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  1. #1
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    Unhappy What would you do?

    I over heard a conversation today, and the last little bit of it hit me hard and made me wonder, what would I do if I was him? So, I wanted to find out, what would you guys do in this situation?

    It was an argument between a couple about life, family, and where they are going. She from the sound of things was a marketer/web designer trying to make a living while he was, an aspiring artist going through school. A lot to do with him not paying enough attention to her and the issues in her life, while he absolutely positive he gave more time to her than he was to his art.

    He had been working on an art piece that's got him stressed out because he needed/wanted it to be perfect for someone to sign it for him, and after all this went on, she replied with...

    "I do not understand what makes your Art so much more important than caring about me"

    I was blown back by this, and I could feel the hurt from just that one sentence. To me it felt like she was saying (like so many people tend to say these days I feel), you're wasting your time on something you'll never be good at, you can't make a living out of Art, just give up and focus all your time and energy at me.

    When people dedicate themselves to doing art, we do it for the rest of our lives, we start as soon as we are able to pick up a crayon when we are babies, and we don't put it down till our last breath. We don't go to school, learn something and gain a career out of it right away, we've already started our career at a young age and go to school to improve on our skills. There are many things out there you can go into school without any previous knowledge and come out ready for the world and a job, but for Art, you live and breath it and need to have an understanding of it to get into the prestigious schools.

    As artists, we always look for that encouragement from our peers, our loved ones, and especially those who we have looked up to our whole lives, the ones that made us fall in love with Art and made us want to be apart of that world of creation and imagination, to be able to design alien worlds, bring words to life with images, and to help change the world with just the flick of a pencil stroke.

    If this person is working on a piece of art for someone to sign, I can only assume this person was an inspiration for them, and even though they are likely a stranger, they want that recognition from them, just to hear, you're doing a great job, keep it up. It's just another form of inspiration. It's just another way to show ourselves, "this is where I belong."


    I've rambled, and I'm not sure if its too long for people to read, but I could say so much more, but, how would you feel, what would you do if you were in this guys shoes? What if someone you loved, or cared for, girlfriend, family member, or closest friend turned around and something like that? How would you react to this?
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  3. #2
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    I don't think anyone needing that much attention would have ever become my friend in the first place. So if someone I was close to came out with this I'd be nine kinds of surprised.

    My advice for artists is to date introverts. Introverts with hobbies. Then when you finish your project and say "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you darling" they will say "You've been what now?"
    *** Sketchbook * Landscapes * Portfolio * Store***

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by vineris View Post
    I don't think anyone needing that much attention would have ever become my friend in the first place. So if someone I was close to came out with this I'd be nine kinds of surprised.

    My advice for artists is to date introverts. Introverts with hobbies. Then when you finish your project and say "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you darling" they will say "You've been what now?"
    ROFL! Oh man, I just laughed a little too loud reading that at work.

  5. #4
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    I guess it depends if this is a married couple or a dating couple. Married couple, the girl is right. Wife comes WAY, WAY before art. Always. It's what you sign on to when you make that very, very important vow. Girlfriend/friend? Well, that's a different story. No vows exchanged, and in that case it seems like they just aren't communicating well. Or they're in the middle of an argument where stupid things are said. As a married man, I can tell you I have said some very stupid things in the middle of an argument.

    At the end of the day, art is not as important as relationships. Nothing is, really. That said, it's a two way street. It needs to be an evolving, growing organism where NEITHER side is asking the other to give up on dreams (unless those dreams are, like, blowing up the Earth).

    So what would I do? I'd explain why I do art and why I think it's important. And thankfully my wife would listen and work towards understanding, just as I do my best to understand why she considers HER work so important. It's a two way street. The people who walk it together listen, talk, and grow together. The people who don't, don't.

    And of course it's more complicated than that in reality, but what isn't?

    EDIT: Also I wasn't there, but I didn't get any of the things you thought were "implied" from that sentence. I got that there was someone who was hurting and someone else who was putting something rather frivolous in front of helping them with their hurting. Certainly nothing like "you'll never be good at this or make a living" sprung to mind. But maybe you were privy to more of the conversation than what you wrote here. I don't see that at all.

