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  1. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Spot View Post
    Take some time out and go and enjoy the company of your friends. Don't even consider rushing headlong into another relationship until you can think of her without it hurting. Been there, done that.
    Just asking (not like I am tempted or anything) but why would it be a bad idea to go into another relationship with the pain from a previous one?
    Do a lot of work and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
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  3. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eternal Apprentice View Post
    Just asking (not like I am tempted or anything) but why would it be a bad idea to go into another relationship with the pain from a previous one?
    Mainly because you'd still be too attached. It'll distract you from building up the new one. It's not absolutely necessary for the wound to heal perfectly of course, but just to a point where it's a manageable, non-distracting ache at worst.

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  5. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eternal Apprentice View Post
    Just asking (not like I am tempted or anything) but why would it be a bad idea to go into another relationship with the pain from a previous one?
    Because you'll be spending the energy you could be putting towards making newgirl feel appreciated and loved into pining away over oldgirl. There's a reason they say rebounds don't work.

    Everyone's got their baggage from past relationships, but it's just not fair to the other party if you're still holding out for your ex. Besides, the best way to get into a relationship is when you're happy and stable with yourself and your standing.

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  7. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eternal Apprentice View Post
    Just asking (not like I am tempted or anything) but why would it be a bad idea to go into another relationship with the pain from a previous one?
    Personally I have experience with getting into a relationship with a guy who just went through a difficult break-up, and it was not pleasant. He was going through a lot of stuff and projecting his problems onto me, always comparing me to the last girl and going through the things he liked and didn't like about her. It always felt like he settled for me because he couldn't have her. After about 6 months we broke up, spent a few months apart and started over fresh without all that annoying baggage and it was much better.

    When people advise you to get a new girl to get over the old one, I think they're typically talking about short flings and one-night stands. Getting into a new long-term relationship when you're still coming to terms with the last one tends to start the whole thing off on the wrong foot.

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  9. #50
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    "Just asking (not like I am tempted or anything) but why would it be a bad idea to go into another relationship with the pain from a previous one?"

    Does it sound like a good idea?

    I think the best advice you got was work out a lot, you get something from it in terms of getting in shape, and it makes you feel good.

    Breaking up is horrible, theres no choice in that. The only choice you do have how you deal with it; being a whiny child or a man. That doesnt mean you cant have a sniffle or two, but it does mean manning up, being nice to your ex, not bugging her and taking care of yourself. And getting to work. Think of the extra time youll have to get shit-hot at drawing. Use that pain!!
    And eventually, youll start to notice other people who you like.
    Last edited by Velocity Kendall; August 11th, 2012 at 04:21 PM.
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  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Velocity Kendall View Post
    I think the best advice you got was work out a lot, you get something from it in terms of getting in shape, and it makes you feel good.
    Or find an interesting project or hobby that you can immerse yourself in. The key is to find something interesting that takes your mind off the situation but also builds confidence and gives you something to look forward to.

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  13. #52
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    Last edited by Velocity Kendall; August 11th, 2012 at 04:22 PM.
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  15. #53
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    O btw, you should totally watch 500 Days of Summer if you haven't seen it yet; it would be totally relatable for you right now http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1022603/

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  17. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by littlebones View Post
    Because you'll be spending the energy you could be putting towards making newgirl feel appreciated and loved into pining away over oldgirl. There's a reason they say rebounds don't work.

    Everyone's got their baggage from past relationships, but it's just not fair to the other party if you're still holding out for your ex. Besides, the best way to get into a relationship is when you're happy and stable with yourself and your standing.
    Yeah, you'd be hung up on "somebody that you used to know. . ."


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  19. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Velocity Kendall View Post
    Good God! Is this pointing at the meaninglessness of it all? Is he saying in the end it would have been all for naught? That soon the person that you associate with the words and feeling for "love will one day be the very thing that grinds you down to your very core?

    Fascinating.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kamber Parrk View Post
    Yeah, you'd be hung up on "somebody that you used to know. . ."
    This is THAT song!? I heard this every day in America.
    Last edited by Eternal Apprentice; August 12th, 2012 at 02:23 AM.
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  20. #56
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    500 days of summer was just full of... sadness. I ended up hating the girl for what she did to the guy. I can see what the movie is trying to say, though. Nobody can really be labeled as "the one" because of something.. i can't remember why.

    About that advice on listening to sad songs. Adele seems to be doing the trick. So many manly tears. Manly, manly.
    Do a lot of work and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
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    Tensai --- A La Bapsi --- Psychobuddy --- Wingal--- Lakai

  21. #57
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    Oh, I'm sorry you found it so sad. I personally found it uplifting because once he accepts that the relationship isn't going to work, he starts focusing on the things he had been ignoring, like his own passion for architecture, and through that process he's able to move on to the next stage of his life and come out a better person for it. But yeah, the girl isn't painted as a terribly nice person because it's very much from Tom's perspective. It was written by a guy just after he was dumped and is very autobiographical.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/(500)_D...Summer#Writing

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  23. #58
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    I'm really sorry to hear that. I feel bad for laughing at that gif though

    If I must recommend anything to you it's this: Don't say anything you don't mean, good or bad. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, and let it become part of the past.
    No matter how pointless it may seem don't abandon the other things that you like in life, and do your best not to dwell on why it ended; You'll just end up hurting more.
    Take care of yourself.
    Last edited by Turpentine; August 14th, 2012 at 06:49 AM.

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  25. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by dierat View Post
    Oh, I'm sorry you found it so sad. I personally found it uplifting because once he accepts that the relationship isn't going to work, he starts focusing on the things he had been ignoring, like his own passion for architecture, and through that process he's able to move on to the next stage of his life and come out a better person for it. But yeah, the girl isn't painted as a terribly nice person because it's very much from Tom's perspective. It was written by a guy just after he was dumped and is very autobiographical.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/(500)_D...Summer#Writing
    When he started doing that (focusing on himself) I thought of all the comments in this thread. It will all be easier when I get back to America.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turpentine View Post
    I'm really sorry to hear that. I feel bad for laughing at that gif though

    If I must recommend anything to you it's this: Don't say anything you don't mean, good or bad. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, and let it become part of the past.
    No matter how pointless it may seem don't abandon the other things that you like in life, and do your best not to dwell on why it ended; You'll just end up hurting more.
    Take care of yourself.
    Thanks. Much appreciated.
    Do a lot of work and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
    Eternal Sketchbook

    Tensai --- A La Bapsi --- Psychobuddy --- Wingal--- Lakai

  26. #60
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    So I made it drag on until now, 7 months later. We were both in limbo about where we were in the relationship and she confessed to being selfish. She wanted to eat the cake and have it too. I really thought that wouldn't be possible with her but as a person said in here she would do it, willingly or unwillingly. I got sick of her treating me like a boyfriend yet using the "just friends" quote when she felt like it. I got sick of the pain of being in limbo about my feelings and about her feelings. I just couldn't take it any more. I am glad it didn't last for years. It could have easily lasted that long, but I am done. I was so scared of losing her to someone else or her forgetting about me that I would stew in my pain just to make sure that I knew she wasn't going after anybody else and that she still "loves" me. *sigh* It also began to hurt when she said that.

    Anyway, better late than never.
    Do a lot of work and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
    Eternal Sketchbook

    Tensai --- A La Bapsi --- Psychobuddy --- Wingal--- Lakai

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