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Thread: Batman and Robin comic
September 14th, 2011 #1
Hide this ad by registering as a memberSeptember 14th, 2011 #2
The Following User Says Thank You to Jason Rainville For This Useful Post:
September 15th, 2011 #3
I think you can push the drama a lot more. Right now the 'camera' angles are all pretty boring and head on. Compare the two pages below. They tell the same story but the second page is way more dramatic.
If you haven't already read it, you should definitely get this.
And then God said, "Let us make man in our likeness and our image. Let us make him ridiculously hard to draw so that poor artists everywhere will have to spend 10,000+ hours failing repeatedly before they can begin to capture the form and likeness onto a two-dimensional surface." And there was man. And it was good. And artists everywhere lost their minds.
The Following User Says Thank You to manlybrian For This Useful Post:
September 15th, 2011 #4
Quit cutting off feet. Why is there a white halo around all the black shapes? Are all their clothes made out of metal or something? Don't be afraid of merging shadows together. If you can't tell the characters from one another and the background without a halo you designed things wrong.
Your poses could be more dynamic. Especially that last panel -- what is the point of Batman posing statically with speed lines in the background? "I'm going to expose my chest to attack *really really fast*"? The composition of that panel is really not very good at all. Batman and Robin are bunched together so there's no clear silhouette of the action, you cut off a main character's head for no reason, the panel is horizontal while the characters are vertical, it's static and there's inexplicable speed lines. Scrap it, try something else.
I'd either lose the last panel completely and expand the ninja pose panel so you can fit the guy's feet in or put a good action shot in the last panel to make the reader want to turn the page.
The Following User Says Thank You to vineris For This Useful Post:
September 15th, 2011 #5
All the crits are spot on, but here's a couple more.
Consider you environment. I have no idea if this thing is happening inside a large industrial complex or some back alley. This may have been established in previous pages, but it's handles very awkwardly in this one.
First we see the alley, and shadows creeping from the top part/ceiling, which would imply there's no ceiling with lights there. But on the next one we that there is a ceiling, but if there is a ceiling, there's no way could be doing poses like that if they were only holding on to the ceiling.
Also despite the second panel having a low perspective (and bats and robin seem to be in wrong perspective) we see the ninja's straight from the front, meaning that they're gonna do a faceplant to the floor (if they were falling feet first, we'd see them from below), but on the next panel their poses don't look anything like they had just twisted on the air (the woman wasn't even facing us while on air) and landed, they look like they've been just standing there, and the fat ninja is actually blocking his own sword, positioning it so that he can't swing it without hitting the center ninja.
The Following User Says Thank You to TinyBird For This Useful Post:
September 15th, 2011 #6
September 15th, 2011 #7
Aside from Manlybrain's suggestion about camera angles, you can add an awful lot of drama with more dramatic posing. Right now, everyone on the page are pretty stiff, the lines of actions are almost straight up and down.
If you haven't so far, start practicing gesture. And I mean a LOT. Every day, and push those lines of action like crazy. You'll get much better action out of it, rather than things like B&R briskly trotting down the alley in the first panel. A dead run would say a lot more.
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September 19th, 2011 #8