21 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Eep.
    Having second thoughts on finishing this beef jerky from America off now...

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  31. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    3,556
    Thanks
    1,340
    Thanked 1,017 Times in 286 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    holy shmokes. that was intense reading. humourous at times, though. good to see you maintained your ever present level of funny-ha-ha's through this whole debacle. wouldnt wish it on anyone else. hope you can get back to ingesting small children now

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

  32. #30
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Nottingham
    Posts
    2,447
    Thanks
    142
    Thanked 168 Times in 123 Posts
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    I've just gotta applaude you sir for turning the stuff of nightmares into a funny read. Get well very soon mate



    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Members who have read this thread: 0

There are no members to list at the moment.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • 424,149 Artists
  • 3,599,276 Artist Posts
  • 32,941 Sketchbooks
  • 54 New Art Jobs
Art Workshop Discount Inside
Register

Developed Actively by vBSocial.com
The Art Department
SpringOfSea's Sketchbook