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February 29th, 2012 #1
My message to people being bullied
A message to people getting bullied and bullies altogether. A small slice of my story.
I hope this video will reach people facing this issue and if it does, i hope it will help them just a little bit.
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February 29th, 2012 #2
Sickbrush, I hope you don't mind if i copy/paste this from facebook
IMO, 6:15 onwards is especially good. My situation wasn't as bad physically, more psychological. What i think really helped me though was training in martial arts; it built up the 'warrior spirit' and directed the anger that came from bullying in a disciplined, and ultimately creative direction.
Bullies are weak inside. The only reason they do it, to my knowledge is because they lack the inner-strength and self-control, as well as the guidance, to deal with their own pain. Which often comes from their families. The bullies are often dealing with a more difficult situation than those they pick on. Every one is just passing the plate around
Also, i'll link this just out of similarity: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/sho...d.php?t=129756
There's worse things out there though; i wouldn't want to live in Mexico City or Manchester. These are people who were never loved. Past a certain age, that door can't be opened as they are angry and in a lot of pain themselves, stuck in a self-destructive cycle
March 2nd, 2012 #3
I've only had problems with people twice, both were years ago and only one was really a bully, but I know for a fact that one these people did not have particularly bad situation at home (the other did), the first guy was the classic bully, bigger and stronger than I was (the only guy in the school that was taller), he put me in some seriously difficult positions, like following me home to take something from my house because he claimed I owed him money. So I couldn't go home for like an hour because he didn't know where I lived and I wasn't about to lead him there, he also threatened to stab my family members if they got in the way. This was where I had my one and only fight, and I was shit scared because I called his bluff on having a knife (or a bora' as he called it), like most bullies, he stopped after I stood up to him, I still got my arse handed to me though.
The second guy was actually a girl and it was more ongoing, I sort of wanted to be her friend and she was nice like 50% of the time (Inviting me to do stuff out of school etc), but the other 50% of the time she was constantly an arsehole, using the stuff he knew about me to come up with the most hurtful insults, and then come out with something like "nah, only joking", and walk off. It was worse because I wasn't sure if she was a friend or not (and at the time I wasn't spoiled for choice with friends). I eventually made other friends and stopped giving a shit about her. I recently found out that she did the same thing to someone else earlier this year and she ended up getting raped by him, plus at the time I knew her, her father was sexually abusing her, but no one knew until years later, so she had a much worse time of it than I did. I suppose it was something to do with manipulating someone because of what was happening to her...
March 2nd, 2012 #4
Until I was 13 I never spent more then 2 years in a school, most were in different countries. My Dad built power stations. Being always the new kid in the classroom, I sort of developed this aloof persona that staved off most of the bullies. When I was 14 and went to boarding school some decided to try. I'm pretty laid back and it takes a lot to rile me. There was this one occasion when a bully did provoke me. I was playing the piano as I often did, she put my music in the bin. I pulled it out and carried on ignoring her, so she shut the lid on my hands. It wasn't that hard, but enough. I stood up and slapped her so hard that I left a red imprint on her cheek, which lasted for days. I was amused that so many people came and said thank you afterwards. She was never sure about me after that and I had a much nicer time.
There's also the kind where you're expected to fall in with everyone else's plans all of the time, even if you know you and probably everyone else will be bored. I made a New Year's resolution in my early 20s to say, "No!" It sure caused some consternation, but it made me and a few of my friends a lot happier.
Sickbrush, you've gone through a lot worse than I have. What doesn't kill you does make you stronger in the long run and it looks like that's what has happened to you. Stay strong and feel smug that you've won.
That girl is on FB and talks about school being the best days of her life. I refuse to add her.