  6. #5
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    Well they're definitely not well matched. But think about what this lady is feeling. She feels like this guy doesn't care about her which may or may not be true but it's what she feels. They need to figure out why she feels that way, if it's valid and how to address it. Sometimes it's just that some people are way extroverted and need tons of attention and others don't.

    Personally I don't expect anyone to support me or my art. My family views my drawing as a hobby/quirk which I've accepted as life and I can't really blame them for that. But I would want to date a more introverted guy who has his own hobbies so hopefully we wouldn't mind working on our own stuff but still do stuff together too. I couldn't be with a guy who expects me to pay attention to him all the time, I would go insane. But that needs to be discussed between couples. This lady deserves someone who will fit her needs whatever they may be. So does this guy. Sure there's room for compromise but people shouldn't stay with people who make them feel miserable. It's not going to last if one of them feels neglected by the other.

    Nitpicking here too but there are plenty of artists who start later in life nor go to art school at all and still manage to do just fine.
    "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
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  7. #6
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    Nothing is as important than what you want to do with your life, nothing. I can't tell you how many people I've kicked to the curb for even a whiff of that attitude, including family members. Needy people are shit, they don't deserve your attention.

    People like that are what I consider true evil in the world. There is no devil, no demons; there are just small weak little cowards that need other peoples attention and approval to feel loved and will try and kill another persons passion or vision wherever they see it. Its the only thing that makes them feel safe for not living their own dreams.

    It’s the hardest thing in the world to do what you love to do. It takes the greatest kind of courage and the greatest amount of effort to succeed. To sell out is the easiest thing in the world. That's what everybody does, they make excuses and they let other people dictate what they should do, they give up their dreams for other peoples wants. Why are their desires more important than yours? The answer is they're not.Either you love someone for their beliefs or you don't. If you don't love what they stand for what they believe then what you're feeling isn't real love.



    “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” Henry David Thoreau

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by vineris View Post
    My advice for artists is to date introverts. Introverts with hobbies. Then when you finish your project and say "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you darling" they will say "You've been what now?"
    Why has this never occured to me before? haha.

    I believe in putting your ambitions before what others expect of you, with the exception of being a family man, who for obvious reasons has to think of others.
    I think in order to succeed, you have to become accustomed to being self reliant, and by that I mean not relying on others for encouragement and reassurance, and you should pursue all things with conviction.

  9. #8
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    Lol Vineris that sounds familiar!

    My boyfriend will have moments where he'll try and lay a guilt trip on me about not spending enough time with him, but it's usually when he's feeling emotionally low and he understands that art is important to me so he is almost apologetic, but then sometimes I feel a little needy and he accommodates me. Luckily though my fella is an introvert and has his all-consuming hobbies too so it works out. It's all about a little give and take for me, and I'm ok waiting, I realise I'm not the most important thing on this planet and even to my boyfriend, sometimes he loves helicopters more than me and sometimes I love caricatures more than him. I don't know what I'd do if we had kids though, I realise I'm probably not a normal benchmark for this kind of question lol.
    Last edited by Angel Intheuk; August 23rd, 2013 at 11:47 AM.

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angel Intheuk View Post
    Lol Vineris that sounds familiar!

    My boyfriend will have moments where he'll try and lay a guilt trip on me about not spending enough time with him, but it's usually when he's feeling emotionally low and he understands that art is important to me so he is almost apologetic, but then sometimes I feel a little needy and he accommodates me. Luckily though my fella is an introvert and has his all-consuming hobbies too so it works out. It's all about a little give and take for me, and I'm ok waiting, I realise I'm not the most important thing on this planet and even to my boyfriend, sometimes he loves helicopters more than me and sometimes I love caricatures more than him. I don't know what I'd do if we had kids though, I realise I'm probably not a normal benchmark for this kind of question lol.
    Hey, I've been in a successful relationship for 13 years now based on this premise! Glad it's working out for you too.
    *** Sketchbook * Landscapes * Portfolio * Store***

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  11. #10
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    You are probably reading too much into it.

    However, what the lady's seems to be really saying is "I am not interested about your art passion, I want you to pay attention to me instead". Which is understandable, but given that she demands he care about her emotions while simultaneously not caring about his emotions, it looks kind of shallow and hypocritical.

  12. #11
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    I would dump the needy parasite, no one fucks with my art.
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    sehertu mannu narāṭu ina pānāt šagapīru ningishzidda
    abrahadabra

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