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Thread: Unrequited Love

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Unrequited Love

    Hello CA guys and girls. This is your chance to proove your worth as a member of this community, by aiding a fellow member and act as a shoulder to cry on!

    But seriously now... I would really really appreciate it if some of you could share your stories of unrequited love (I think it's safe to say that everyone has them), or maybe just love-sorrow (don't know if that's the right English word) in general. How did you manage to get over it? (If you did ...) How long did it take for you to get over it? Do you have any advice on how to deal with it, what to do and what not to do? And I know "get over it" is the-thing-to-do, but please be more specific... like "find a new hobby" or whatever.. you know what I mean.

    So tell us something about it, and let's comfort eachother by sharing some experiences... 'cuz you know why I'm posting this... I wanted to hear about other people's experiences and just thought about the CA community, which has a lot of nice and helpful members, and most of them probably have some or a lot of experience with love and these sort of problems which come with it unfortunately (I don't). And yeah, I don't want to talk to my friends about it anymore cuz I feel I'm going to annoy them if I keep going on about it hahaha. And most of them don't have a lot of stories to talk about anyway concerning this matter (most seem to be a lot more luckier then I am).

    So please feel free to share.
    -I am my imaginary friend.

    - omg ftw teh sketchbook -Updated 28-01-2005- w00t pwn3d


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  3. #2
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    You bastard....just had to open a can of worms didn't you.

    Had a crush on her since I met her...thought she was interested in my roommate because he gets all the indian girls....but she wasn't...last week that she was here I found out she was interested in me....spent almost everyday together.....admitted our deep feelings for one another ....and then the next day she left to move 7 hours away....i think that she's the "One" if not she is the prototype.

    I have no advice I don't know what the hell to do myself...what do you do when you meet the one girl you think you could spend the rest of your life with and she moves to another state 7 hours away and it doesn't look like you will see each other for a long long time?
    Last edited by Ssenkrah Semaj; July 23rd, 2005 at 04:35 PM.
    -Call me Semaj for short.

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    Nice Idea, but why dont you start? Its your wish.

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    Unrequited Love sucks, but it isn't as bad as being in a close, intimate relationship and then being CHEATED ON! That's the WORSE! That happened to me once and ever since then, I NEVER go after flirty girls. I only go after the shy ones, because they're not as likely as to date other men on the side! Church and the bookstore are unfortunately the only place where those types of chicks hang out... and the library

    Going back to your situation, it depends on what sort of Unrequited Love we're talking about... Does the woman KNOW that you have a crush on her? Or is she unaware because you are admiring from a distance because you're sure of the rejection and awkardness that would follow? If she does know you like her, but dosen't like you, the best thing to do is to FORGET ABOUT IT! Do things that make you happy, such as going to the Getty Center to look at great works of art, the beach, and think about how you can still have a great life w/out this chick. There are PLENTY of women who would be GLAD to date you. If she DOESN"T know, then you can take the gamble of telling her. When I was in High School & College, I never told a girl I liked her, only to find out later through a friend that girl-in-question was itnerested in me!

    Once I had a unrequited crush on a girl for TWO YEARS and I never let go of her. I got depressed, drank a lot, got fired from job-after-job, shut out my friends, and my art suffered. This is why I tell you to FORGET ABOUT IT and GET ON WITH LIFE.

    Good luck
    Last edited by CaptainInsano; July 24th, 2005 at 05:00 PM.

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    There's 6 billion people on the planet.

    Give or take a billion, that's 3 billion women.

    Minus all the jerks and a couple ugly ones, that leaves us all to fight over about 1 billion women. Chin up man, and realize that there's tons more fish in the ocean. Why would you want to be with somebody who didn't genuinely want you in the first place? Unrequited or phony, which is worse? There's plenty of women out there for you to choose from who would love to be with you, and once you realize that, weeding out the ones who think they are too good for you or just not interested isn't so hard. Understand that you are God's gift to women, and the search becomes alot easier.

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    Also If there is one thing I know (and that's probably true) it's this; Women know when a guys interested in them if she hasnt shown some interest...than she's just not interested, move on.

    Why fall in love with a girl who doesn't love you....wouldn't you rather a girl who can see all that your worth from the beginning?
    -Call me Semaj for short.

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    Forgot to mention...

    Since you're going to be on the prowl again, make sure you are always lookin fly, with the finest threads and tighest hair cut. You don't want to try to pick up chicks looking fugly. You don't have to look like a fashion model, but wear freshly laundered clothes that flatter your eyes and body (I only wear black shirts because it goes well with my hair and eyes, which are black). I find that coffee cafe's have my type of chicks. Studious, smart, well-read, cynical, and cute. Bring your art work with you so you have something to impress the ladies with...