March 2nd, 2012 #5
nice post man.
i was bullied a lot when i was a kid... really bad stuff. eventually I got revenge though... one by one i fucked em up. I would pick and choose the times, I would make sure there was a teacher right there, not 5 ft away, so that i could do as much damage as possible before the teacher broke it up, before they could even hit me once. one by one, putting them in the hospital.
but i dont recommend this route, i eventually ended up in jail.
but the worst bullying i ever got was from family.
what i try to remind people is that nothing lasts forever.
you hear people tell you that when you're having a great day "enjoy it while it lasts, nothing lasts forever"
but people forget that that also applies to bad things too.
my life was shit, my mother was a junkie, my father a selfish narcissistic prick, my grandfather beat me on a regular basis and eventually pulled a gun on me.
but i knew deep down in my core that it wouldn't be that way forever.
i got away from that life and created a new one here in Cali. I put myself through college, have a home with an amazing girlfriend whom i've been with for 5 years, 2 dogs, i'm at the top of my field making 150k a year as a freelance designer animator, and im HAPPY.
why? because i FOUGHT for it. for me it was a healthy dose of knowing the bad wont last forever, and being angry enough to prove them all wrong. to prove to them that i wasn't crazy, that i wasn't evil, that i wasnt going to work at mac donalds all my life, that i wasn't stupid, that i wasn't every demeaning thing they said i was.
you gotta find that fuck you attitude and use it as fuel for the fire, drive, determination to be more successful than them.
you have to want to make it more than you want to breathe.
March 3rd, 2012 #6
Sickbrush I'm totally there with you. I've been severely bullied since the 2nd grade and have gone through well over 12 or 13 schools due to me simply being the first child and having difficulties with others at school. My teachers used to even verbally abuse me and some of them would pull my hair and hit me because I would fill up 5 subject notebooks with drawings in a day. I was always the tomboy growing up and got along best with men, never really liked women or played with dolls ever. there are very few girls that I get along with and I say those are the quality ones and worth keeping. I'm grateful to have unconditionally loving and supportive parents and family at my back. Definitely a Godsend.
I agree with The dirtsyndicate as well, my situation wasnt as severe, it was only in school and social situations. but hes right. Gotta keep your eyes on the prize. This world is full of selfish people that are out for themselves. Its made me hard, motivated and unrelentlessly driven towards working as a character designer in the animation industry. Our experiences make us who we are to this day, and I'd say everything I went through with my peers throughout my childhood shaped me into who I am today. Focused, driven, motivated and have a singularity of purpose and direction.
Just keep on doing what your doing people and youll get to where you need to be. The bullies arent worth crying over, be headstrong and focus on your future and developing personal life.
Talent and Creativity are yours to use and keep
[S K E T C H B O O K]
March 3rd, 2012 #7
March 3rd, 2012 #8Registered User
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Agreed with the video, also had very bad bullying experiences. It's important to realize that the bullies really are just dicks and they're basically using you as means to impress others or make themselves feel better. I recommend growing up to be a total badass who makes them look like the worthless dicks they are.
March 3rd, 2012 #9
"Until I was 13 I never spent more then 2 years in a school, most were in different countries. My Dad built power stations. Being always the new kid in the classroom, I sort of developed this aloof persona that staved off most of the bullies. When I was 14 and went to boarding school"
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March 3rd, 2012 #10
March 3rd, 2012 #11
I was a big kid, so believe it or not every little douche bag with a napolean complex wanted to fight, which was stupid because I usually won, but they would go so far out of their way to make my life hell. They would spread rumors and try to get me jumped by gang bangers and shit. Luckily I could usually reason with the gang bangers. But for the most part the little fuckers with a big mouth could manage to make me enemy number 1.
Sickbrush- you had a different brand of bullies. They took it to a new level. They make the skinheads and vatos I grew up dealing with seem gentle and fluffy.
March 3rd, 2012 #12
I was bullied in primary school but mostly psychologically and I agree it leaves some permanent scar in mind. It could delay obtaining social skills as for a pretty quiet person I was even less eager to interact with people. Luckily it got progressively better once I started studying architecture at university. I met some really open and nice people there. Nowdays it's so past memory that it doesn't really cross my mind much.
