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Thread: A Short Comic

  1. #1
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    A Short Comic

    Here are some random comics pages I tossed togethor over the last week. I was just wondering what you're general feel and opinion are of them at a glance? Thanks for looking.

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    [img}http://www.lorestrome.com/trash/c01p008.jpg[/img]

    A Short Comic

    A Short Comic

    "Even a stopped clock, gets the right time twice a day."
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  3. #2
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    Your cityscapes were very good...

    I would say that you need to work on your figure drawing...looks like you're trying a few things to get some depth. Some worked and some didn't.

    I'd comment on the composition but I don't know enough to help you out there.

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  4. #3
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    Yeah, the city scapes are awesome, but some of the figures are kinda wacky...

    http://www.lorestrome.com/trash/c01p004.jpg

    For the dominating panel on this, with the dude lunging forward; He seems to be looking down...
    I would recommend looking at some storyboards and looking at alot of comics.

    GREAT cityscapes though.

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  5. #4
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    How long did it take you to do these? If it took just a week, that's pretty damn impressive in and of itself (and I'm jealous). You should be proud of that, reguardless of anything else that is said.

    You need some major work on anatomy, composition (scene-wise, not panel-wise), lighting, set consistancy and storytelling.

    In the first pages and the third-to-last panel, your heads are sometimes too small, and sometimes too large. Your hands and fingers are too big. Your torsos seem undersized (especially for a bunch of tough guys). Overall, your figures are extremely stiff, uncomfortable in their skins, and posed. Life-drawing and pose referencing is going to be the key.

    Some of your panel compositions look like you just threw down some sketches without thinking about how the page flowed or how well the characters/scenes looked in the panels (I can give examples of what I'm talking about, if you like). Do you do thumbnails first? If not, that might solve some issues.

    The pages are a wash-out of mid tones. White only in the beginning (used as whatever isn't grey) and only two spot blacks total! You need to pump up the contrast. Deepen the shadows, use your whites as accents and learn to drop in blacks to move the viewers eyes across the page. Even having just sword-dude with black hair through the whole piece would have been great.

    I think comics are more about the storytelling, than the art. Your transitions are jumpy and confusing. The story is (I wince to say it :/ ) cliche. Though, I understand this might be a test run for you. That's cool. You should still pay attention to how you transition character movement and scene changes so that the reader can follow what's going on. I got completely lost by the movement from the fight, to the airship platform.

    Others have said how they liked the backgrounds. I loved them too (I'm so awful at them ). I'm impressed by anyone who puts that much honest effort into environment. The detail! Loved the detail and wacky stuff like hanging chains and far-off mountains.

    However, the closer I looked, the more confused I was by the story. The backgrounds aren't consistant! The guys start on a platform with no intersection and mountains in the background. Only sword-dude moves, yet then we have an intersection, the bric-a-brack in the foreground disappears, the mountains change shape, and more buildings show up behind them. Then the buildings completely change and...where are the mountains?? Once they're on the platform, you again establish certain buildings...and in the next panel they're completely different! Huh?? I love them, but the environment keeps slipping out from under me as I read!

    Keep an eye on the 180 degree rule. You break it in page 5, panel 3 and (I think) in page 10, panel 2.

    On the up side, you are consistant in your character designs (something I have an abysmal problem with x_x). They aren't revolutionary in their designs, but that might be to their advantage as we get to know their personalities. Also, there are several nice panels of head-shots and mid-shots that show great composition, and lovely drawing technique. In fact, they made me stop in my reading just to think, "Oooo, pretty!" as they stood out from the action panels around them. Of course, the backgrounds were great and have a lot of detail. I loves me some detailed backgrounds.

    Was this a test of comic-making? A beginning of an epic? I'd like to know background on these.

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    Thanks for the honest and well presented crit. You're right on all accounts and saw through my guise to see I know nothing about comics. It was only done in a week and that is why some of the long shots of bodies is sloppy. The story was totally ment to be cliche however I hope to put a twist on it if I do decide to continue with it. I'm kind of seeing what the public thinks before I persue it and relaly put in my time, you know? This was done between real paying work and I kind of didn't want to dedicate myself to it just yet. And yeah, there are some serious inconsistancies, but you should have saw it this morning, =] I did so much patchwork before posting. Thanks again guys, especially you Mirana. Also I rarely work in gray, always color, so I'm sure I'm making more than a few mistakes there.

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    The second page is problematic because of the 180 rule. Compared to the first page you switch back and forth a couple of times, wich makes it hard to read.

    Keep it up though, I'd like to see where you could take this.

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    the story is to much cliche to be intresting. the alone hero and his black sidekick. they are to tough . the backgrounds are very well done. but the characters is a mixture between funny cartoons and real life characters.
    that makes it hard to understand where you going with this comic strip.

    you know way back then a samurai whould never unsheat their weapon unless they where ready to kill someone or to clean it. but i dont know the backgrounds of these guys. but i suggest adding a sheat for the sword so he doesnt have to carry it around on the shoulder like its worth nothing . becouse he was talking about honor and stuff so i guess hes old school.

    hope you show some more.

    Last edited by Mort; March 9th, 2006 at 10:35 AM.
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    Hey, it's impressive for a beginning test at comics! Especially to put out so much in such a short time when you're not used to doing it. Keep at it, because I'm sure you noticed how much you improved over just these few pages. The last pages look leaps better than the first few.

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    This is going to sound very nitpicky, but when the guy is firing the pistol at the top of page four, we see the exposed barrel and the ejected cartridge, but the slide itself doesn't move. On a real semi-automatic, the slide moves backward over the hand to eject the cartridge and the forward again to reload the next round. It's a tiny detail but it kind of detracts from the realism a bit.

    Otherwise I would say just concentrate on conistency a little bit. The style seems to change drastically from page to page, mostly in the backgrounds where some of them are super detailed and some of them are loose and sketchy. Just listen to what everybody else said and keep at it and it'll be awesome.

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  11. #10
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    Do I detect another Samura fan? =) Studying some anatomy might help you out, especially if you're working towards dynamic fight scenes

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  12. #11
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    yea work on the transitions and bump the contrast a bit with more blacks. Keep at it! This is really good work for the time you've put into it.

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  13. #12
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    the tones look very classy

    Freedom is awesome.
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    On-going project - RATS!
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  14. #13
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    Thanks so much for all the advice guys. I'll take it all to heart and I'm not disregarding anyone or thing.

    Mort: I know the guy should have had a sheath, I was going to explain what ahppened to it in later pages if I continue, but he's mostly joking about the honor and there aren't any REAL samurai left in this story. And I was trying to be kind of cliche, but not borringly so. Thanks for letting me know, I'll spice it up.

    The only reason people are using swords and such is there is such a strict handgun law enforced by the active government.

    I can draw decent anatomy but for some reason when you try to put it into comic format it suddenly becomes very complicating.

    And the story hasn't really been written past this spot more than that. I'm hoping that by doing this it'll improove my comic and anatomy skills while also giving me something to show people. Thanks again everyone. =]

    "Even a stopped clock, gets the right time twice a day."
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