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Thread: Clients, God love em

  1. #1
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    Clients, God love em

    I seem to be getting a lot of these at the moment; several a week. Which means Im sure you guys are too.
    Heres the most recent one, from today.. i feel pretty sorry for them, if theyre not just lying but srsly.. is this the new scam from Nigeria or just clients doing what they do?
    Anyone else got any gems, new or old, like this?
    ------

    Hello Al,

    Thank you for your response. I am trying to save my company and haven't the finance to do so, but if you would be willing to work with us, I can assure you that you would get compensation for your trouble. We are an electric car company, and have been for only thirteen years now. We have no overhead, so if we close; we close...The last car designed, built, and sold was back in 2005. We are finding that it would be beneficial to have pictures, but we do not have Autodesk software, and with the latest dealership interests, we were looking for some quick mock ups. We would like to offer 1% of each unit sold using your design if that would be agreed upon.
    Last edited by Velocity Kendall; January 18th, 2013 at 04:07 AM.
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    "…but think of your portfolio, we're actually doing you a favour!"
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    "Itll lead to loads more awful badly paid work!!"
    Psalm 3 from the Useless Clients Bible
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    The "1%" is somehow the cherry on the cake...

    I haven't been getting those lately. Instead I've been getting an unusual number of old clients resurfacing from nowhere. "Hi! Remember that project you thought was dead six years ago? IT'S BAAAAAAACK!"

    Which is a GOOD thing, of course, when some of the old ghosts finally turn into a real projects... But it's getting a bit uncanny.
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    Yeah people with money usually take aaages, skint cunts want stuff done yesterday..

    That 1% made me crack up. I dont get out of bed for less than 15% of nothing!
    Last edited by Velocity Kendall; January 18th, 2013 at 12:42 AM.
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    Help me Mr Bradley, you're my only hope.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Velocity Kendall View Post
    Yeah people with money usually take aaages, skint cunts want stuff done yesterday..
    Yeah, they're hoping that if the deadline is short enough your mouth won't consult your brain first.
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    They say that you need a thief to catch a thief. Im like that with skint losers.
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    I actually need an opinion on this situation.
    I recently landed a pretty good corporate gig. The pay was great and without condition. Only problem was the creative director's prompt was really vague abstract and confusing. Poor guy had to pay me to call him confusing.

    Heres how it went down.

    Me: What would you like me to draw?

    Client: the background of the layout for a brochure.

    Me: What would you want the background to look like?

    Client: Like that pirate drawing of yours. Just the technique, not the drawing.

    Me: So what should I draw.

    Client: The background for the brochure.

    I had to call him up and say he wasn't making sense. Luckily there were many other art chores. But I feel really bad for not being able to come through on what he needed.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    I actually need an opinion on this situation.
    I recently landed a pretty good corporate gig. The pay was great and without condition. Only problem was the creative director's prompt was really vague abstract and confusing. Poor guy had to pay me to call him confusing.

    Heres how it went down.

    Me: What would you like me to draw?

    Client: the background of the layout for a brochure.

    Me: What would you want the background to look like?

    Client: Like that pirate drawing of yours. Just the technique, not the drawing.

    Me: So what should I draw.

    Client: The background for the brochure.

    I had to call him up and say he wasn't making sense. Luckily there were many other art chores. But I feel really bad for not being able to come through on what he needed.
    That’s good you asked for some visual reference or a project brief. Maybe the client was given a task they never handled before. All they know is they need a designer asap. Ask what their target audience is and make some suggestions if they are unsure how to approach the project.
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    Well, let's see, a brochure is printed on paper, right? So, the background of a brochure is... a piece of paper. So give him a blank piece of paper, and then send in another piece of paper with the bill printed on it.

    I've had clients who don't know what they want to make, but they know they want it to be a cool billion-dollar idea that will somehow turn them into the next Google. These projects never go anywhere, but hey, if they want to pay me to get together with a bunch of people and brainstorm about nothing in a vacuum, I'm game...

    It usually starts out something like:

    "So what do you want this thing to do?"

    "Everything!"

    "Great, great... but who's your market?"

    "Everybody!"

    "Uh huh... What's your goal again?"

    "We want to be the next Google!"

    "You and everyone else, pal..."

    (That's the condensed version, of course.)
    Last edited by QueenGwenevere; January 18th, 2013 at 01:59 AM.
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    This thread is silly.
    "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
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  21. #13
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    haha this is the lounge not Primeministers Questions, course it is!.. come on you must have had a comically awful client? care to share?

    this might be ancient wisdom but its still apt

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