This isn't for advice....I think I just need to get this out of my system. Rail at the injustice of it all. y'know, all that good stuff.
I'm living at this resort hotel right now. I work there, I get cheap cheap rent and cheap food. So it isn't bad...
I've now been here for 8 months. I took a small 'vacation' last weekend to the city because things felt like it was getting too routine. It was a good time, I stayed at a Fairmont, saw some art, some animals at the zoo, some animals playing live jazz (the drummer was priceless), and danced to some house music while Ninja Scroll, of all things, played on the screen @ a club. However, by the third day, as I was jumping an overpass in an effort to make it to the tattoo shop, I realized that something was missing.
I couldn't figure it out immediatly but I'm starting to think that as good as the weekend was, it would have been much more if I had someone to share it with. And there it is. Since I have been out here, I have met two people who could paint, three people who could draw, and nobody that does it on a regular basis. I have alot of acquantances; people that I play videogames with, drink with, people that I climb mountains with...but no one who I can call a close friend.
Yet, as much as I want to have a close friendship, I can't seem to make it happen. Either they lack interest, or I lack interest. It is the same with girls that I'm interested in. It never seems to click right.The ones that are interested in me, I'm not. The ones I'm interested in, are not feelin' it. I've met alot of girls here but only two have gotten a reaction in me, a genuine "I need to get to know you better" feeling. But...no luck.
When I was a kid, I was really shy. When I was in High School, I was shy to everyone outside my circle of friends. When I got to college, I came out of my shell in that I could talk to anyone/anywhere for the most part.
Out here, I'm noticing that I really only have a couple of days a week when I feel genuinely social. I want to spend the rest of my time drawing. How in the name of God do you make a friend if all you want to do is draw? I'm not sure if I'm being too serious about my art, too focused, or if it's a matter of my shyness towards people. I'm seriously starting to wonder if I'm lacking in some social skills. It's like I have no charisma at all. Nobody wants to get to know me because I'm always drawing and they don't understand it so they leave me alone.
I should be okay with this but the heart is sad even as the mind tells it to buck up, "This is a beautiful place".
Well, if you've read this far...than you might as well say something. If you're an artist, you have to have a bit of a psychologist in ya!