March 3rd, 2012 #13
Hey guys, wow i didn't expect so many replies on this.
I'm glad people are talking about it in an open fashion yet i'm sad in the same time because there seems to be so many of you who had the same issues.
Long story short, it was pretty much the same for me, Black Spot and Velocity Kendall, moving all over the place being the new guy constantly. Plus i had long hair and leather jacket so hehe i was an obvious pick.
Things got gradually better as i became slightly better at drawing and way better at fighting. It pretty much ended when i got into a fight with 4 bullies at the same time and managed to lay them on the ground. Of course, with age things get better, especially if you're a very straightforward person with strong principles and you stand by them. Bullies usually pick on the weak so a strong character overall gets bullied less.
I agree with the fact that most bullies have hard conditions at home / family. However, i didn't turn into one and ohoh boy do i have a story to tell. It'll all be in my first art book introduction, promise. Whenever that time comes.
People are volatile and all these issues are bent under social conditions. I'm just really glad that bullying hasn't made me socially awkward in any way and i'm able to live my life under "normal" patterns. I hope things are or will be the same for you and you're all in a better place now.
Thanks for sharing your stories, i know it's not easy to talk about it.
March 4th, 2012 #14
I applaud you being able to share your personal experience in front of a camera it's not something many who've been through those kind of things would want to do.
At a young age I like many moved around a lot, mainly back and forth between separated parents, then to top it off I went from being homeschooled to a private christian school and a sheltered environment to middle public school in an instant. I was socially awkward, never cursed, didn't know any of the norms, how to dress, anything and kids at a young age, they are just flat out cruel. I didn't have as much physical abuse as everyone here, there was some, but it was round the clock verbal abuse, our classes were mostly shared, so the same people were in every classes torturing me. Older kids, girls, bigger kids, everyone. From the bus to school through the day from the bus/bus stop home to the door of my house. Every single day. I was held back a grade because I refused to go to school and missed too many days. When you have issues at home, issues at school and only safe place is just a locked room it's a terrible state to live in.
But I pushed through it, made a close friend who I'm still close friends with to this day along with many others I've known for almost a decade. Then by high school I don't know what it was. Things just got better almost instantaneously. Every weird thing about me that was made fun of before was then cool. I think mainly what helped was it just reached a breaking point. After middle school I went into high school and I just didn't care. But ironically once I stopped caring my inhibitions dropped and I made friends easily. Highschools are generally smallish if you make friends from different social groups it networks. It just became even more so through the years of highschool to the point I went from being bullied every day and beaten up to being in the homecoming court in the parade. Things do get better. It's crazy how quick they can too.
I had a friend who was in even worse shape than I was at home. He lived with his mom, and she was just flat out abusive. He would be just ditched in the middle of nowhere. He'd rarely have any food. She tried to stab him with a knife. He's now in the CIA and doing better than anyone I know.
While there are other people who have never had a single problem in their life and fall to pieces the moment something bad happens. Sadly this happened to one of my friends who in college got hooked on cocaine and was found dead in his room.
Things will get better if you can push through it.
March 4th, 2012 #15
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March 4th, 2012 #16
I guess it's okay to share your story?
I've been bullied for pretty much my entire school time. Not anymore tough.
Between 3rd and 6th grade I was beaten up by older students. I remember one time when they forced me to clean a guys moped with my t-shirt, I wasn't allowed to put on any clothes to go outside. This was in the middle of winter. Swedish winter. My classmates stood by the side and laughed.
I din't have many friends, pretty much everyone was picking on me. Calling me names and not playing with me.
I grew bigger though, I'm currently 6'4 feet. It helps.
When I got older I stopped taking peoples shit and started to fight back. If people treated me like shit I would fight them.
I'm turning 17 this year. I've been to several therapists because of depression. Things are looking better though, I have friends now. I was pretty happy a couple of weeks ago, but the depression is returning. I think the bullying has left me kinda fucked in the head, I don't know.