    Oh yeah, have to tell you about the 3 second rule. If you make eye-contact with a potential hottie, you have approximately 3 seconds to engange in coversation with her. After 3 seconds, you've lost. She'll think you're hesitant, and WEAK. Don't linger for more than 3 seconds, because you'll also lose you're nerve. Just go into . Good questions to ask a young woman:

    OPENING QUESTIONS
    These are safe, neutral questions that make for great openings...
    1. What are you studying?
    2. What school do you go to?
    3. Anything good in that magazine?
    4. What are you drawing? etc...
    It has to be about what she is doing at that moment...

    FOLLOW UP-QUESTIONS (don't use these as openers, it'll seem creepy)
    Once you got the opening question, you ask more personal questions...
    1. Do you like (this school subject, artist, author) etc...?
    2. Do you agree with (magazine article, newspaper column) etc...?
    3. How do you like your school?

    ---------
    At this point, you will know by her verbal and body cues wither she's interested in continuing the coversation... If she is not making eye-contact, or has her arms folded across her chest, or talking quickly, she is not interested... But good for you for trying

    If she IS interested... these are good 3-Round questions... getting a little more personal here, Don't use these as openers. STAY AWAY FROM: Politics, Philosophy, Religion, and Current Event topics... Unless she brings up the subject, just AGREE WITH WHATEVER SHE SAYS! She may be trying to guess what you're thinking, and not be honest with herself....

    Here, you may finally input YOURSELF...
    1. My school is....
    2. My subject is...
    3. I am drawing a picture of....
    4. This magazine article is about (NOT POLITICS!)

    Then ask her about:
    1. Her siblings
    2. Her parents
    3. Where she grew up...

    K, this is taking too much of my time... I should write a book!

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    She does know. I had feelings for her for quite a long time but was too much of a wuss to tell, but I did eventually. She told me she doesn't want a relationship because her focus is on studying.. blabla you get the idea... She just wants to be friends she said.
    I should have told her from the start, then I wouldn't have had to struggle with myself for such a long time.

    Sorry to hear that Semaj, it sounds really painful. But hey, at least you love eachother right? And you're right, but it's hard to control who you will be falling in love with hahahaha If I could I would only fall in love with the ones who are also interested in me...

    Hey Jetpack42 thanks for that. You're right, I don't want to be with somebody who didn't want me in the first place. A phony relationship is indeed bad, cuz you'll end up hurt anyway, and probably more so than with unrequited love. And yes, I am God's gift to women I realize that...

    ParkerD that sounds really really painful! Luckily I have never been cheated on, so I couldn't tell if that's worse, but I'm willing to believe you on that! Man you must have gone trough hell.. two years!! That's a mighty long time! I feel kinda funny: because I have been struggling with myself for some time, I do feel a sort of relief too, because it's 'over'; I don't have to worry anymore, know what I mean? And thanks for the advice you womanizing sexmachine I'll keep that in mind next time I am socializing
    -I am my imaginary friend.

    - omg ftw teh sketchbook -Updated 28-01-2005- w00t pwn3d

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    nice book ParkerD! You are into the same girls I am, aside from the cynical part. Look into ravers. A great deal of cynics there.

    I live @ a resort. There is a big turn-over of employees so you get used to meeting special people and then--*poof* they're gone.

    One girl that I met was doing something wierd to me. She was the quiet sort so I only saw her @ work with the rare moment in residence. She had long curly red hair and a beautiful face. A large nose but that one flaw seemed to add to her beauty. A ridiculously nice smile. One of those smiles that even the eyes seem to reflect.

    Anyway, she made me as giddy as a school girl. This has never happened to me. It didn't work out because I was saying, "You're perfect." and she wanted to take it slow and get her own opinion. Alas, I was too impatient. And now, 5 months later, the attraction isn't there anymore.

    Nothing is forever, not even love.
    [][][][] DRAW EVERYDAY [][][][]>

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    All is fair in love
    Love's a crazy game
    Two people vow to stay
    In love as one they say
    But all is changed with time
    The future none can see
    The road you leave behind
    Ahead lies mystery
    But all is fair in love
    I had to go away
    A writer takes his pen
    To write the words again
    That all in love is fair

    All of fate's a chance
    It's either good or bad
    I tossed my coin to say
    In love with me you'd stay
    But all in war is so cold
    You either win or lose
    When all is put away
    The losing side I'll play
    But all is fair in love
    I should have never left your side
    A writer takes his pen
    To write the words again
    That all in love is fair

    A writer takes his pen
    To write the words again
    That all in love is fair

    `stevie wonder
    -Call me Semaj for short.

