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  1. #1
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    Yes i know i should be drawing...

    But i really need to get something off my chest. My (female)friend was at a party Saturday at her (male)friends house. She promised me last week that she wouldn't drink or get laid. I believed her until she came into school today. She drank, she smoked and got laid by her friend 3 times. Well i said to her "don't come crying to me" but she did. I got annoyed at her, (this is the 2nd promise she's broken to me in 2 weeks), and she then was shouting at me, demanding i talked to her. I told her i didn't wanna talk to anyone since i'd had a bad weekend. She just huffed and walked off to grass me up to the friend she shagged and her other 2 friends. She thinks i'm overreacting. She's 14, she's lost her virginity and has been smoking/drinking for ages now. Yes of course i'm overreacting... I don't know whether to help her or leave her... I just had to get it off my chest, sorry guys.
    ~Lover~


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  3. #2
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    Where were these girls when I was 14?

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    I was thinking to myself that this was really your friend's business until you mentioned her age. Not being a parent myself I am not in a position to judge her parents though I am sure the signs of trouble are there for any parent willing to take a hard look. I have no doubt that the only way the parents of a wild kid like this can get through their day is to stay in a state of complete denial.

    If your friend survives her adolescence, she will probably be a complete teetotaler as an adult and ultra-conservative. I've seen it happen before.
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    14? WOW!
    I had some friends who were really REALLY into drugs at that age. I just stopped hanging out with them and they eventually quit (after ending up in jail or rehab). I think you should tell her how you feel and then if she wants you two to be friends, she'll stop or keep on doing it.
    Sounds a bit like my sister. She ended up pregnant at 17, dropped out of school, married her drug abusing, wife beating, babies-daddy and they're now FINALLY getting a divorce.
    I think you're doing the right thing and mature thing, more importantly. It may seem like you don't want to help your friend, but the most important thing I think I've ever learned was from my grandpa when he told me, "you can't help people that don't want to help themselves" and it is SO TRUE.

    Hope this helps and good luck!

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    You should just start drinking, smoking, and having sex like she is. No, just kidding. I would take Hayeske's advice and leave her to her own desires. There will be no great wisdom that you can impart to her that will change her mind. She'll have to have her own inner revelations in order to change.

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    We sometimes have to stand or fall alone. Give her the chance to listen, but if she won't you will have to step back and let her find her own way.
    Have faith, these things should never be easy.

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    Your "friend" is well on her way to becoming a loose "," who VERY few men will EVER respect as a person. They will only like her because she's willing to get drunk and put out.

    She also more than likely will end up a. Pregnant, b. With an STD, or c. Both of the above...

    There is a VERY old saying, "You lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas." With friends like her, you don't need enemies...

    I'd take enough time to honestly and clearly tell her how you feel and why, and then, I would put as much distance between her as I could...

    Her Life is hers to choose to live how she pleases, but you don't need that in YOUR life...

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    wtf is with kids these days. Losing virginity at 14? WHAT THE HELL!!! for crying out loud, half the girls at that age havent event gotten their periods yet, they wouldnt even have the drive for sex at that age because of that.. seriously...

    myself I would just ignore her, then when she finally confronts, tell her blankly she is a total idiot, for one she lost her virginity to a random guy, not to a guy she cares about, shes a walking tag, meaning all her life she will now only be known as a... how you say without swearing.. well she will only be dated for sex, and thats it, she has ruined her chances of a family because everyone will know her as a tag. Her future will be that of a junkies if she continues, she will live in a flat doing drugs, no job no life, probably a kid because of non protected sex, most likely have stds, such a way to go.

    Drugs are not the way to go, they stuff your mind and affect your body and mind rather badly. If she even had the right mind she wouldve looked more at focusing about her future than rooting a guy and doing drugs just to be "cool".. she will realise later in life when she has no job because she does drugs, no life and most likely either no bf or a junkie bf how stupid she really was.. And when she hits that point in life people wont think she is cool.. they will think shes a bloody junkie moron who has stuffed up their entire chances of improving their life.


    meh.. thank god I never did any of that bullcrap at my age.

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    urgh.. talk about history repeating... my older sister got pregnant when she was 13 (i was 10 back then)... i wont go into the details on that one...

    just one advise from me:
    leave her be... when she trips, you can always pick her up again... but until then she isnt going to listen to you the way you described it.
    let her have her own experiences and when things go bad and she needs help, simply be there for her. chances are that she'll listen to you then.

