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I am new here not much of a poster but I want to make this illustration stronger. Basically I am working on my second film, a sci-fi animated film. The main character is a photographer chosen to go into space, more or less. I want to create a special semi graphic looking illustration for my convention banner. C&C would be very helpful in making the pose stronger (which is something I am trying to get better at)
Thanks in advance!
I'm not exactly sure, but it seems like the arm should be more directed towards us. Right now it looks like she's reaching behind her, since the body's on an angle but the arm's not. It would also be more dramatic with the foreshortening, I think. I hope that helps
In addition to what KillerByte said I'd like to offer a redline pointing some other things I've noticed. I'm not really an expert on the matter, but I think the following should be helpful.
-her hairline on the nape extends a bit too far to the front. Her jaw should obscure it
-her facial outline is a bit malformed. I'm not entirely sure of her eye position either.
-her breasts are a bit too high on her chest. Breasts are positioned remarkably low if you look at references.
Yea your right, I was thinking something similar earlier today, just glad I can sit on this a while. Thanks for the input.
I can see the photographer, but where's the space? I personally would definitely add an underlying space theme to the image, even something like a splash of space/nightsky to the background.
Also why is the camera pointing away from us? That just obscures the fact that it's clearly a camera as people are more likely to recognize the camera as what it is with a quick glance if you have a more generic/iconic front view.
And like KillerByte said, if her body is angled like that, having the arm like that would be uncomfortable and looks weird. Also I personally think the overly folded camera strap just looks distracting when nothing else seems to go to the same level of complexity, and overall they don't create very balanced "shape" to the image.
This is just my overall idea for the sky and strap, but I'd really suggest you to change the arm and camera pose.
I also think you need to figure out the size of your banner, and design the image to make good use of it.
I made a banner for last year's Illuxcon, and right from the start I had making good use of the space in mind. I also knew I wanted a semi close up of a character that would look good from across a room. Have a plan for the text even at the sketch stage.
I think TinyBird's suggestion is the way to go (maybe even make the space part even wider once you know the width of the banner). Also, his indication of a hand looks more natural than the one you currently have. It's not a natural relaxed grip currently.
You guys are really great, thanks so much for the help, I have been looking for a critiquing community for a while after thedrawingboard kinda teetered off into nothing.
I made a lot of the suggestions, since the story has to do with Jupiter I worked that in, before I had her hair as the container now I am using the strap so I could get it out of the way. The camera still feels off but I can worry about that later , its 'freehanded' right now. I also added my site logo to the top which is FPO for now and would be on white.
As far as the banner is concerned I am looking to do a vertical scroll, so for the most part I am keeping the bottom empty (not shown).
Hum, I updated the drawing but was not able to post. I tried emailing the contact link at the bottom and the email bounces... any suggestions?
I am not to sure why this didn't post the first time. But I just wanted to say thanks for the help I took most of the suggestions. Let me know what you think.
Also the face looks kinda creepily uneven, her other eye seems to get sunken to her face and her nose and lips aren't lined.
I don't know if that's the effect you are going for, but... it just doesn't look good to me.
Last edited by TinyBird; February 24th, 2012 at 04:55 PM.
Good suggestions and changes all round, but I wonder if with the new angle on her arm, it might not be a bit larger since it's coming towards the viewer? Perspective and foreshortening and all that.
I also feel like the way you've got her hair covering the right side of her neck makes it look oddly skinny. Though thats probably me being overly picky and it might look fine once the colour and shading is on it, so feel free to ignore me if you disagree.
Bah.. sorry I didn't mean to rate this post a 2!!! I thought that was to take me to the second page of this thread
Live life, Live love, Love life, then die -- SaiVix
I would really love some honest critiques and improvements suggestions
Renewed Study - I'm drawing again!!
So I tried a lot of TinyBird's advice and I think its getting close, I really appreciate all the great feedback! On thing that I heard from a few places was the neck, she does have a thin-ish neck however I can see it looking a little weird here, instead of making the neck fatter I pulled some of the hair forward over the shoulder so that the hair line is more distinct. I also shrunk her head by about 20%.
Just posting a rough shading update. I am blocking in the shadows right now but will work them more later. I wanted to get the volumes correct and to have a consistent light. I left some room on the right for a bit of a bounce light as well.
