xBORNx more tounge

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  1. #1
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    xBORNx more tounge

    Last edited by Born; October 26th, 2011 at 09:05 PM.
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  3. #2
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    Major tangent between her upraised hand and her hair, meanwhile her other...good heavens, what's she done to her hand! It's all spikey and stuff, that can't be good! Get that woman to a doctor!

    Ahem. Meanwhile, she's sitting on something that I infer is a tongue from the title, but doesn't really look much like any tongue I've seen. Perhaps I should get out more. Continuing the outline from her left leg onto her right hip seems to be a bad idea, given that it makes her hip and groin area really confusing, making it look like she's got just one big thigh at a glance. Looking closer, I'm not really certain what you're going for with the hip/thigh connection but it looks pinched. Reference would help here, and be really easy to find as well.

    Not sure at all where you want her far shoulder to be. From her face, it looks like it should be slightly hunched, although from the curve it doesn't seem to be connected to the elbow, so maybe that's not a shoulder at all. From her elbow it looks like it's dropped quite a bit, and from the wings (which I assume are connected to the shoulders or at least close) it should be raised a lot. So we've got three different positions, and none of them are really clear.

    The hair is really flat, but that may simply be because you haven't got to it yet. In any case, it reads WAY more stylized than her body, so it sticks out a bit. Also, I'm not sure what motion you're implying with it. She appears to be just giving a slight nod to the viewer in a provocative way, but her hair's flying about as if she just spun around with great force. It's all a bit confusing.

    Can't say I'm a fan of the thick black outline with no internal lines (save by the eyes). It's flattening out your picture, and making it hard to separate body parts at a glance. Especially bad spots are the aforementioned leg/hip, where the arms cross and between the wings.

    As to suggestions, more reference first and foremost. There are loads of photos out there suitable for pinup, so there's no reason not to take advantage of that. Second, fix those hands. Either move the hand so there's explicit overlap (you want a T connection between lines where possible) or pull it away from the hair more to break the silhouette. You should also clear up the business with the shoulder, and the hip as well. Either add internal lines, possibly of a lighter line weight, or eliminate the bold outline altogether. It's not helping you. I'd also rethink the hair and wings.

    Given this is pinup, you might get something from the tutorials on Babe Lab. Assuming you haven't looked there already, that is.

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  4. #3
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    liking where this is going


    By xbornx at 2011-10-26

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  5. #4
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    She looks like she has one breast in the center of her chest. The tongue and wings need work. As Nezumi said, this piece would benefit from more reference in general.

    "Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it" -- Confucius

    "Imagination is more important than knowledge" -- Albert Einstein


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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Born View Post
    liking where this is going
    So basically you didn't fix anything? Kinda bad form, considering everything Nezumi pointed out is very legit and if you're not bothering to work on this piece at all, what's the point of posting it here? rather, if you know you can't be arsed to re-do a lot, the post the image in the sketch stage rather than half-finished.
    I completely agree with Nezumi and Pixelestial, those wings don't look like wings, they're more like balls of melted ice cream and they can't even manage to be consistent and vary way too much in size and shape. Even if you want really stylized wings, they should be attached to the same point in the back, and now one is attached to her back and another to her neck.
    And yeah, that's not a tongue, rather some weird mix between a rotting flower bud and less wholesome genital. Especially the dripping pus looking yellow colour isn't helping anything either. Actually Google Image Search for tongues and actually figure out where the tongue is connected, having it seemingly floating around and not connected to a mouth takes it even further away from being recognizable as a tongue.

    Figure out your lighting, right now the girl and the "tongue" are lit from different directions.

    Last edited by TinyBird; October 27th, 2011 at 03:08 AM.
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  7. #6
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    Smile

    having fun with this


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  8. #7
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    Perhaps you didn't listen to the posters before me. Allow me to make this more clear.

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  9. #8
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    It's good that you are having fun, but maybe this belongs in your sketchbook instead of the critique section, as you are clearly not interested in acknowledging or applying any critique. While you are adding new colors and 'shading', you still haven't fixed her anatomy, which is way off (yes, even with cartoony style - it still needs to be based on the knowledge of proper structure or it just looks wrong), the tangents, or made clear what it is she's sitting on. Also, what is that small object by her face?? is that your signature? I don't think it belongs there, I'd find a new place for it.

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  10. #9
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    I'm beginning to think that Born here doesn't really comprehend how this whole "critique" thing works. From the non-responsiveness (other than to remove the heavy outline and sickly yellow tinge) here and one-line compliments elsewhere that don't touch on how to improve, it seems very much a "deviantARt" approach to posting art.

    Fact is, this isn't deviantART. dA is a place to post stuff and socialize, and it's not bad at that. CA is a place to seriously take a look at your work and find ways to get better at it. You post stuff for comment, and people with different viewpoints will tell you what you need to work on and why, and often give suggestions on how to fix your problems. Ignoring comments like that is fine on dA, but is considered rude here. One-line compliments are standard there, but are useless here, and don't help anyone get better.

    Stop treating this place like dA, and you'll get a lot further.

    As to the tangent, I suspect you don't really recognize what they are or why they matter. This page has an excellent rundown of various sorts of tangents and how to avoid them. I'd recommend giving it a read, then take a look at that hand which several people have already pointed out. Hopefully you'll see what we're talking about.

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  11. #10
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    Snow in october ..crazy



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  12. #11
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    Hey guys, "find all posts by user" is a good feature.

    Born only posts asspats to other members and doesn't engage in any (ANY) meaningful discussion with other people. He/she does not acknowledge other posts whatsoever here, so it's best just to ignore them. As much as I'd like to show Born that they have no idea how perspective works, what anatomy is or what tangents are, they won't listen.

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  14. #12
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    Not as crazy as ignoring everything said here...

    "I eat comics and poop stylization"
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  15. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by TinyBird View Post
    Not as crazy as ignoring everything said here...
    Seriously, if you're just going to ignore critiques, why bother posting? You're just wasting the time of people trying to help, and depriving people who are actually going to listen that same time.

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