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  1. #31
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    First of all, being shy is not a bad thing, but if you don't like being shy:
    Stabby2486 has it pretty much dot on.
    Alcohol is nature's verbal loosener, but its best not to be reliant on it. I drink very rarely, and I like to think I have a fairly reasonable circle of friends.
    If you want to talk to other artists, great! Because you already have something to talk about. Otherwise, there are the classic small-talk conversations (the weather, what music you/they're into etc).
    When you have to leave wherever you are, make sure you make it known that you want to meet up with the other person again, if you started talking at an art class or something, ask: "Are you going to be here next week?" These people are not children, its perfectly normal to have a conversation with a stranger, they're not going to laugh at you if you say: "Tell you what, me and Janet found this coffee shop (or art class or whatever), we're headed there after this, wanna join us?"

    Really, just remember to be relatively outgoing and generally nice.
    Personally, when I first 'came out of my shell' (jeezus, I sound like a school councillor), I thought people wouldn't want to talk to me because I was over weight, but most people over the age of 17 don't really act like that, so if you have any insecurities, ignore them, no one's going to say: "hey, your arse is big, you can't talk to us!" That'd be ridiculous.

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    My introversion is the product of how I was raised. To specify:
    -My parents were aggressive and hard on my grades when I was a kid.
    -I was teased a lot in the seventh grade.
    -I had to transfer to a different school at the middle of eleventh grade. To exacerbate this, a lot of the people went to the same Junior High in the seventh grade.

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  3. #33
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    What's wrong with being an introvert? It's only a disposition and orientation and it has nothing to do with loneliness. Love yourself, there's nothing wrong with you. Once you achieve that your loneliness will begin to subside. Loneliness is a symptom of the mind. It can not be relieved from any external source. Although other people may help to distract you from it for a time, once that abates you will still be lonely. You will not be truly free from loneliness, and outside of the repetitious cycles of lonely/unlonely/lonely, until you vanquish it at it's core, which is within your own mind.

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  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonia Leticia View Post
    ...Can someone really change themselves to be more outgoing?
    I wrote a longer reply but it never passed the moderators... . Short answer is "practice makes permanence". I tried many different methods over many years, but every time I stop, the timidness would come back.

    Keep stretching your comfort zone, and eventually it will loosen up just little bit by little bit.

    Yours and mine environment might want us to think otherwise, but there is nothing wrong with having a personality that enjoys alone time or quiet instead of social babble. I hope you achieve what you want, for I am in the same boat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FightingSeraph View Post
    My introversion is the product of how I was raised. To specify:
    -My parents were aggressive and hard on my grades when I was a kid.
    -I was teased a lot in the seventh grade.
    -I had to transfer to a different school at the middle of eleventh grade. To exacerbate this, a lot of the people went to the same Junior High in the seventh grade.
    I don't know, I don't think you became an introvert because you were being teased one year. Maybe you were being teased because you are an introvert intrinsically or at least coming off that way?

    I was being teased/bullied when I moved to Canada from 10 years of age until 16. I would like to say I would perfectly have loved to be an extrovert in high school, but since I couldn't speak English at first I had to come off an introvert. Since I was looking like one, I was teased in response.I then forced myself to become outgoing, and the teasing came to an abrupt end. I think that is how kids work I reckon.

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    Try meetup.com or other websites like this. I know people that used that site to get together with others that practice a particular hobby and in some cases just naturally become friends and continue to socialize outside of the group.

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    The problem with extroverts is that they don't respect introverts. When an extrovert fucks u, fuck'm hard then fuck'm twice as much then fuck'm again........just kidding, kinda.

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    If you are self concious, remember that no one pays much attention to you as much as you do. They are busy being self concious themselves, most of the time.
    What do you think people will notice that makes you self concious? Is it your awkwardness? Your accent? Your looks? Knowing specifics can help you troubleshoot your problems.
    If it's an accent, practice talking more. If it's because you think everyone stares at that tiny black spot near your nose, just use make up.

    Or.
    Become good at art or at something. People will want to know you more and make the first move. In an art-related profession, this is good as well because you get to know people you work with over time.

    I am opposite of you. Even though I am introvert (had a for-fun test in psychology class and was something like INTJ), I am usually the first to introduce myself to someone or make the first statement. The problem is keeping up the conversation though, as many extroverts want to talk, talk, talk, while I tend to lay back and be content just being around someone.

    At least you had a boyfriend.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonia Leticia View Post
    Cloudcan - There's no doubt I enjoy my alone time, but does anyone really enjoy perpetual loneliness?
    I don't find alone to be lonely. I expect many other introverts are like me. I find alone to be refreshing!

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  12. #40
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    "I don't find alone to be lonely. I expect many other introverts are like me. I find alone to be refreshing!"

    yep. work done, girlfriend chillaxed with, friends smoked with, finally a can of relentless some cigarettes and the long quiet night time hours alone... thats when the proper work gets done.

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    Reading all this I realize there's different types of introverts, since it's not always about being shy.