Last edited by orbital318; March 2nd, 2012 at 04:59 PM. Reason: no image
The composition bugs me. Theres no reason for that posture, she wouldn't hold a camera like that, etc. I did an extremely quick paint over to show what i'm thinking, you could pull it off with the same comp, but make the posture make sense. I also really think you should rotate the head slightly, that left eye just doesn't work imo. Hope that helps, nice job otherwise.
I have an update, I made changes to the eye on the left and the width of the body, its thicker. Also just FYI as guidance since this will be a plused-up version of a 2d animated character I still want to retain the outline. Though I did tint the line a little.
Well, I think you're dangerously approaching the "Uncanny Valley" with your level of rendering of the face. The drawing is very stylized and cartoony in proportions, but you're starting to add and render details like the philtrum groove in more realistic manner, which to my eyes is starting to look awkward, so personally I'd leave those parts to be as stylized as your original drawing.
@TinyBird - yea I have been thinking about that. I think you are right about the lip thing it gets a little too real there. Thanks for all your advice.
@arenhaus - I actually did incorporate it and ended up moving the face quite a bit as you can see in the attached, I didn't take every line verbatim but I was appreciative of the comments. Its odd though I have never been on a forum where I have been called out for not following someones comments, seems a little harsh.
Last edited by orbital318; March 20th, 2012 at 02:06 PM.
Don't take Arenhaus's comment personally, I don't think they intended to be mean. I think you have done well with changing the character. I'm a little bothered by her chin, because right now it looks very weak and looks as if its disappearing. I think it would look a bit nicer if you tucked in her lower jaw and then extended the chin out a bit, as I illustrated in the pic attached. Her left eye is still a little far away from the bridge of her nose, but it doesn't look too bad.
Her left arm is sort of bothering me, because it's chopped off and makes the composition a little unbalanced in my opinion. Any reason why you have chosen to leave it out? I don't think it would be a bad idea if you had her using it, maybe she could be holding onto the camera strap with it as well or doing something else with it.
@Analoxe - I suppose your right.
That aside I don't think I want her to have such a pointy chin but I think I see your point and there is something wrong with the lower face. Thanks for the advice.
The lower face doesn't exist in the same perspective as the upper face. (The features are distorted) your time would be better spent practicing drawing more.
Also, the highlights you added just make the skin look like it's rubber - you're really better off without it. (I don't know anyone who thinks the airbrushed versions of 2d characters look better than the flat cel-shaded...cels.)
Thanks for your feedback Alice, unfortunately I am working on this piece and I want to see it through so I have a cover for my sketch book at a con I am attending. I do need to draw more excuses aside.
Okay another update. And thanks again for all the comments, its tough sometimes but its helpful, especially when I look back at where i started to where I am now with it.
Most of the work was done on the face, I widened her mouth a bit too and simplified the structures around it. I also adjusted the jaw on the left which was really off. I tried the hand thing but nothing made me happy so I am keeping it out.
I'm afraid you haven't read Tinybird's redline right. You don't need to copy the lines, of course; try to understand what he was trying to show you. For example, he tweaked the location of the far eye, restructured the nose, repositioned the ear, corrected the perspective on the mouth and gave your girl a chin. You don't seem to have followed any of these things, but instead just tweaked the lines in your drawing to be somewhat closer to his lines.
I recommend studies in drawing of a human head structurally.
I actually did take a lot of TinyBird's suggestions and applied them and no I didn't trace it specifically. If you compare where I started at the top and where i ended its much close to what TinyBird was describing. I also restructured the nose, completely redesigned the far eye and lowered the ear and just now i widened her face changed the mouth.
Last edited by orbital318; March 21st, 2012 at 11:52 AM. Reason: being less of a dick
I think the hair is too saturated(the bright comic yellow doesn't match the more realistic skin) and the clothing too unsaturated, I also think her eyes should be a different colour as it's too similar to the colour of her clothing. Maybe change the colour of the camera strap, to make the whole image stand out more. I think her eyebrow is up too high.
Her features are inconsistant too, some cartoony and some realistic. Like her hand takes into consideration all the bones but her eyesockets don't.
These are just suggestions and things I saw in it, I'm not an expert so yeah, maybe I'm wrong lol I quickly did this to show what I mean, I'm sorry if it's bad T_T