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  1. #1
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    Unhappy I'm not doing too well.

    I don't know what I need right now. This is very slowly turning into a bad part of my life and I just don't know what to think.

    There was no large crippling event that led me to this point; my house didn't burn down, I'm not suddenly homeless, and no one close to me has died recently. A lot of small seemingly insignificant things are sinking me into the pits of apathy and I could really use some advice, lecture, ass-pats, anything you can offer because I'm just left unknowing what to do in the face of impending complacency.

    I am unable to find a job. I had quit my job at McDonald's in November because I could feel the "not giving a shit" attitude seeping into my personality, and that's not the kind of person I want to be. I am trying so hard to find employment but every attempt has been fruitless. I have yet to receive any sort of reply from anywhere, phone call or email.
    I shouldn't feel like such a draining dead-weight on my father at the age of 19, heck, my brother stayed at home rent free until he was 22, yet, I do feel like a mooch.

    Lately, the thing that's been keeping me going is art. As long as I work hard at this I will get better and my art career will work out alright, or so I thought. After a year of hard work, learning art history, taking a figure drawing class, improving my ass off in all ways, spending money I didn't even have to help me get ahead, I was not accepted into the program I dream about for the second time.
    This has crushed my spirit.

    Now I'm left questioning my own talents, motivations, and the value of hard work.

    So please, I ask for any sort of help. Yell at me for being so whiny if you think that will help.

    I'm just... lost.


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  3. #2
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    Success is nothing more than going from failure to failure with undiminished enthusiasm.

    - Winston Churchill

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  5. #3
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    Get yourself a personal blog if you don't already. Put this and other moments of insecurity there. Everybody has them, but it's usually less than beneficial to put them out in public amongst strangers.

    Go to bed. Wake up tomorrow and realize the world didn't end last night when you were feeling like shit and venting to your blog.

    Go draw. Go look for jobs again. Repeat as necessary. Realize you're only 19 and there's a whole lot of time for you to improve and change your situation. You don't get everything you want in life, but you can continue to improve. If you emo yourself into stopping, you will certainly fail.

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  7. #4
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    Many people will feel sympathy, but not many will show it. Keep on trucking. We're the next generation of artists. If you keep looking, things will happen.

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  9. #5
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    As a general rule, I never quit a job before I've found another one. Unless some form of serious harassment is going on. I hope this doesn't come off as harsh, because I really do have a lot of sympathy for you.

    There's no reason in the world you should give a shit about a job at McDonalds. That kind of job is a means to an end- period. People do it for the paycheck, and that's it, and the next job you find will most likely be the same thing in a new uniform. The important thing to remember is that it's temporary. Some of the greatest artists and writers in the world worked horrible jobs by day and worked for themselves by night.

    For the program, is it something at a specific school? If you've been rejected twice my recommendation would be to contact them and ask why. That kind of feedback can be gold. That way you'd have the direction of, "Okay, I need to work on A and B". It could give you a focus, and that always feels better than floundering in the dark.

    Just remember, Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, Tomas Edison's teacher thought he was stupid, and you got rejected to an art program. It'll be okay!

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  11. #6
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    You might have to ask yourself some big questions. What's the point of life? Are you serving a God or are you in it for yourself? Is the point to make the world a better place for others? Are we here just to keep things moving forward?

    What are your goals in life? What are you trying to get to and why? Apathy comes from a lack of passion and/or direction. So get some direction and passionately pursue it!

    Maybe you need to get a change of scenery. Maybe you need to do something drastic like move somewhere and experience a different life to shake you up a bit. Maybe you're bored right now.

    Read this is you haven't yet. If you really want to get into this school you can, "if you are willing to take the pain of doing all the things you dont want to do..the long hard way. The fruitful way." -Manley
    It'll never happen if you give up.
    My Sketchbook

    And then God said, "Let us make man in our likeness and our image. Let us make him ridiculously hard to draw so that poor artists everywhere will have to spend 10,000+ hours failing repeatedly before they can begin to capture the form and likeness onto a two-dimensional surface." And there was man. And it was good. And artists everywhere lost their minds.

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  13. #7
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    Thanks for the replies, guys. It means a lot to me to get any kind of opinion.