It feels like I'm just whining compared to your guys storys, haha...
Things get better though!
March 4th, 2012 #17
Sickbrush through my entire schooltime we had all the genric anti bullying videos under the sun hell I remember one time we had someone come in who obviouslly didnt have a clue what she is on about as she pretty much told us that self defence is wrong. but out of everything bullying related video that ive watched yours is definitely the most real.
Its always a lot better to hear it from someone who was bullied rather than a teacher who clearly had never been bullied and is talking shit so once again great vid.
As for actually being bullied well through primary school I was bullied a lot and I pretty much only had 1 friend but he mostly started playing with other people during my last 2 years though as we gradually got different interests.
I can barely remember who actually bullied it was a long time ago so my memorys fuzzy but I mainly ended up just not talking to barely anyone at my school which ended up with me getting a slight social anxiety.
During my secondary school though I got 3 friends 2 of which I still have and I stopped taking shit anymore so although there were a few bullies I wasnt bullied as much as I was before.
There was 1 guy in my 7th and 8th year though he was fucking insane.
For the first year and a half it was all pretty normal bullying with him we had arguments, we had fights the usual sort of bullying and we barely ever let it get to us until he fucking attacked one of my friends on the way home with a fucking brick.
My friend is a good fighter though so he came out relatively fine and the guy was kicked out off school he hasnt fucking learnt though as recently I heard from someone from my old class that he was kicked out off college and was arrested for being in the london riots.
The guy can rot for all I care.
March 4th, 2012 #18
Not all bullying is physical. I got excluded by joining a school mid year, mid term. All the cliques had been established by then and they weren't letting anyone new in. This is more a girl thing. A guy who's good at sport, supports the right team doesn't find it quite as hard to make friends. My younger brother didn't have nearly as many problems.
My older brother got bullied as he wasn't really into sports. He did do judo with the rest of the family for a short time (although he wasn't very good at it) but it gave him a confidence that showed in his walk, which made him less of a target.
It's hard being a kid, but you do grow up and it does sort of stop. I'm pretty well the most placid person you would ever meet, but I have boundaries that I'll only let you push so far.
I exploded at work a couple of years ago when one guy was pontificating so much that I couldn't take it any more. Talk about deathly hush after I told him to fucking shut his mouth. He may one day be a partner and my boss, but I don't regret it one bit.
As horrid as it may sound, when I was in South Africa (during the Apartheid regime) as I kid I learned not to talk about my wonderful time in Nigeria. I was so happy when my parents couldn't stand it any longer either and left. Three years of keeping your mouth shut does things to a kid. If I'd opened it, my life would have been worse. Now I'm an adult I don't have to be afraid. I live in a part of London where people talk to each other regardless of colour and I love it, even if it is a shithole. Bullying doesn't stop with childhood though. Work places have their own special type of subtle stuff. Nearly brained a racist, homophobic partner a few years back and didn't because the senior partner stepped in and defused the situation, but he's still there dripping his poison with plausible words. He so needs to retire before I nut him.
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March 5th, 2012 #19
Thanks for the video and to everyone else thanks for the stories.
I was lightly picked on all through Jr. High, but it was my Sophomore year of high school where my bullying experience began.
In our school, you were required 1 year of P.E. and up until that point I loved P.E. class! I enjoyed playing light sports or kickball, boxing, dodgeball, etc. So I took it my Sophomore year, totally expecting to take it each year!
But I learned my lesson fast. They grouped up the sophomores, juniors, and seniors into one class so the teams for games were larger. 90% of the people in the class were football players, half of which were Seniors. The P.E. teacher? He was the football coach. So every single time the football players didn't "hustle" enough or didn't practice hard enough or screwed a play up, he'd punish them the next day in P.E. class. That included the 5 or so people that weren't football players. I remember we always had to do these bear crawls (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgoqXPb8SME) for essentially the entire period. Time after time after time we had to go across the auditorium, and if you fucked up (read: got exhausted) and flopped onto your stomach? He made the whole class do more. And of course, us nonathletic people flopped onto our stomachs and he'd tell the football players that because Dusty flopped on his stomach, they had to do 5 more. You know...me...the guy who had NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.
