A Fear and A Loathing
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  1. #1
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    Post A Fear and A Loathing

    Coping a phrase from the recently deceased Thomson is the least of my worries. This semester I had taken some art classes, partly to round out my cirriculum, and curiosity to how well I would be able to draw. The exercises laid out by my teacher gave me a good idea of wear I stand. I was competant, and creative: perhaps in my ideas, but not in the method of their execution. Though certein aspects of the lessons were confusing, I seem to understand after the usual student schtick of practice, review, redo. I have ideas, though who doesn't, and a vague compulsion towards digital animation. What I try to draw is always mared by my lack of patience, I can't stay drawing for very long. I can't seem to do anything for very long. Bluntly, I can't think of any one thing, or one skill, I can do/use competantly.

    I'd like advice. As disruptive as I become in my work, I feel, at moments that I am getting somewhere. I have entertained thinking about careers in computer science, writing (a reporter maybe), or artist to varying degreees in the past years. Coming and going as I delved deeper into each and finding I lack some characteristic I could sense in others often portrayed as great by professionals. But mostly, because I could never learn how the building block of a skill connect towards its greater purpose.

    I fear paying for schooling that proves to be useless for 'real' work , but I tI am not a good person to guide me. what If I learn the wrong things that way?

    I hope someone is interested, and able to understand and help.
    Before I can't think well I ask what I should do from/for this.

    P.S. So how can I, a self proclaimed idiot, explain the problem so well? Just, sometimes at night, I can feel a lucid mind escaping my dense and unprofound thoughts for a short time. It seems to be my one and only skill...

    P.P.S. Guess where I lost it?

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  2. #2
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    You seem almost afraid for the future. Thing is.. sometimes you just have to jump in with your eyes closed. Jobs are this whole grey area. When you're little you think in stereotypes and only want to be a fireman, rockstar, badass adventurer etc.... There's more than that.

    Everybody has his/her own path to follow. Stop idealizing characteristics you think are necessary for realising a dream. Some characteristics are like wine... needs time to ripen. Education is as useless as you want it to be, there's always something you learn. Sometimes you need to doubt about things, yet still go for it. In the end it'll show whether it was a good decision. You always learn something, so maybe someday you'll end up being the editor of a magazine about computer graphics or something or maybe you don't. It's your path.

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  3. #3
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    Education has a greater benefit than the knowledge that you internalize. Be it formal education or more self-paced, learning increases the number of connections in our brains and increases our thought capacity. It's so common to have your "purpose" block unchecked even when graduating college that you should not feel like you have to have all of the answers. As long as you keep your mind open to possibilities, life will present you with a cornucopia of paths.

    It seems like you already have some self-analysis down, though it doesn't sound very optimistic. I don't want to over-emphasize self-esteem (because there's little scientific connection with worldly success), but you should have some belief in your abilities, while always looking to improve the flaws.

    Have you ever heard "fake it to make it"? Basically, go through life acting like someone who knows what their doing. What would a brave person do? Act like that. What would a confident person do? Act like that. You can still be yourself, but in particular circumstances, you're adopting the actions of someone who is all that (and more).

    As far as drawing is concerned, this site can be very helpful in pointing you to resources to help you improve, as well as some direct critiques and pointers. Patience is a definite plus for many things in life (drawing among them); you may find yours increase as you improve.

    Also, that moment of clarity between consciousness and sleep is pretty awesome. I can't tell you the number of fantastic ideas I have that are trapped there.

    Good luck.

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