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Thread: Let's improve this!
July 18th, 2014 #1
Let's improve this!
I just made this one for EOW challenge, based on novel "1984" by George Orwell: Ministry of Love.
There was a dead line so I rushed it a lot, but that's how I like to work. I hate to refine. But: as exercise I'd like to face final phase on this one. It took me abou 4 hours, without any references, just with some final photo bash for control room's monitors.
Often I read majestic tecnical crits, precise and punctual, and thanx to that I've grown a lot in the last 6 month. I hope to learn much more being criticized with a work of mine.
Thanx for the time you can spare
Hide this ad by registering as a memberJuly 19th, 2014 #2
Hey there. I'm a beginner myself but I'll try to help. I'm not sure that your intended focal point is but my eyes are drawn towards the monitor screens. I'd probably simplify those screens a bit (including the smaller ones) since they're pretty busy with details. The right half also looks too clean, too "sterile." I'd put in a bit of randomness, like scattered office papers, moved chairs etc to make it like a busy office. The red mope bucket also stands out too much so I'd recommend de-saturating it a bit. As for the blood, I'd put a faint trail of it on the floor instead of the walls, as if medical stretchers are trailing it around the hallway.
July 20th, 2014 #3
Thank you for your advice. I didn't realize I put no chairs. and papers and doc would be nice details. Right for the mope bucket too. For the monitors I don't know, I understand what you say, but probably there is a contrast between raw stuff (the pale blu line under the monitor console, cables, etc)and the photobash made for monitor's images. I will try to make it moro omogenic. About blood, in my head the story is about thoughtpolice killed a thoughtcriminal while he opposite them to force him in the 101 room, that's a torture room. But a trail blood would be not a bad idea... I will try, thanx.
I would appreciate other technical advices, especially for walls value and solidity. Thank you everybody
July 20th, 2014 #4
First of all, it's a pretty successful piece already. There are a few tweaks you can do to take this to the next level.
The first question is what you were going for in terms of mood. If you're going for a very well-lit, sterile environment, there are only minor things that you'll need to take care of. Mainly, you'll need to differentiate the light sources a bit better. Increase the intesnsity of the monitors and the lights to make them "glow" more and increase overall contrast in focal areas. Other than that, you'll need to be a bit more diligent with the materials, namely the gound. In some spots it looks reflective, in some it doesn't. You can make it more coherent by including more reflections (of the lights above and the monitors).
Another, more drastical, option would be to create a more suspenseful, darker scene. By lowering the overall lightness and increasing the lightness of the light sources/monitors, you can really make them glow, which is impossible to achieve in a well lit scene where there are no darker values to make the glow effect work.
I'm including a quick OP to illustrate both options:
July 20th, 2014 #5
Whoaa! I was just waiting for you Benedikt! I admire your work so much that is a real bless to get your critic. Thanx for your positive consideration and for the precious op. I've posted here because I was not happy with a darker version I made. Too often we use lights as merely effects and I prefer to stand in a sober way of rapresentation. But, damn, your dark version is so good, that's because is simple too I suppose. I will go for a middle version of the two you presented here, and I will work when I'll have a bit of time.
Thanx a lot for the time you spend on this, really, it's a honor.
July 20th, 2014 #6
Good job so far and I agree with what others said. I've noticed few details to improve though:
-the main door (with the "X") shows uneven frame and is unconsistant with the perspective.
-if I were you I'd apply more occlusion shadows to the mop and the bucket. They look a bit unconnected to the background IMO.
July 20th, 2014 #7
Glass walls are usually way more reflective than what you have shown. Right now it looks like like clear plastic with the addition of random gradients of white and messy brushstrokes.
I suggest that you paint a mirrored version of the room about the glass wall plane on its own layer. Lower the opacity of the layer to adjust specularity. The sliding doors, "101" and lights in the ceiling would all be visible in the reflection. Also, make the reflection more predominant as the viewing angle decreases (fresnel effect).
Stuff like that, plus perspective corrections and occlusion shadows like mentioned earlier will take your painting to a new level of realism.
July 20th, 2014 #8
Thank you ZeldaGeek . I was in doubt about the glass wall. You are right it seems plastic, I just leave it that lousy for not put too much details in competition with door and monitors. But I will try. Then you talked about prospective adjustment, but I didn't read advices about that... What you think I should improve in prespective?
Thanx again for the time you spare.
July 20th, 2014 #9
Details of the reflection may compete with the door and monitors, but so will incorrectness. The two semi-opaque white brush strokes are especially distracting. If done well, the viewer will not get caught up in the reflection, the rendering will simply look more believable. Of course you can make it a semi-transparent matte surface, it's just looked like you tried to add reflections in vain.
StefRob mentioned perspective. The paralell lines simply don't converge to the same point in your drawing. Accuracy is key. Also, the dividers in the glass wall should foreshorten. Don't guess.
Adobe Photoshop Pro Tip: Go to 'View--> Show--> Guides', and make sure 'Extras', 'Rulers' and 'Snap' are on. The snap function will make the line tool and lasso tool snap to any guide lines that intersect. New guide line can be made by Ctrl or shift + left click draging on the rulers or 'View--> New Guide...' This way your lines will always accurately converge.
July 22nd, 2014 #10
@Zelda Geek _ thank you so much. After a couple days for refresh my eyes I see what you talking about for the glass. I hope to find time for finish this piece as you all pointed too.
This was really helpful, and you all found weakness and solution. I suppose I will put more foten under your examine my works.
Thank you everybody