It seems the penguin is not flowing the same direction that the light is going in, and seems to work against the flow of the image, I did a VERY quick paintover, to show you what i mean. Other wise nice work, good rendering is it digital?
That's a very very nice illustration, I like the mood and color, it's great !
I agree, the little guy body don't follow the movement of the lamp. You can give the lamp a more vertical angle too to give more "weight" to the penguin. Maybe you should more why he is aiming for this direction : the exit with the ligh inside is not very attractive, you see a door but not really the exit. At first look I didn't understood this part if the image very well...
Last edited by Griffonnage; January 17th, 2013 at 07:31 PM.
And I agree; there's just something about the penguin's position that doesn't work. I dropped it into Photoshop and tried moving him around, but was never quite happy with it. It's certainly worth working out, though.
I was once on the receiving end of a critique so savagely nasty, I marched straight out of class to the office and changed my major (sketchbook).
Thanks Stout and Griffonnage. I trying to work out the penguin now.
The door is supposed to be a mystery. The reader doesn't find out that Alyssa's closet door opens into the southpole until a little later in the story. I wanted to give the kids a hint of what it might be without giving away the surprise. Any thoughts on how to resolve the fact that its not looking attractive?
Hmmm I have no clue about the ultimate good solution but here are some ideas, hope it can help you :
If you want to let it be a "surprise" but show there is actually "something" mysterious, you can make it more brighter and reflect the light a little more in the room...
Looking at the general shadows, the main light come from the left in some part of the room (look at the central mirror) and from the right if you look at the left wall... The mysterious door is supposely very bright and do not "feel" like it is... So maybe you can correct the main light direction first, then add the secondary light like the mysterious door backlight ?
If you don't want the thing to be too obvious, you can draw the closet door closed with some ray beam escaping from joints between the door and the wall ?
Right now the two focal points are the girl and the chest of drawers. Now, the girl is fine. You want people to look at her. But why did you make the chest of drawers so big, complex, important-looking and surrounded by negative space that it steals all the attention away from the penguin?
At this point I would recommend that you move the penguin so that it obscures the top right part of the mirror, since that is where people are looking anyway, and make sure that it contrasts enough with its surroundings (make sure it is either dark, or blue-ish, or both) so that it is noticeable.
I was going to ask 'Why it was so wide?'. If it's for print, is this a 2 page spread with text across it?
If not then I'd reposition a few things as you're cramping everything into really small areas (there's a lot of empty areas)
There's a danger of the 'closet' door been mistaken for an outside door - the only way I can see it to have it opening the other way, with 'closet' written on it.
I just wrote a large amount of waffle which I've replaced with a paintover - it's a lot easier this way
Boost the lights/shadows to give the closet door a bigger (daylight) glow.
Just ideas, not sure what to do with the penguin (it was hard to tell if it was leaving or entering?)
Really nice feel to it though
(Ah I see VK got in before me haha!)
Last edited by Venger; January 17th, 2013 at 11:39 PM.
It looks really nice My main problem (apart from the already mentioned penguin flow) is reading that the closet is actually a closet, it looks more like a house door. Maybe it would benefit from a more traditional looking closet, more furniture than furnishing, if you understand what I mean.
気計 - Quike "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.."
you guys are so awesomely helpful.
Thank you Inigo Montoya. Velocitykendall- thanks for taking the time out to do a paintover. Yes it is a spread, and the empty spots are for the text. I like what you've done to the mirror. It definitley looks better I'll implement as much as I can.
VENGER! You're a lifesaver! Really appreciate it! Will post my update on the piece when its ready. Hope Im able to implement your advice successfully.
I cant believe I didnt think to adjust the closet door to open the other way. So, since all of the advice is so solid I think I will just readjust my scene in Maya, rerender and the repaint. Sucks but it has to be done. Live and learn. I'll post my work here more in the early phases of the process. This is such an awesome place for great advice. I need to go through the WIP Crit threads and pay it forward with any help that I can offer. Thanks guys!