moon child

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Thread: moon child

  1. #1
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    moon child

    Here is my latest piece. I'm looking for critics and especially advices or paintovers to make it better:

    Name:  Moon.jpg
Views: 342
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    PS: For those who helped and gave advices on my last thread about my metro paint: I feel I've tried something out of my reach for the moment but I'm doing some homework by reading a book about light and colors in painting and I'm sure I'll finish it in the future. Be sure your help is always appreciate as deserved.

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  3. #2
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    Firstly, I think that overall this piece is very well executed. It feels like you put your all into every area and tried to make the best image that you can for your level.

    The first thing that I noticed that could be improved is the anatomy of the figure. The form of the legs is really hard to read - the right leg in particular is very strangely shaped. Then you have her head turned around in a way that feels unnatural for the pose, maybe even physically impossible. Trying it out myself, I have to strain my neck to twist that far without moving my torso. It helps to stand in front of a mirror and act out the character yourself. If someone showed up behind you, how would you physically turn to look? You would probably turn one leg out and turn your torso so your shoulder moves with you as you turn your head to look. The figure should work as a unit, not a collection of parts. That would give you a more believable pose and a more visually interesting shape within the composition. (Alternatively, you could also have placed her head in a more profile position so she's kind of glancing over her shoulder rather than looking at us almost straight-on).

    Speaking of composition, I think overall it's very nicely laid out. I really like how you used the grass in the bottom left to frame the piece and lead our eyes back to the figure. The figure itself is also very comfortably placed within the space. There are just a couple things to look out for, like splitting the image directly in half with the horizon line. Sometimes that's a good thing because it can emphasize dichotomy - that the earth and sky are equal but opposite. But in general it tends to work against the overall movement of the image to place important elements (like focal points or large dividing lines) in the exact center of the piece. The other thing that is a little awkward is the moon, the outline of which is laid directly on the edge of the composition. Those kinds of intersecting lines can be kind of distracting and should in general be avoided.

    Moving onto value, I think that each element of the piece is nicely done, but it's not quite working as a unified scene. The girl is very light overall, but the other elements in the environment (like the buildings and the grass) are black silhouettes. This helps compositionally to call attention to her and allow her to stand out, but it also makes it feel like she doesn't physically belong in this environment (like she was cut and pasted from a different image). You need to make sure your lighting treatment is consistent. In this case, if you were to make the figure consistent with the background, she would be almost completely black with just a rim of highlights on the planes facing the moon. Of course that's not what you want. So maybe instead you could have used the light specks floating around her as a secondary source of light illuminating her face and such and allowing you to push the core shadows on her form to make her feel like she belongs in a night scene.

    And lastly, I think the perspective feels a bit off. She feels large compared to the buildings in the distance, and I think it's because the horizon line is so low. The ellipses forming the ripples around her ankles also feel too low in space (by that I mean that the vertical length of the ellipses should be shorter to suggest we're not looking down at them quite so much).



    Examples of girls turning their heads to look at us (in particular note the relationship between how much back we can see and how turned their heads are):

    http://senshistock.deviantart.com/ar...Eyes-275592907
    http://elandria.deviantart.com/art/S...-029-178390742
    http://fantasystock.deviantart.com/a...ace-5-33133074
    http://elandria.deviantart.com/art/S...-113-190354523
    http://wolfcatstock.deviantart.com/a...-back-47819459
    http://elandria.deviantart.com/art/S...-055-185139748
    http://elandria.deviantart.com/art/S...-098-186072602
    http://loopystock.deviantart.com/art...-Back-33122743

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    Name:  Moon-pvoa.jpg
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    Might want to try a more dynamic pose too.

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    Name:  Moon.jpg
Views: 126
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    Quote Originally Posted by dierat View Post
    Firstly, I think that overall this piece is very well executed. It feels like you put your all into every area and tried to make the best image that you can for your level.
    That's kindly presented ;-)
    The first thing that I noticed that could be improved is the anatomy of the figure. The form of the legs is really hard to read - the right leg in particular is very strangely shaped. Then you have her head turned around in a way that feels unnatural for the pose, maybe even physically impossible. Trying it out myself, I have to strain my neck to twist that far without moving my torso. It helps to stand in front of a mirror and act out the character yourself. If someone showed up behind you, how would you physically turn to look? You would probably turn one leg out and turn your torso so your shoulder moves with you as you turn your head to look. The figure should work as a unit, not a collection of parts.
    Yep, I knew it but as usual I let it go. You're completly right.
    There are just a couple things to look out for, like splitting the image directly in half with the horizon line.The other thing that is a little awkward is the moon, the outline of which is laid directly on the edge of the composition. Those kinds of intersecting lines can be kind of distracting and should in general be avoided.
    Of course, thanks for pointing that out.
    The girl is very light overall, but the other elements in the environment (like the buildings and the grass) are black silhouettes. So maybe instead you could have used the light specks floating around her as a secondary source of light illuminating her face and such and allowing you to push the core shadows on her form to make her feel like she belongs in a night scene.
    Excellent idea! I'll defenitively use that! Worst part is I was wondering how to add a complementary color to counterbalance all this blue but could find a way while it was just under my nose. I'm sure it'll enhance the picture effect greatly.
    And lastly, I think the perspective feels a bit off. She feels large compared to the buildings in the distance, and I think it's because the horizon line is so low. The ellipses forming the ripples around her ankles also feel too low in space (by that I mean that the vertical length of the ellipses should be shorter to suggest we're not looking down at them quite so much).
    I'll change the ripples too, but I'll keep the big girl, I've tried her tinier but did like the result. Let's say it's a wide angle ;-)
    BTW, thank you for all the references. Very useful.
    Ok, I've reworked it a little: moved the moon, lowered the horizon and changed the overall position for neck sake. I'm not sure, the position is yet perfect but seems better to me. What do you think of her left arm. The position bothers me. I've darkened her too but not to a far extent. I'm keeping the ripples and the yellow/orange lightening for the end. I prefer to be sure about the position first.
    What do you think guys?

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    Ok, I've made all the changes now. What do you think of this version?
    Name:  Moon.jpg
Views: 105
Size:  93.7 KB

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    The pose is looking much better. I think her lower arm a bit short though - the elbow tends to line up with the waist and the wrist lines up with the crotch. The ripples are still out of perspective. And general rule of thumb - there are no shadows on deep water, only reflections. In terms of value, I really encourage you to push it. Try pushing it too far and then pull it back. You don't know where the line is until you cross it.

    Quick paint-over. Keep in mind I'm no expert, this is just my take on it.

    Name:  Moon copy.png
Views: 113
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  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by dierat View Post
    The pose is looking much better. I think her lower arm a bit short though - the elbow tends to line up with the waist and the wrist lines up with the crotch. The ripples are still out of perspective. And general rule of thumb - there are no shadows on deep water, only reflections. In terms of value, I really encourage you to push it. Try pushing it too far and then pull it back. You don't know where the line is until you cross it.

    Quick paint-over. Keep in mind I'm no expert, this is just my take on it.
    Ok, I pushed and you were right. But I wouldn't go any further in shadowing it. I believe it's better and more "realistic" now. Thanks for all your advices. If you see anything else tell me.
    Name:  Moon-003.jpg
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Size:  93.9 KB

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