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    Sounds like she wants a friend, but doesn't want to be one. But... she definately needs someone to help her, whether she realizes it or not. You realize it. So if you want to be her friend, then you gotta be there when she needs you. Everyone has problems... and everyone needs help overcoming them sometimes. It's nice to have a true friend there to help you when you're lost.

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    As others have mentioned if she wants help then give it to her, if she doesnt then there's nothing you can do.

    As for drinking and smoking at 14, makes no difference if you start from that age or when it's legal, just your health will be worse soon. That guy isnt her friend either. That "friendship" will soon turn sour if it's based purely on sex. I'm also guessing the guy's a bit older, can work sometimes, but generally doesnt.

    Sometimes people need to learn from their own mistake's. The fall could be from a great height, do you want to fall as well? If not then keep your distance.

    Keep your distance and when it gets too much walk away, however much you may not want to walk away. The most important thing to you should be you.
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  13. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by strych9ine
    Where were these girls when I was 14?

    In norway!


  14. #13
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    if your friend was a male this thread would be nothing but pats on the back and congrats.
    Last edited by Blahm; October 17th, 2005 at 09:13 PM.

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    I have to say, out of my own honest male opinion: Screw her. Forget her. Anyone who is that stupid isn't worth hanging out with, no matter what apologies they make or anything. Don't even acknowledge her. I am 15, and personally, haven't even jacked off. Not that you needed to know that, but at that age? Having sex? That's BS. "OMG SEX=KEWL!" For a few weeks. Then it's more like "OMG MY PRIVATES ARE ITCHING WHYYYYYYY????"

    But seriously, again, ditch her. Not only did she do something that STUPID, but she went against a solemn promise. Does she have any dignity or morality?

    And how do you know she isn't lying? I know alot of people who lie about that just for props. I'm guessing there is some way that girls act to signify others that they've done it, something that can't be faked.

    Anyways, best of luck.

  16. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by madster
    Your "friend" is well on her way to becoming a loose "," who VERY few men will EVER respect as a person. They will only like her because she's willing to get drunk and put out.

    She also more than likely will end up a. Pregnant, b. With an STD, or c. Both of the above...

    There is a VERY old saying, "You lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas." With friends like her, you don't need enemies...

    I'd take enough time to honestly and clearly tell her how you feel and why, and then, I would put as much distance between her as I could...

    Her Life is hers to choose to live how she pleases, but you don't need that in YOUR life...

    ~M
    Well said.

    Also want to add that there is only so far you should be going as a friend. At some point you should cut her loose to make her own mistakes on her own. If it is so important she goes through all this at such a tender young age, let her do so without you. She needs to understand that she can't be in the group of good kids, and have sex with the bad kids.

    She sounds like she is in a great big hurry in life, and is too nieve to understand the repocussions of her choices. Who do i blame? Her parents. As for you, don't follow her into her life style, and don't be afraid or feel guilty for letter her drift from you as a friend.

    13-19 are such intense years, people will change who they are more then once, and you should not expect her to be the same person you knew years back today, or tomorrow.

    Also, don't stress over her problems, as long as you are on the right track, that is what matters in the end. Believe me, being 22 and just getting out of that mindset, i can tell you that friends will come and go during those years and the best thing you can do is to keep your best interests in mind.
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  17. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slash
    In norway!


    LOL!!!!!

    But seriously....








    they're in Los Angeles.

  18. #17
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    I am 15, and personally, haven't even jacked off.
    You should try it sometime... or are you afraid you might like it...

  19. #18
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    Lover: If the bloke who knocked her up is older...like 18 or so...it qualifies for statutory rape, which is a very serious offence.

    Part of me says, you didn't throw her to the wolves...she went into their den on her own, but another part of me says, she seems to want to get help, and maybe she comes to you because she feels no one else understands her situation.

    I think whatever you decide to do (for your own best interest first of course) may evoke an outcome in her life. Its not gonna be easy decisions to make, but let's just say she isn't the first girl to get knocked up at 14 and won't be the last. Primarily her life is not your responsibility. Its quite obvious you've talked to her about it and made her see why she shouldn't do it. So whatever happens next is in her hands.
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    Did she really come crying to you about it and then go back to the guy she slept with? Thats the thing that really upsets me about people in situations like this. I got no problem with what you do with yourself as long as it doesnt hurt other people.. but when people pull stuff like that and then complain about it.. its just silly and annoying. If I dont think that what I am about to do is going to be good for me, I don't do it. Sometimes everyone makes mistakes, but I don't go whining to the wise naysayers when I regret what I've done.. just gotta live with that stuff yourself, unless you really are ready for someone's advice.
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    hmm i thought most girls did it around the age of 14, including the drinking and smoking.. i think she's gonna be alright.

