sergeant and white wine

**mert_yavasca** · November 11th, 2005

It's an illustration for "gallipoli war in first world war". I hope u like it. Good works for everyone.

Art: Tiny Rusty Marine Sergeant
Wine Wine Shrine: Concepts, please crit.
Sergeant Dan and the Valkyries
Dog Sergeant WIP
Art: Wine Bottles in painting (+NEW WINE GIRLS)

**gorillagrin** · November 11th, 2005

Hey mert_yavasca, cool mood to this piece.

A few things to think about that are detracting from the overall work, in my opinion:
1) It looks like the perspective is giving you trouble. It's most noticeable with the lantern. If you imagine where the horizon line is based off of the table we should be seeing less, not more, of the top of the lantern. Right now it looks like you painted the lantern in a different perspective and then tried to force the bottom to match with the table.
2) The sergeant's ear seems extremely small to me, especially considering that it's closer to our (the viewer's) eye.
3) How is the map being held up? You might want to include some tacks, nails, or something along those lines to suggest that it's not just magically attached to the wall. The map itself also feels very new. If it's been used in a wartime situation, I would think it would have stains, dirt, or at the very least a few folds to suggest that it didn't come straight from the printers.

Just some suggestions that I think would help solidify this piece.

**jfwalls** · November 11th, 2005

There's also a good chance there would be a shadow cast on the map from the bottle. Right now the map looks like it was cut and pasted into the image. A gradation of dark to light would help alot too.

**schowalye** · November 11th, 2005

When the page first opening, i think "what a shame, he puts a photo as the piece". I must say, not the rendering actually, the mood makes me think in that way.
However I agree with gorillagrin and jfwalls about the minor crits (in addition; writings on the paper on the desk doesn't fit the whole piece)
I like the subject very much, hope to see more..

**capt underoo** · November 12th, 2005

I do have one more crit concerning the guy's face...the nose seems low or too long, and it tapers off too quickly when it gets to the brow of the face...it should probably be more visible around the eye/brow area than it is...

**CaptainInsano** · November 13th, 2005

I love the subject matter and the story that is being told in this image. It has a chance to be very powerful.

However, as already mentioned the lighting and anatomical issues must be addressed for the message and the mood of this piece to sing. The map, as well, is not working. I think you should zoom in on the map so the viewer sees it a bit larger... the numerous red marks identifying the enemy strong holds versus the scant and scattered blue marks representing the good guys (the sargent's units) and their impending suicide mission.

Also, why not make the map larger! there isn't much too look at on the wall anyway, might as well as expand that map so we can see what's on the sargent's mind.

**mert_yavasca** · December 5th, 2005

thanks, friends. All your words are in my mind. I have a lot of work todays. Finished version of this piece will be here soon as possible. Thanks again. Good works for everyone.