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    Hmm, gone for a week and I come back to find this subject that is so near but not so dear to my heart...

    Don't really know what to tell you... Not that I couldn't get a girl... But, I suppose I'm too afraid to ask; maybe just too used to settling for the lifestyle I have. Just always seems like the girls I would like to get closer too are out of my league. But, hey, consider the fact that you may not be meant to be with someone. You can always get a dog... I like dogs...

    Well, like my opinion matters. I'm leaving again for awhile so I can't offer much help. You'll just have faith in that there is someone out there for you and, eventually, you'll find that special someone. I'm just idealistic like that though... but that's not really any help I suppose... sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Knight of the Cross
    Just always seems like the girls I would like to get closer too are out of my league.
    Leagues are in your mind.

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    Interesting topic you've started up here jermainevl, but what exactly are you looking from us though. Do you want some confessional out of us, are you looking for other guys who tanked with the ladies to sympathize/empathize with, or are you looking to get over some fault in yourself to better develop your game to deal with the ladies you're interested in?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ssenkrah Semaj
    You bastard....just had to open a can of worms didn't you.

    Had a crush on her since I met her...thought she was interested in my roommate because he gets all the indian girls....but she wasn't...last week that she was here I found out she was interested in me....spent almost everyday together.....admitted our deep feelings for one another ....and then the next day she left to move 7 hours away....i think that she's the "One" if not she is the prototype.

    I have no advice I don't know what the hell to do myself...what do you do when you meet the one girl you think you could spend the rest of your life with and she moves to another state 7 hours away and it doesn't look like you will see each other for a long long time?
    James, the same thing just happened to me, to a degree. Her name was Carinda, she was a stunningly beautiful south-african moved to the states. Emotional wreck, and spoke in cryptics. A week after I met her I found out she was moving to London. She's in maine now, and shes moving pretty much the minute she gets back. She dosent even know how I feel, and If she does she doesn't show it. She says she'll visit the states as often as possible, but we both know we'll never see eachother again.

    /shakes fist at the heavens

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    hey guys it seems to me this thread is turning into a kind of.. general advice exchange in the crime of love. now i wondering if anybody got any advice for this lonely soul on his pains.

    now, my specific problem can be boiled down to two fold. anyone here from new york, if yeah, help a fella out on how to break through that icy barrier girls develop around here. admittedly i havnt made too many advances to random girls i see around, so my next question is does anyone know a cafe place, you know the type, a poetry place for a guy who can't drink yet and is finding himself limited around the union square-alphabet city area?

    some of the advice ive heard is that one look is accidental or otherwise, but a second from a lady has intention. if there needs to be a third look, like the man said about, she will think your weak.

    but lets hear some advice from the girls around here too

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    Quote Originally Posted by goldenavatar
    Interesting topic you've started up here jermainevl, but what exactly are you looking from us though. Do you want some confessional out of us, are you looking for other guys who tanked with the ladies to sympathize/empathize with, or are you looking to get over some fault in yourself to better develop your game to deal with the ladies you're interested in?
    You don't have to tell us some private things if you don't want to of course. I just thought that some who had the same problem could share some stories, as to how they dealt with it, you know. And developing my game with the ladies would be nice too.

    Advocate of Fate: you have to tell her!!!!11!11!1! But you already know that.
    -I am my imaginary friend.

    - omg ftw teh sketchbook -Updated 28-01-2005- w00t pwn3d

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    Quote Originally Posted by ParkerD
    STAY AWAY FROM: Politics, Philosophy, Religion, and Current Event topics... Unless she brings up the subject, just AGREE WITH WHATEVER SHE SAYS! She may be trying to guess what you're thinking, and not be honest with herself....
    ???
    let's say you are really into politics and philosophy (just for example), why not talk about it and find out what she thinks? if you realize that she hates/isn't interested in most things you love and are interested in, there won't be a nice relationship anyway.

    just agree with wathever she says?? if your only goal is to get laid - ok. but a couple should be able to have different views on things and discuss.
    matter of taste / attitude I guess


    I've been with my girl for over 3 years now, in january I'll leave for florence. she has to stay because of school, so we'll have to part. (doesn't make much sense to stay together but see each other only every two months, we'd probably go crazy..)
    strange situation, we just try to really enjoy the time until I leave..