So the next day when he "rewarded" us for our backbreaking efforts the previous day with a "nice" game of Dodgeball, I would come home bloody in the face because of kickballs being shotgunned at my face at 75 mph. I'd get picked on in the shower room (the LAST place on earth I want to be picked on). And the teacher would make me run harder than others because I was "underperforming". Nevermind the fact that football players SIGN UP for that kind of rigorous boot-camp style exercise. I just wanted to stay in shape.
And this was basically every day. I'd get picked last along with the fat kid, eye-rolled that I was on their team, and then when I "messed up" on a game, I'd get punished for it by both teacher and football players in and out of class. My sophomore year was spent running from asshole football players that couldn't grasp that I didn't want anything to do with it, but I was being forced to. Oh and then, I got further ostracized because I didn't go to the big friday game nights to 'support the team'. Why would I support people that terrorize me all day long?
It lightened up by the time I hit my senior year, because all of those seniors who picked on me had graduated and since I didn't HAVE to take PE anymore the football players in my own grade basically saw me as invisible, which I liked.
People always look at me like I am crazy when they ask what I thought of the big football game on tv and I get this serious, shellshock face and tell them that I fucking hate football. "What, it's just a game!?". Not to me, it isn't.
To me it's one of the reasons why kids get bullied. Who cares about that kid that you are putting down every day when you are the town hero! You just got that big scholarship, everyone tells you how great you are and how many opportunities you are going to have in the big leagues! So what does it matter if you constantly make fun of someone else, push them, belittle them, and tell lies about them around school.
That's no hero in my book. But it is to most sports fans! As long as they are great at running a ball up and down a field, they are apparently immune to punishment for their horrible behavior.
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March 8th, 2012 #20
reading a lot of what has happened to you guys makes my experiences seem like drops in the ocean (although at the time I thought I was the most put-upon person in the world), but you all seem to have stories that end with "and then I beat them all up", I get that my story also ended in a fight, but like I expected, I lost...badly.
My dad once said (about who, I forget) "He's got the arrogance of someone who's never been punched in the face." This was the first time I realised my dad wasn't Superman, it was the first time I actually disagreed with him, he said it in a way that suggested he wanted to be the person to punch this guy in the face.
I never want to get to the point where I have to fight to prove my worth, I think of myself as a VERY non-violent person, and it goes against all my morals to go and cause somebody pain because of what they've said. Frankly I'd rather get the shit kicked out of me than kick the shit out of someone else. I have very little woundable pride/ego, and there is nothing I can think of that someone could say to me that would make me hurt them. I understand that in sickbrush's case, he pretty much HAD to fight, but generally I see physical fighting as a sign, not of manly prowess, but of uncivilised, mental weakness. I've been in one fight, and I did not like it. I didn't like being under physical threat, and I didn't like physically threatening someone else, it made me feel stupid and childishly animalistic. There is nothing fun about being in a fight, there is no glory to be had. Fighting is only a means to and end, and in my opinion, physical violence is the endgame, something bestial that should only happen when all other options have been exhausted. It makes you less human, our intelligence and mental control is what sets us apart from the animals and to beat on each other makes us no better than a pair of rutting deer/buffalo.
I'm not having a go at anyone, but TheDirtySindicate has stated that he regrets what he's done, and I imagine probably for more than just the fact that he spent time in jail. All those bullies are the sort of person I try really hard not to be, and by injuring other people, we really are no better than them.
I understand that fighting is, for some, a necessity, but I truly believe that anyone who comes out of a physical fight not disappointed in themselves has something wrong with them.
It pretty much ended when i got into a fight with 4 bullies at the same time and managed to lay them on the ground.
