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A more repainted repaint of mine.
You need to work on your fundamentals a bit for this to work. The anatomy seems to have alot of guesswork, especially on the body.
You should also define a light source and use it. Also avoid pure black, but use proper values for shadows, highlights, midtones... Build structure with them.
Here's a paintover to show you in which direction you should go.
Thanks man, I seem to have focused too much on the style and design, rather than what actually builds the picture.