  22. #21
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    most sluts start at that age.

    respectable girls wait at least to 17-18 before they lose their virginity
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  23. #22
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    I feel really sorry for the general population generated this past 10 years, they are trully burning out....some people in this thread say : if this were a guy it would be nothing but pats in the back........but for guys in my opinion is even more pathetic and primal that for girls...is pathetic for everyone actually, i think we came a long way since the stone age, but if people still like to act like monkeys.....

    Pier pressure exist, people make stupid excuses so they can be able to do stupid things, they believe the reasons they give themselves as facts and they just keep doing it.


    EVERYBODY IS DOING IT.......RIGHT? --> the most stupid and auto-destructive frase of all times, used for attention, acceptation and even proffit....is pathetic, im sorry for the people that have to live this reality close enought to affect the people they love, but is just pathetic.

    And for guys is even more pathetic, cause they are doing all the damage, and they can isolate themselves from the concecuences, while the girls give birth to childs that are more likelly to burn out the same way or worst ( depending on the support of their family and friends)

    To tell you the truth, Society is really screwing things up nowadays, to much freedom for kinds, having virtually no parents if you consider the people that bring food at 8 o´clock and then go to bed because of their tiresome jobs? People in this thread that think this is ok? ( some even celebrating that fact) Lack of sexual education? The gases emanating from cars and buses make have made people more stupid? Do they eat their vegetables, or their brain is 80% french fries?


    In my country, 70% of today´s youth start druggs, drinking, sex, etc at the age of 14, 23% of the births are from girls under 18.......23%!!!!!!!!

    PATHETIC!!!

    But hey, they have to be cool, they have to get accepted in the group, you have to join the pack.Does really matter if the pack is running towards a cliff?...NO, whatever keeps us from thinking from ourselves.

    PEOPLE WAKE UP!!!

  24. #23
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    Frankly, I think I would be more worried about a girl's drug use at that age rather than the sex. If shes not using cocaine/heroin yet, then she probably will within the next few years. That does some god awful things to a person's brain, that are literally unrepairable.

    If this girl actally matters to you, then you NEED to inform her parents, a teacher, a counselor, or anyone else for that matter, and get her some proffesional help.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aesir
    Frankly, I think I would be more worried about a girl's drug use at that age rather than the sex. If shes not using cocaine/heroin yet, then she probably will within the next few years. That does some god awful things to a person's brain, that are literally unrepairable.

    If this girl actally matters to you, then you NEED to inform her parents, a teacher, a counselor, or anyone else for that matter, and get her some proffesional help.

    Actually this might be the best advice, if she matters to you you have to quit being her friend and let the people that should deal with the problem know, if you think about it, she is harming herself in the long run.

    If her fucking buddyes are 18 or more, send them to jail.

    Worst thing about complaining is always to not do the absolute everything to help, keeping quiet about this shoudnt be wort her friendship, then you will become(and forgive me for saying this ) "selfish". Does it really matter if she hate your guts after that?, as long as she is doing better.

    This is a serious matter, people shoudnt keep dark secrets, specially if she tell s you to either agree with her or to join her. Is nowere near fair for her parents, who will end up taking care of any baby, venereal decease, and abortion that might come up.

    Off cource she will make vodoo dolls of you, and she will act deffencive against her parents and maybe even try to "show" everybody how "right" she is and keeck fucking harder and with more people, but even if that is the case , she will find out how auto-destructive she really is, and might forgive you in a year or more, i think it would depend on her parents, so if you can try to suggest to them what to do, my guess is that you know her better than they do.


    *Doing the right things sucks for you in everyway, but is the right thing to do
    Last edited by Shamagim; October 18th, 2005 at 07:46 AM.

  26. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Blue
    most sluts start at that age.

    respectable girls wait at least to 17-18 before they lose their virginity
    Hmmmm...yeah...but i would say more than 50% these days loose their virginity at the age of 16 and still can be respective persons...
    I guess its far more important what friends and in what scenario they are into..."you reflect your friends"...i guess that 14 year old girl dont even have real friends (speaking of friends you would even die for if you can save their lives...). And than she started to get common with the party-F*cktards and now shes one of them....

