Hey feel like offering a bro youre opinion? I come here because 1) My ultimate goal is to be an artist in life and 2) Last time I came here to rant about something people made me realize something about myself I didnt know before
Thus, I will proceed to rant about life and depression (Dont think I'm crazy after reading it, though I probably am)
So, I've come to the realization I really need to move out (infact I've known that for quite quite some times)
But the situation I live with at my house with my mother (and her slave BF) is a pretty atrocious one. My mother says the most disgusting things I could ever imagine that not even my worse enemy would say. (Things like calling me a cock sucker, telling me I should be dead, ect) And for about a good 8 years I've had depression, in fact I still do. And I know the root of the problem.
Now the problem is I cant bring myself to move out because I'm so unmotivated to do anything (I know, the logic is crazy that I get abused all the time and I still dont have the will to move out). And when I function I get "out of it" (meaning I cant function because I dont pay attention to waht I'm doing, I cant remember a single thing I did, I cant focus on what I'm looking at, I cant follow instructions, ect) which is an automatic reaction from my brain to subdue any negative feelings I have (because growing up I learned if you dont feel your negetive emotions, you dont get upset), so that creates the problem where I cant pay attention.
And If I cant pay attention, I cant work. So, I had an new job, and I quit it in fear of being fired. Because EVERYTHING I had learned when in one ear and out the other when it came time to do the job, and I knew when I went back after that day they expected me to be able to do the job which I know I woldent be able to do and make a fool out of myself.
And its not just working but many things in general. And yes, I think about suicide almost daily and have been for the past 7 years though I'm not gonna do it.
Now I know you guys will suggest theorpy for crazy people just like me but I'm poor so that isnt an option. And I dont know how good that will help living in this hell hole.
So, now that we know the problem, here comes the solution. I was of simply just being homeless, going to a homeless shelter and then going wherever that takes me. I figured thats much better than living in this house, because atleast if I'm starving on the streets with my ribs poking out I'd be motivated and i wouldent have anything bringing me down.
Or, going on SSI (Which I REALLY dont to do) and getting an income that way.
So what do you think I should do? I'm really tired of wasting time and growing up all I wanted to be is an artist but I've absolutely done nothing with my life all through my teen years to my current age (21) besides hate myself and my life.
And yes, I know I'm crazy. Dont abuse your children or else they turn out like me. ; (
And btw I KNOW I can do WHATEVER I put my mind to and get it done, since I've tested that many many times and It seems to be true.