Giving this comic thing a go...

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  1. #1
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    Giving this comic thing a go...

    I really like comics and have been a bit obsessed with them of late, so I thought I'd try my hand at doing something in that direction. Currently still developing the characters and plot, but I just felt like having a go at making a sample page for fun.

    It's going to be a superhero type of comic, which is quite novel to me - here in good ol' Europe I grew up with Asterix and Spirou, so Marvel and DC are unfamiliar terrain. Basically, our heroine's best friend has been kidnapped and right here she finds him in an old warehouse, because that's the sort of place where kidnapped people are kept captive, right? Ahem.

    Not very far yet, obviously... I didn't use anatomy reference yet (or clothes reference or...) because I wanted to check in first if there's something I could do better with the page layout before getting into too much detail. (And of course the perspective sucks. Working on it.) What I've been thinking is that maybe the big panel on the bottom might be better if one saw the guy from above? But then we wouldn't really be following his gaze anymore, which is up towards the heroine.

    Also, a tiny tiny sketch of the light/dark proportions I had in mind, just scribbling around. I'd like to have the background behind the panels fade from dark (top) to light (bottom) so it's like the darkness below the roof extends all the way up the page.

    I know this is all really bad still, so just shoot with anything I can do better!

    Thanks in advance

    edit: I apologize if this is too rough to be in here... Then I'll move it elsewhere of course, I just don't think enough people look in my SB to give me critique on this...

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  3. #2
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    Its not bad. For as rough as it is the basic composition seems fine. My only thought is your choice for the two long panels seems a little off. It just doesn't flow. I really like the last two panels, And I'd like to see you do some more work on that. If anything, the extreme close up on the eyes feels...over used. It is a common method, and there are probably better ways to accomplish this.

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  5. #3
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    Personally I don't mind the eye close-up, but the last panel I do. I mean if all the important stuff is high and low, why do you have ridiculous amounts of empty space on the left side? I know you're trying to lead the eye with that one "manga panel" but the guy's head is so tiny and cut off you can barely even notice it, after which the reader's eye is likely to go to the empty part of the page. There's even a chain that's pointing down to more empty space.
    Personally I'd go more for something like this with the paneling:
    Name:  redlinecomic.jpg
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    But possibly even farther away, and you could use the second to last panel to establish how the character is bound, so you don't need to only show it in the last panel and save that for the characters to see each other.

    Last edited by TinyBird; October 15th, 2011 at 06:37 PM. Reason: grammar...
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  7. #4
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    Thanks for the crit!

    As I stated above, I'm mostly used to Franco-Belgian stuff like Asterix, I wasn't aware the eye close-up was that over-used - I thought about doing a close-up of the mouth instead maybe? Like, it opens in shock, seen from the side? Tried that out in GIMP (can you tell I've never really used my tablet up to now?). Something like that? Maybe more close-up of the mouth?

    I'll have to rethink the two upper panels, then. I've been reading Young Avengers this past week and Jim Cheung used quite a few of those long-ish panels, so maybe that influenced me a bit

    edit: TinyBird, thanks! I'm still really awkward with all that perspective and background stuff so I wanted to fill the space with more generic warehouse stuff later. But you're right, vertical panels would be more effective to get the up/down across. With showing how he's bound, do you mean like in the paintover you did of the second-to-last panel? Just generally that he's with his arms behind his back?

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    Rotor - GoGoJoJo

    "Limited drawing skills are OK if they are offset by a fearless commitment to putting images on paper."

    "I mean, What is a chair? It's an anti-gravity device." Glen Keane

    "The difficult part is continuously realizing when you've stopped enjoying the process, and re-aligning yourself. It's kind of like meditation/being an art ninja..." ceddo
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  8. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kjesta View Post
    With showing how he's bound, do you mean like in the paintover you did of the second-to-last panel? Just generally that he's with his arms behind his back?
    Pretty much so, but maybe scoot him even more to left so that we see more of his hands and maybe have the chain peek up a bit? Not completely necessary, but worth trying if it doesn't screw the panels and lead the eye away.

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  9. #6
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    Okay, I did a little more sketching to work out the page layout. I took into consideration all the suggestions, both for the top and bottom part of the page. Not sure I like yet how the "Oh no!" reaction shot is integrated... The triangle design looks stiff but the rectangular cuts into the vertical panel beneath it.

    Thoughts?

    (And the hall is going to be more stuffed with generic warehouse stuff later. Had to squeeze this into my lunchbreak, sorry it looks sloppy.)

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    Check these out too:
    Rotor - GoGoJoJo

    "Limited drawing skills are OK if they are offset by a fearless commitment to putting images on paper."

    "I mean, What is a chair? It's an anti-gravity device." Glen Keane

    "The difficult part is continuously realizing when you've stopped enjoying the process, and re-aligning yourself. It's kind of like meditation/being an art ninja..." ceddo
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  10. #7
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    Oh! I just noticed in the 2nd panel with the square-framed glasses.. watch out with your placement of those glasses. Right now the corners are touching the panel border in your rough creating a tangent. You never want an element to just touch a panel border like that, especially if it's a hard edge/square type shape because then it starts looking like panels within panels. This is also true for figures - you never want to make it look like they are 'holding up' a panel border. Either give them room or break the border IF the situation calls for it.

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  11. #8
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    Again, why are you putting ridiculous amounts of useless empty space in there? Now it just jumped from the last panel to the first! (Not to mention the steel bar is leading the eye completely away from the figure on the ground.)
    Also now the height of the bars where the girl is hiding is very inconsistent between the first and last panel in the lowest version.

    Last edited by TinyBird; October 19th, 2011 at 02:50 AM.
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  12. #9
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    Pezzle, thank you! I usually notice this when I do it with fingers or something, but in this case I completely forgot. I'll keep it in mind in future!

    TinyBird, you're right... I still have a lot to learn to use a page right! Here's a different version for that bit, is it better? She has those two lengths of fabric attached to her costume that are semi-alive and I thought maybe I could make the one end curl upwards a bit to lead the eye to the figure down in the hall?

    Thanks for all your advice, folks, I really appreciate learning from you



    Check these out too:
    Rotor - GoGoJoJo

    "Limited drawing skills are OK if they are offset by a fearless commitment to putting images on paper."

    "I mean, What is a chair? It's an anti-gravity device." Glen Keane

    "The difficult part is continuously realizing when you've stopped enjoying the process, and re-aligning yourself. It's kind of like meditation/being an art ninja..." ceddo
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  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kjesta View Post
    Here's a different version for that bit, is it better?
    Unfortunately I can't see any attached image.

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  14. #11
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    My bad, is it there now?

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    Check these out too:
    Rotor - GoGoJoJo

    "Limited drawing skills are OK if they are offset by a fearless commitment to putting images on paper."

    "I mean, What is a chair? It's an anti-gravity device." Glen Keane

    "The difficult part is continuously realizing when you've stopped enjoying the process, and re-aligning yourself. It's kind of like meditation/being an art ninja..." ceddo
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote  

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