doing hmwk in a cafe

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  1. #1
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    doing hmwk in a cafe

    Name:  cafe hmwk.jpg
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    Hi, would like some critique on this one. I feel fairly stuck. Some of the main issues I kept wondering to myself was: is her hair maybe too big? Are the shapes too abstract? Is the image too static? Anyways, I was trying to go for a slice-of-life sort of image of an everyday thing. Except leaning towards anime because that's what I enjoy drawing in my free time. Was experimenting with trying to get a softer overall look as well. Any feedback would be much appreciated!

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  3. #2
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    I do see some anatomical issues in the girl. Her hands don't look quite right and the foreshortening on one arm looks off. I would suggest looking up photographic references for how those look. Her hair itself is fine, to be honest. I think the issue with the head isn't the hair, it's the cranium. Underneath that hair she has a rather large cranium, which is really the thing that makes the head look big. Her pose could also use some lean-in, because it is somewhat stiff. Did you do an underlying sketch for the girl and her proportions? Doing an underlying sketch and getting all the proportions worked out before going to rendering makes a world of difference, technically.

    The background is also a little off too. The perspective on the background is a little higher then what the foreground, or at least that's how I keep on reading it. It's almost like the background has a separate vanishing point then the foreground.
    As for the abstraction of the background and the softness of the rendering, I personally don't have an issue with that. To me it looks like a choice in stylization. And I personally like the colors used and soft quality. It almost gives the picture a kind of dreamy quality to it.

    Hope this helps.

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  5. #3
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    The devil is in the details, but also in generalities. The hands are especially unconvincing, the writing one does not feel like it's holding the pen right, and the one at rest is in incorrect perspective. But there are also overall issues with contrast and composition; if you squint you can't really make the character out of the background. Darkening the background a little would help, but I'd mostly suggest tweaking the detail so it contrasts against the girl's silhouette, instead of breaking it up.

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  7. #4
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    Seems like most of the issues are with the underlying structure so I did another sketch keeping in mind everything that was mentioned. I'll start coloring tomorrow but thought I would post a progress pic anyhow. Thanks for the comments so far!
    Name:  cafe hmwk 2.jpg
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  8. #5
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    Yes, the structure of the hands is much better now.

    You have added too much tension to the pose and the slanted verticals, though. I liked the relaxed pose and the more face-on viewing angle you had in the previous sketch a lot more.

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  10. #6
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    I like the overall feel of your picture, though there are indeed few issues mentionned by the others and hair is too big, like she's having some giant skull. Plus her right forearm look weird, even in your redraw. I believe it has something to do with some perspective mistake (lack of overlaping and her wrist should be bigger to approach the elbow size due to the perspective)
    If I were you:
    1)I'd tune tone down the background by darkening it and make it blurrier.
    2) I'd make the girl sharper to make her stand out.
    I'm curious to see the final result, I believe it'll be very good and unusual.

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