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  1. #331
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
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    The good news: I'm still drawing as much as before!

    The bad news: I just don't have the time available to keep this thread updated.

    This site has been great for me and I am deeply thankful to all the people over the past year that have helped me with this journey. I started this thread scared and desperate. I tried to put down my exact thoughts in the first post and it seems to have resonated with people. In retrospect the post probably put people off on being too harsh on me (god knows I need to get my head chopped off from time to time), but many people have messaged me saying that they feel the same as I, and an as lonely road as this can be to travel it's always nice to know that you have companions. The idea of a sketchbook like this is, as I've mentioned in many posts before, a very selfish endeavour at it's core: "look at me!". And that is one of the main reasons why I'm truly gratefuly for the comments and critique I've recieved over the roughly 14 months since I started this thread.

    There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. Some good and some annoying. But it means I have to make a choice on where I spend my time.
    I am still not even close to where I want to be when it comes to art, but I recently looked back at the first page and I feel like at least I am heading in the right direction. Not at the pace I want, and the curve isn't as straight as I wish it would be but even a pessimist like me can see that something is happening. Maybe one day I'll be happy with where I am, but that day is not today, and, honestly, hopefully I'll never feel fully comfortable and at ease, because that'd be the death of me. I'll try and keep failing forward, hopefully learning something on the way and incorporating it.

    I'll miss the time I've spent writing posts on this forum. I feel like meditating on my progress and converting it into words has helped me organize my thoughts and stay focused. Even though I've always kept older paintings and sketches in an (ever-growing) picture album, it's sometimes hard to remember exactly what you were thinking about at the time of the painting, and putting it down in words has helped keep the memory fresh. Sketchbook analysis notwithstanding I keep on making the same mistakes over and over so the actual benefits are a bit dubious, heh. It's always hard to gauge exactly how beneficial something has been though, because you can never really know just how much you've gained.

    Anyway... Lately I've been getting paid commissions and when it comes to stuff like that it's always hard for me to judge exactly how to pen my thoughts, because if I was a buyer and the seller was showing disatisfaction over the piece that'd hurt me too. I try my best to be honest with myself and try to see my own short-comings (of which there are many) but I feel constricted when it comes to expressing those in a public space.

    So I'm working on solutions to that. Either way I'll probably explode into a puff of confetti if I don't get my voice heard somewhere so the plan is to convert to the voiced medium instead, hence why I created a youtube page not that long ago. We'll see how that goes. Video editing is pretty fun, and I've always been a fan of videos where people paint (isn't it incredible how you can watch the chinese masters paint in real-time now??). The videos I've made so far gives me insight into where I spend my time, and what I need to work on so as a learning tool I find the implications fascinating. The videos show that my process is all over the place, but I also have the tendency to forget of how I got from point A to point B, so having video proof of how terrible the start was helps alleviate some of that stress whenever I start a new painting. Honestly I feel like I'm basically showing off my dirty laundry though, keeping the sketching process and everything else intact in the videos. It's a frightening and exciting experience. But enough about that...

    I was going to make a "year in review" when I got back from my vacation back in the end of January, but felt a bit ticklish and ultimately decided not to. It's now been almost a year and a half since I started to take this urge to draw seriously, and, god willing, I'll keep it up for much longer. Still sorting that part out though.

    I've attached the latest paintings I've done (the last is a WIP, video time-lapse should be up tommorrow I think) and this'll probably be the last post I make on this forum. Who knows though: I'm anything but predictable. This whole drawing thing in itself started as one of my typical weird sudden urges. I'm the type of idiot that'll suddenly rent an alto saxophone for four months, something which seemed like a good idea at the time but looking back at it wasn't very kind to my neighbours, their ears and my ears. The sax only lasted me for two months, but drawing is like a black hole and no matter how much effort I throw at it there seems to be no end in sight. For someone as easily bored as I am this is a great thing. This is the point where I should cite the famous Hokusai quote but I'm afraid that I already used it just a couple of pages back so I'll try and control myself. I'll still lurk around sometimes, and you can always find me on other (less vocal) platforms if you wish to get in touch.

    Thank you all for your kind words and help, and, fellow travellers,I wish you the best of luck with all your endeavours! This thread was seven years in the making, but now it has run it's course.

    So long, and thanks for all the fish!

    /ili104



    P.S: Looking at this post it's clear why I don't feel like I have the time -- I write too darn much.
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  3. #332
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Thanked 204 Times in 202 Posts
    I have enjoyed a lot to go through your SB... you have lots of good ideas and developments... it was inspiring

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