    I know exactly why I'm introverted. Grew up with a mother who would small talk with any stranger over anything.... .... for hours. Timed it a few times, the record was 3 hours. When as a little kid with a short attention span these long waits made me hate two things. Small talk and shopping.

    But in general that just made it so I don't enjoy parties with a bunch of strangers as talking about the weather then sitting in silence with nothing to talk about doesn't do it for me. I need common interests, once I find that I won't shut up. But talking about what your line of work is or that random story about your cousin in Dubai I couldn't give less than two shits about. If I can't relate I don't pursue.


    Hence why I always go to parties set up by friends, where you have people you know you can talk to and enjoy then meet new people who by association probably have similar interests. Hell maybe the party is focused ON the similar interests.



    As to the enjoying alone thing, yes that might distinguish the big difference. There are some people who hate to be alone, always need someone around. Then there's those that don't like being around random people. I think there's a different ratio for everyone as to how much alone time vs social interaction someone may enjoy. I'll go insane if I don't talk to anyone for like 3 weeks, I'll also start to go insane if I'm stuck around friends with no time to myself for like 4-5 days.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob Kobryn View Post
    What's wrong with being an introvert? It's only a disposition and orientation and it has nothing to do with loneliness. Love yourself, there's nothing wrong with you. Once you achieve that your loneliness will begin to subside. Loneliness is a symptom of the mind. It can not be relieved from any external source. Although other people may help to distract you from it for a time, once that abates you will still be lonely. You will not be truly free from loneliness, and outside of the repetitious cycles of lonely/unlonely/lonely, until you vanquish it at it's core, which is within your own mind.
    Uh, I have to disagree, loneliness is NOT a mental thing, there may be things you need to get over before you are ready to interact with other humans on a deeper level than: "Duuuude, check that girl's ass!!" or the equivalent in your social circle, things like being unable to talk to people honestly.
    You will not be lonely if you are in contact with people who are important to you on a regular basis. Of course, you might get a pang of loneliness if you're home alone, but that's the "aw, there's no one home right now, oh well, I'll skype Greg.", short-term loneliness, not the "No body loves me", watching Top gear/sex and the city and crying into a tub of Hagen Daz loneliness.

    The cure to Loneliness is knowing there is someone with you (who wants/needs you to be a part of their life as much as you want/need them) who genuinely cares about you.

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  15. #43
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    Then we are in disagreement because I fully stand by my original post.

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    People need other people. It's unhealthy to believe you can live entirely without anybody else. Some people might be able to take it longer but eventually you'll start getting funny in the head.

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    If we agree that psychology is a science (I do), it's a scientifically proven fact normal hoomans need st least some social interaction with others, to remain normal.

    For example, that's why solitary confinement is considered cruel and unusual punishment.

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    A lot of people I've been in contact with have accepted introversion as an acceptable reason to behave rather strangely.. You'd almost believe they expected introverts to be wierdoes.

    Personally I find it incredibly relaxing to be alone, and I will feel stressed out if I even chat with more than two people at the same time.
    I also find small talk to be more "heavy" than the straight to the point remarks.
    Like when someone say "Yum, look at that smoking hot hunk of man meat" (to take something similar to Rynsworlds example. I've had people say this too, so not completely out there). What are you supposed to say to something like that?
    But then again I do see the necessity of small talk. Some times straight to the point alone makes little sense, and some times it only leads to awkward silences.
    And obviously it is important to behave in a socially acceptable manner (Believe you me, I've met some of those introverts that ignore those unwritten rules)

    Of course its damaging over a longer time, but its not like we all feel some kind of torment in the process is it? Of course some introverts do too.

    Then again, I'm probably not the one to speak about loneliness. I've never felt it out of solitude, but more in crowded areas. I suspect that's a different kind of loneliness.

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  20. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by tobbA View Post
    People need other people. It's unhealthy to believe you can live entirely without anybody else. Some people might be able to take it longer but eventually you'll start getting funny in the head.
    It can be done. Not by the average person, likely, but by an advanced individual that is incredibly centered and free of attachments. Such freedom would only come about after a lifetime of practice, however.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob Kobryn View Post
    It can be done. Not by the average person, likely, but by an advanced individual that is incredibly centered and free of attachments. Such freedom would only come about after a lifetime of practice, however.
    Why is someone who is disconnected "advanced"? We evolved as social creatures because it gives us an advantage. If someone wants to toss that away, fine, but extolling its virtues seems like gouging your eyes out and trying to convince everybody else how awesome it is to not be bothered by all that colour. There's nothing advanced about it.

    It's not like we didn't have enough chances to evolve into solitary, territorial creatures. If that was so freakin' awesome we'd be there.

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    Even monks in solidarity live together. Everyone needs interaction. HOWEVER Not everyone needs "Omg you reach into the depths of my soul and understand my very being" interactions.

    *Bad analogy ahead* but it's like telling someone who's been divorced 5 times he NEEDS to get married when he could be sick of the entire thing and enjoy being single for the rest of his life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tobbA View Post
    People need other people. It's unhealthy to believe you can live entirely without anybody else. Some people might be able to take it longer but eventually you'll start getting funny in the head.
    I am already funny in the head, therefore nobody hangs out with me, therefore I am an introvert.