    Also ~Lover~ , i think she`s only taking you as a advantage to hear that "all is okay" etc. ... drop her...shes on the drip to hell but at tha age of 14 i guess you can say that she should have known better...
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    ~Lover~,

    I don't agree with the other opinions that you should abandon your friend but her telling you about her behavior was quite selfish because in some ways it made you responsible for information about things she is doing that you can't do anything about.

    Talking to her parents about it could be risky because if they really are in denial about her behavior, your telling them about what's going on could cause them to become angry and they might direct that anger at you. Some people will do anything to stay in their safe place.

    Do your parents know what your friend is getting into? You might want to talk to them about it and your parents should probably talk to your friend's parents. As adults, your parents would be better able to deal with however your friend's parents take the news. It will probably end your friendship but you might save your friend.
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    I had bunches of different types of friends at fourteen. Some were humping like rabbits, drinking their faces off and smoking the wacky weed. Others didn't date, didn't drink, didn't hit the drugs. Others went somewhere in the middle (me being somewhere in the middle). The ones in the first catagory mostly became white trash, getting crappy jobs, living in crappy apartments and still sit in the bar getting trashed in their 30s. The second group have houses, became doctors and engineers and politicians.

    Best thing you can do is to lead by example. Tell your friend how you feel and why you feel that way. What out for yourself and hopefully your friend will straighten out. You can't make her do it though. If being in her presence is going to bring you down, get out of the situation. Do what you think is right, but don't expect any changes. Be happy if they happen though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by figure2
    ~Lover~,

    I don't agree with the other opinions that you should abandon your friend but her telling you about her behavior was quite selfish because in some ways it made you responsible for information about things she is doing that you can't do anything about.

    Talking to her parents about it could be risky because if they really are in denial about her behavior, your telling them about what's going on could cause them to become angry and they might direct that anger at you. Some people will do anything to stay in their safe place.

    Do your parents know what your friend is getting into? You might want to talk to them about it and your parents should probably talk to your friend's parents. As adults, your parents would be better able to deal with however your friend's parents take the news. It will probably end your friendship but you might save your friend.

    Thats way better, let parent talk to parents, but an important issue here is that her parents need to know, maybe they are not taking enought attention to her life, or maybe to much, either way her parents will listen to yours ( and they probably will ignore you and punish your friend, and she could even try to run away from home)

    IT WILL BE A DISASTER ANYWAYS IF HER PARENTS FIND OUT THE WRONG WAY ,

    Shorting things up, it shoudnt be your responsability, cause she only tells you so you can agree with her, she needs to justify her actions.

    Actually i didnt say "abandon her", but as soon as you try to help her she will hate you, so what more important to you, the posibility for her to have a better life or your friendship with her.

    Of cource you can let it be, she could either learn the leasson the hard way, get the reputation of and lose any respect from others and herself for the rest of her life, get raped/ killed, turn eventually into a junkie ( people that tends to justify stupidity will keep adding escuses to live that kind of life...and even think of other´s life as wrong).

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    Wow, i didn't expect to get this many responses. Well, first off, today, i just tried to avoid her, i'm not having her shouting at me. Secondly, she's dragged my other mates into this as well, even though it's strictly me and her. Thirdly, she's had her hands all over her male friend today and she has a bf... Hmm.

    TBH, i know it's the right thing to talk to her but i'm loosing the will. I'm always sticking by her, maybe even making enemies with other people for her if she's in the right and not getting anything in return. She's changed. Yes people do change, i know for a fact i have. Not particulary in a great way either, but at least i haven't gone that way. And i'm not about to. Half the kids my age in school are sleeping, drinking and shagging, and apparently it's "cool". I dunno about everyone else but i want a decent life living it the way i wanna.

    To clear a few things up, this guy is 14 going on 15 so he's pretty much the same age as her. She's not pregnant. I don't really care if she does hate me i just want to help. She doesn't seem to care. She wants to be popular so she's playing along. My definition of popular is a well liked person for who they are, not some who will shag anyone.

    I'll try talking to her tomorrow but if she doesn't want it, what else can i do? I can't change her mind for her, just help her to realise. If she doesn't want help, i won't help her, simple as that. Love to y'all and thanks for the advice guys
    ~Lover~

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    Best of luck ~Lover~
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