It reads better overall but it's pretty dark by himself. You should do another 2 or 3 pages of concepts about this guy, maybe in different poses, maybe with different elements or shapes. Don't be sad if this one isn't super good and don't be sad if you wont put this one in the portfolio, of course it's ok if you want to but you should be prepared to make like 3 of them in 1 day so if it's not today you'll find a really good one to put in your portfolio very soon.
Just don't be scared of changing stuff around, enjoy it! It's the fun of being a concept artist, here's a quote of a man that i extremely respect: “If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original.” Ken Robinson