    But seriously, anyone a fan of some lit'rachur? Check out this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson's "The Transcendentalist," which pretty well sums up introversion -- well, for me, anyway. I hope you like semicolons!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ralph Waldo Emerson
    They are lonely; the spirit of their writing and conversation is lonely; they repel influences; they shun general society; they incline to shut themselves in their chamber in the house, to live in the country rather than in the town, and to find their tasks and amusements in solitude. Society, to be sure, does not like this very well; it saith, Whoso goes to walk alone, accuses the whole world; he declareth all to be unfit to be his companions; it is very uncivil, nay, insulting; Society will retaliate. Meantime, this retirement does not proceed from any whim on the part of these seperators; but if any one will take pains to talk with them, he will find that this part is chosen both from temperament and from principle; with some unwillingness, too, and as a choice of the less of two evils; for these persons are not by nature melancholy, sour, and unsocial, - they are not stockish or brute - but joyous, susceptible, affectionate; they have even more than others a great wish to be loved.


    Last edited by littlebones; January 24th, 2012 at 05:20 PM.

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    (Sorry couldn't help it, I don't think anyones posted this guy here yet)

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    Quote Originally Posted by vineris View Post
    Why is someone who is disconnected "advanced"? We evolved as social creatures because it gives us an advantage. If someone wants to toss that away, fine, but extolling its virtues seems like gouging your eyes out and trying to convince everybody else how awesome it is to not be bothered by all that colour. There's nothing advanced about it.

    It's not like we didn't have enough chances to evolve into solitary, territorial creatures. If that was so freakin' awesome we'd be there.
    Because if someone is able to be totally (and I mean 100%) happy and content in an environment of extended solitude, then they would had to have trained their mind for an extremely long amount of time to get to that point and I think that that feat alone would qualify for the title of an "advanced person." Also if they can be happy in periods of extreme solitude, probably without anything but things that are absolutely necessary for survival, then they can manage to be content and blissful in all circumstances. What that implies for their mental health is just astounding.

    Quote Originally Posted by JFierce View Post
    Even monks in solidarity live together. Everyone needs interaction.
    As for monks, it's really quite different. Monks live together in ashrams, temples, monasteries, etc but they don't really interact with each other. I know in the Zen tradition at least, they have one day a week (and I'm not even sure if it is a full day) where they can speak to their Roshi (master/teacher) or to other monks and the rest of the time is spent entirely in silence (other than chanting or singing practices.) I'm actually not even certain if they can speak with other monks. It's possible that they can only speak with their Roshi.

    That's just the Zen tradition, though, which is one of the most austere besides pure asceticism. I know there are some monasteries and nunaries that have debates, discussions, and other social functions.

    And I'm not saying at all that I want no social interaction in my life, either, because I absolutely do and I cherish the friends I have. However, I do believe that the context of our reality is internally regulated, and that applies to loneliness as well as any other emotion.

    Last edited by OldJake666; January 24th, 2012 at 03:45 PM.
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    I used to be introverted until I took an arrow to the knee

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    Unhappy

    People with Schizoid Personality Disorder don't enjoy the company of others and prefer to be alone.......something to think about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diarum View Post
    I used to be introverted until I took an arrow to the knee
    Screaming doesn't count as extroversion!!!

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    http://www.thaiworldview.com/bouddha/jpg/img089.jpg


    This might vary with monks, but it seems they eat meals together and while it may not be constant chatter it's just basic interaction which is necessary. They're still gathered and do interact even if it's not the focus. (Pretty sure all these pictures are from the stereotypical isolated deep in the mountains type monk)

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    That's my only real point, people need basic interaction with other human beings.

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    One thing I know about all monasteries are that meals are taken entirely in silence. It's a type of meditation and mindfulness practice.

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    Responding to OP, just fake it. Force yourself to ask people about themselves, their hobbies...that usually works. Then hope they mentioned something you can develop on. After a while you'll warm up and talking won't be so bad.
    I'm not much of a people person but this seems to work for me. Not perfectly, of course, I'd never be the life of a party or anything but it's greatly reduced the number of awkward silences in my life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob Kobryn View Post
    Also if they can be happy in periods of extreme solitude, probably without anything but things that are absolutely necessary for survival, then they can manage to be content and blissful in all circumstances. What that implies for their mental health is just astounding.
    It can just as easily be read in the complete opposite direction -- someone who can be happy in any circumstance might have lost the insticts of survival. Unhappiness usually tells us that something is wrong so that we can correct it before it gets any worse. If you were able to choose to not feel pain would that make you invincible or would it make you a leper? A hermit living in the wilderness, totally self-sufficient and needing no one -- someone to be admired or a genetic dead end, eventually stamped out by nature, making it less likely that another human like him will ever be born?

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    I'm an introvert and I enjoy it that way. But I do have a few close friends to socialize with and on top of being an introvert, I'm fairly shy. I have a job that requires me to speak with my customers and fellow co-workers, so that helped me alot. I also take classes at a college so joining a class that other people are interested in helps too. Once you find things you have in common with other people, the conversation will usually get easier.

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