    .

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    Not sure if it will help, but perhaps you'd like to read "The Sorrows of Young Werther" by Goethe.

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    What the -
    jermainevl, man, chill. Ask yourself, do you really want a relationship? I figured out for myself it'd make me unhappy. I loved going out with some girls, and i would've killed for them. But a relationship means more. It means you give up your time. It'll cost you your nerves. If you decide you want a relationship, you want to build something meaningful that should work for years.
    You won't have time to draw as often. It costs you money, you go out with her, you go on holidays together, you buy her things. You'll have to make friends with people you may not really like, you won't have time to see your other friends as often, you'll see the girl every day.She has to get along with your family, and all your quirks and you'll have to do the same.
    My friends who've decided to go that path have changed immensely. Not always for the better. You've got years ahead of you. I'm not saying save yourself for marriage or anything, but be careful with your decisions. Most of the time when another relationship failed for me, i was a wreck. That cost me more than the above. And most of the time i just didn't have the nerve, the time, and the love the girls wanted. I wasn't for them. If you find out what you require and what she requires, and you think you can make it work, ok. But be aware it's not easy.
    Man, sorry for preaching, but that's just what i feel like.
    Btw, Becks "Seachange", Portishead & Danko Jones help

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    You need a lover on this thread and here i am.... But i haven't been exactally great with some people. I met this guy, i immediatly liked him, (i swear to this day he liked me at one point but he denies it) but he changed. We had an arguement one night and ever since that he's hated me. I have a happy ending tho, i've got a bf who dearly loves me and i dearly love him. I've been with him for 13 months on the 27th and hope it lasts so much longer. My advice to you guys is that, yes, love does hurt, but in the end, there is ALWAYS someone for you. Peace out guys
    ~Lover~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Advocate of Fate
    She says she'll visit the states as often as possible, but we both know we'll never see eachother again.

    /shakes fist at the heavens
    Sorry to hear that dude....now I feel great thanx

    Edit:
    Unrequited Love

    I hate incredible women....
    Last edited by Ssenkrah Semaj; July 24th, 2005 at 02:10 PM.
    -Call me Semaj for short.

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    Quote Originally Posted by john o.
    Btw, Becks "Seachange", Portishead & Danko Jones help
    Best advise EVER. Listen to every danko jones song and you'll know, oh yes boy you'll know. "Heartbreak's a blessing, but you dont know it then."

    /fd
    "It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?"

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    JERI: Yeah, I read that...before all this shit, and I couldn't relate to it then.. but now I can. But it's not so bad that I'm about to blast my brains out (or I'm just a bit more stable).

    john o.: thanks for that. Yes a relationship does cost time and money, and sometimes it's probably just not worth it, but when it is , you'll have a mighty good time!

    Hey ~Lover~: that kinda resembles my situation. At one point I thought we could be having something, but we had some small arguments (well actually argument is a big word for it), which were my fault because they arose from my insecurity, I must admit. Only difference is that she doesn't hate me for it (I think ). But that does kinda bug me because I don't know if I screwed up because of that or if there was no hope from the start, and that sucks.
    And thanks for the encouraging words.

    You're right Floris; that IS great advice! Thanks john o. I was already familiar with Portishead and just down...uhmm.. 'got my hands on' Sea Change by Beck. Now I just gotta find some Danko Jones... sounds promising
    -I am my imaginary friend.

    - omg ftw teh sketchbook -Updated 28-01-2005- w00t pwn3d

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    Haha, yes, just be careful you don't fall in love with the wrong person, then there's nothing good music can't take care of.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jermainevl
    You don't have to tell us some private things if you don't want to of course. I just thought that some who had the same problem could share some stories, as to how they dealt with it, you know. And developing my game with the ladies would be nice too.
    I'd be lying if I said I never had that problem, but I've since done things to better handle myself around the ladies. BTW, john o. asked a pretty good question you should be thinking about, do you really want a relationship? The problem you have right now isn't in the relationship itself, but having the self confidence to initiate and maintain one of any romantic sort. Have you identified anything about how you deal with the ladies you'd want to change that you don't do now? What things do you NOT like about how you interact with women now? What exactly is the problem you feel that you have?

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    Jerm: Sometimes you gotta get a reality check. If not it'll be very painful.


