Preliminary Drawing - Seeking Crits
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    Preliminary Drawing - Seeking Crits

    Hi I'm working on an page for my picture book (personal project) and looking for constructive critiques before I work out my values. It's aimed at children and I want it to be as dynamic as is possible for a boy enjoying sitting at a computer.

    Thanks.

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    TinyBird is offline Why you gotta be an angry burd Level 16 Gladiator: Spartacus' Retiarii
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    So it's a completely wireless computer without a tower, made from couple basic blocks that don't look like they can actually even support the weight of the screen, there's no keys in the keyboard, no mouse pad and on top of that the kid is left handed?
    Overall that doesn't look like a real computer, and is lacking the same attention to detail the kid, the table and the chair have. I mean sure, maybe there are computers like that these days, but it just doesn't look real. Also that's a really weird way to do anything on a computer, even if the kid is supposed to be excited (yet his eyes are half-lidded like he's falling asleep?). I mean he isn't even sitting so that he'd be in line with the screen, he's much more to the side, and the screen is in the middle.

    Also overall I'd think where you place your detail and how much you stylize. The face of the kid is fairly simple and cutesy and everything has simple and round lines, but then you try to add all the joints and lots of realistic form to the hands which just makes them creepy and unfitting.

    Last edited by TinyBird; August 26th, 2012 at 04:00 PM.
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    I'm willing to accept that the computer is an iMac or something similar--but yeah, the overall pose feels really awkward. If you move the display closer to the kid's side of the desk and adjust his pose accordingly (i.e., redraw it so he's sitting in some kind of normal sitting-at-a-desk pose) I think it will work much better.

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    Thanks TinyBird, great crit, all valid comments. From them I think I'll definitely act on your advice regarding the table, eyes and hand, I drew the hand like that to try and get it right but won't render it that detailed. I'll add the keyboard keys but I'm going to leave out wires, the tower, etc.

    I need him to read left to right and be clear in his actions so he's left-handed as a result. Clarity also influenced his position too. I'm on the fence with that, anyone else got any views?

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    Thanks Giacomo, I posted before I saw your reply.

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    RomanRiot is offline Dedicated Student of the Arts Level 4 Gladiator: Meridiani
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    Hey Cobster, maybe try a view from behind with a massive moniter, using his left hand on a mouse thats jumping off the mat, and a keyboard that's moving too. Make a halo of light around him and go from there. Good luck, hope that gives you another idea at least!

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    I think it depends on what kind of picturebook you are working on, and what kind of artworks should be contained -- so I am not sure if the computer has to look that realistic. maybe it is okay like it is. It is also okay to me, if you say it is a lefthanded kid with a lefthand mouse.

    I like the arms and hands (for me they do not look too realistic, because it might look very different when it has got coloured), but I think the spine could be a bit more dynamic to support the emotion. All in all I think it will look funny (I hope it is supposed to do so).

    Good luck and have fun continuing on it!

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    Quote Originally Posted by RomanRiot View Post
    Hey Cobster, maybe try a view from behind with a massive moniter, using his left hand on a mouse thats jumping off the mat, and a keyboard that's moving too. Make a halo of light around him and go from there. Good luck, hope that gives you another idea at least!
    Thanks RomanRiot, I use an over the shoulder view elsewhere in the book.

    Thanks GregorKari.

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    The kid's torso is extremely long.

    The kid's arms are extremely short.

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    Update - Crits Applied

    Thanks guys, here's my update. I've changed his eyes, shortened his torso (thanks arenhaus), added keys to the keyboard and changed his left hand as I wasn't happy with it.

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    The torso is still very long and.

    An arm, hanging straight down in standing position, reaches to the middle of the thigh (measured by the middle finger tip). The elbow is at the lower rib level. The thigh is the same length as the torso (and the shin together with the foot are too.)

    If you project the lengths of the limbs onto the torso in your drawing, you'll see that the thigh is about 1/4 too short, and the arms reach at best to the hip joint, instead of the mid-thigh.

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  17. #12
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    Thanks again arenhaus, I'm going to leave it as it is now, I always think kids have shorter arms but that might just be me and I need to get moving on it, please come back to crit my values when I post them. Thanks.

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