The punched in the face comment I said earlier has some merit, in that (in my opinion) you have to take some abuse to learn what is right and wrong and how to treat other humans.
March 8th, 2012 #21
Eh your not the only one. I was completely non violent. I was punched in middle school 4 times for the first time. Though ironically didn't flinch and didn't really feel anything. Was an odd silence and lack of any real pain. Guess the guy sucked at punching or something.
But anyways for me it was the opposite result. Taking a few punches without even moving an inch, on the way back to the locker room everyone kept asking "Aw dude why didn't you beat the hell out of him?! It's written all over your face you wanted to!"
Then apparently after that behind the scenes random people I didn't even barely know threatened the guy never to touch me again. Random strangers.
However at the same time, there was another guy who 'semi bullied' me. Just did annoying shit like take my stuff without asking then not give it back without tons of effort. For that guy, I grabbed him by the shirt, slammed him against the wall grabbed my stuff and he never pulled that shit again.
It varies, it's never as simple as fight, don't fight. Sometimes if you don't someone finds it a sign of weakness to make it worse, sometimes if you do it escalates until it's practically gang related.
March 8th, 2012 #22
March 8th, 2012 #23
"I was punched in middle school 4 times for the first time. Though ironically didn't flinch and didn't really feel anything. Was an odd silence and lack of any real pain."
Its surprising, but being punched in the face really doesnt hurt that much, even right on the nose, especially if theyre not wearing any rings or are drunk or dont know what theyre doing.
"This was the first time I realised my dad wasn't Superman"
Thats a tough one at first, but realising your dad is just a man, whether hes a shitty dad or a good one, is the definition of growing from a kid to a young adult. Childish ideals are pure, but theyre also just that, childish, and simplistic. Learning the world is complex and your dad can be wrong changes everything. Its good when later you can be friends with him as a man.
"Nearly brained a racist, homophobic partner a few years back"
Ha homosexuality, the great taboo of child-men everywhere. It blows my mind how much fuss people make about gay marriage. Get over it morons, if you dont like gay marriage dont marry someone of the same sex.
"Things just got better almost instantaneously. Every weird thing about me that was made fun of before was then cool."
Yeah thats awesome, these days if you live in the first world its cool to be smart, or gay, or unusual. People love to call out "political correctness" as a bad thing, but I say forcing people by law to treat others fairly regardless of gender, sexuality, colour, age, language, or any of the other things that differentiate us is one of the greatest leaps forward in our history. Its a real step away from our barbarous past.
"I kid I learned not to talk about my wonderful time in Nigeria."
I love that part of Africa. Id love to go back to Accra one day. I have a hunch that that part of the world is going to be REALLY going places in 50 years time, like NYC in the 20th century.
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March 8th, 2012 #24
Dusty, I can relate to that.
I haven't really been given the best hand of genetic cards. I am not in good health, and never really was, so sports were kind of far from my radar in school.
What surprised me though is how much being the worst dude at sports really impact your social standing so to speak. Very surprising that something like skill at basketball could make or break someone's high school experience.
That and also being Russian was another reason for me being bullied.
Unfortunately, and I must admit this, bullying stopped when I became a bit more cool and less awkward. That is just kind of hard the cards lay, I would never suggest compromising your personality in order to not be bullied. I was just lucky that my personality developed into whatever shape kids liked at the time.
Stick with whatever makes you who you are until high school ends, and with that so do most of your social troubles I think. People value uniqueness later on in life.
March 8th, 2012 #25
I was bullied.
What kept me from killing the bastards, was the fact that I did not know how to fight & a very bad case of passive/aggression.
If it was the me now back then...
My SketchBook http://www.conceptart.org/forums/sho...d.php?t=139784
http://www.conceptart.org/forums/sho...d.php?t=192127"Everything must serve the idea. The means used to convey the idea should be the simplest and clear. Just what is required. No extra images. To me this is a universal principle of art. Saying as much as possible with a minimum of means."-John Huston, Director