    I'm good friends with this girl. Liked her for a while now. We were always good friends bu we got really close at one point but that's because we're both facing problems with other people....which sucked.....now I just want to be her good friend. Someone to be there for her (kinda impossible since she's leaving for Japan and I'll be going back to Canada). But I know that's as far as it gets between us. And I should mention...she's the woman of my dreams...everything I look for in an ideal partner.


    But now. Its blonde hunting when I get back to school


    So yeah....ask yourself whether its wasting both your time. Maybe it will happen years later....just not now.
    ********************************
    There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine and THE TRUTH.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ssenkrah Semaj
    Unrequited Love

    I hate incredible women....
    Semaj...I'm sure she's incredible....man she's beautiful.....


    You are not worthy!!! I kid, I kid! Don't hit me!
    ********************************
    There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine and THE TRUTH.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dorian
    ???
    let's say you are really into politics and philosophy (just for example), why not talk about it and find out what she thinks? if you realize that she hates/isn't interested in most things you love and are interested in, there won't be a nice relationship anyway.

    just agree with wathever she says?? if your only goal is to get laid - ok. but a couple should be able to have different views on things and discuss.
    matter of taste / attitude I guess


    I've been with my girl for over 3 years now, in january I'll leave for florence. she has to stay because of school, so we'll have to part. (doesn't make much sense to stay together but see each other only every two months, we'd probably go crazy..)
    strange situation, we just try to really enjoy the time until I leave..


    .

    Nothing kills a party quicker than politics/philosophy/religion discussions. They only lead to arguments. When in college, politics and philosophy were all I cared about, but it just dosen't make for good conversation when meeting someone for the first time ("Hi, I'm Parker... Are you happy in life?").

    Agreeing with her dosen't mean you're just trying to get in her pants. It means you're avoiding an argument. If she says about a bunch of stuff you whole-heartedly disagree with, what's the point of arguing? You two will argue and neither of you will want to hook up with a political rival. That's just one more hot babe out there who dosen't like you, and she'll tell all her friends not to date you. If you concur with her opinions, that's great! But again, don't bring it up unless she brings it up first. The point is: Avoid arguing. It's stressful, won't change her mind, and just NOT FUN.

    It's not a sleazy stragtegy to just get laid!!! It's a strategy to evade any arguments and making unecessary enemies. If you don't like her political views, just agree, and excuse yourself like a gentleman, and don't talk to her anymore. Why argue?

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    ok, you're right, I first thought you would build a relationship even when you disagree with her views and cannot talk about stuff you love, just because "you want her" (and that would probably be mainly because of her looks, since you usually don't really know her before you talked to her).
    Your last post sounded more like "talk to her, if you realize after a while that she doesn't suit (right word?) you, then finish the conversation kindly and walk away without arguing, it doesn't help anybody". (and is no fun ) With which I agree!
    hope that made any sense, my english is not too good..


    .
    Last edited by dorian; July 24th, 2005 at 03:06 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by goldenavatar
    I'd be lying if I said I never had that problem, but I've since done things to better handle myself around the ladies. BTW, john o. asked a pretty good question you should be thinking about, do you really want a relationship? The problem you have right now isn't in the relationship itself, but having the self confidence to initiate and maintain one of any romantic sort. Have you identified anything about how you deal with the ladies you'd want to change that you don't do now? What things do you NOT like about how you interact with women now? What exactly is the problem you feel that you have?
    I guess I wasn't really looking for a relationship when I fell in love with her. But when I did I sure wanted one of course :p. But now, I don't now. I'm just gonna let it rest for a while and then move on, but not actively seeking a relationship. Just wait and see what kind of women will come on my path, and just wait and see if something will grow between us, know what I mean?
    And yes, the problem now is my self-confidence to initiate. The thing is, I fail to initiate properly (Actually it's kind of a miracle I had the guts to tell her how I feel!). I just think that she's not interested anyway, and I know that's wrong, but still... I know people who have the same problem too.. And the funny thing is, when I'm around girls who aren't 'potential mates', I don't have that and I'm just self-confident and just myself, like with my close friend's girlfriend and she says I'm a funny and nice guy. So actually there shouldn't be a problem, it's all in my head. What's keeping me from intiating then must probably be lack of experience.

    Wow, amazing what some self-reflection can come up with hahaha Thanks goldenavatar.

    Ouch, sorry to hear that darth massacre. And yep, a reality check always is for the best. Go hunt them blondes!

    Oh and Semaj: Jesus Christ Superstar!! She is hot!!
    -I am my imaginary friend.

    - omg ftw teh sketchbook -Updated 28-01-2005- w00t pwn3d

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