    There was more reasons to quit McDonald's then what I said. $8.25 an hour was not enough for 7pm-3am shifts every week.

    As for the program it's not a straight rejection sort of thing. The program only has room for 24 students each year so it's a portfolio ranked system. And oh how I hounded them for advice. I went to the student portfolio reviews, the drop in life drawing sessions, and the figure drawing course I took was taught by one of the portfolio review members.
    This is why it pains me so much. I feel like I did everything I should/could have and still didn't reach the mark.

    And oh man, manlybrian, if I start thinking about more of those kind of questions I'm never going to get any focus. I'm still stumbling over the differences between justice and revenge.
    Also, you read me like a book, I do crave a change of scenery more then anything.

    I feel a bit better now, what you said at the end of your reply M_Oreilly cheered me up a smidge.

  14. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by OfficialLamp View Post
    After a year of hard work, learning art history, taking a figure drawing class, improving my ass off in all ways, spending money I didn't even have to help me get ahead, I was not accepted into the program I dream about for the second time.
    This has crushed my spirit.
    Time to look for another school or course?
    It's sad but true that sometimes "your best is not good enough" and you get trumped by those who did even more hard work than you did, but there's plenty of schools in the world, and it might be more beneficial to go to another art school/course to hone your skills rather than trying to improve at home and keep getting rejected from one specific course, especially if other courses still include same things (like figure drawing).
    "I eat comics and poop stylization"
    Comic!
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  16. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by TinyBird View Post
    Time to look for another school or course?
    It's sad but true that sometimes "your best is not good enough" and you get trumped by those who did even more hard work than you did, but there's plenty of schools in the world, and it might be more beneficial to go to another art school/course to hone your skills rather than trying to improve at home and keep getting rejected from one specific course, especially if other courses still include same things (like figure drawing).
    It seems to be my best choice though. I have no financial help for post secondary making cost a primary factor. This program is at a publicly funded school so the cost is dirt cheap when compared to similar programs.

    I have one more local choice, but the focus is less on the commercial aspects and more on the artsy-fartsy stuff. I'm not saying that artsy-fartsy is a bad thing, it's just not what's going to land me a job. I'm going to look further into it and reconsider, but I'm not sure if it's right for me.

  17. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by M_Oreilly View Post
    As a general rule, I never quit a job before I've found another one.
    I was lucky enough to quit a crap job as a kitchen hand and fall into this great assistant graphic designer job I'd applied to over A YEAR earlier. Very random.

    While that was a big stroke of luck that can't be replicated, there are definitely two things here that apply to all of you that feel that you're in a rut at the moment:

    1. It'll pass over, eventually you'll get out of it (the unfortunate word however is the word "eventually), and you'll be in a much better position, be it financially, emotionally or both.

    2. You'll look back on this downtime and start thinking about all the little things you've learned about first hand survivability, which make you more independent, and you'll conclude that while it was a rough ride, it was one you needed in order to learn how to handle yourself.

    All the best.



    Edit: And Re: your last post, if you feel it's not right for you, it probably isn't... Look a little further into it and if you're still unsure.... personally I wouldn't go for it.
    Last edited by BlightedArt; May 9th, 2011 at 08:54 AM.

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  19. #11
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    Sometimes rejection can be the greatest gift, because it can inspire you to prove them wrong.

    Get angry and go draw till you're better than the people who rejected you.

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  21. #12
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    Well, what do you feel worse about?
    Being a mooch on your parents or working at McDonald's?

    Because if the answer is "being a mooch", then it means you should just get ANY shit job to relieve that and go from there. But seeing as that probably isn't the case, you should forget about "being a mooch" and realize that they are your PARENTS and probably want to support you in your endeavors.

    Being age 19 is all about moving toward what you want to do with your life. For some people, that's college. For some, it's self-training for their dreams.

    There are few greater gifts in life than free rent, my friend!
    Take advantage of it, stop feeling guilty about yourself, and make your parents proud. Use this time wisely.

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  23. #13
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    I sound so old saying this but you're 19 and it's completely normal to have some bumps in the road. Life doesn't always work as planned. Be thankful for your parents and the fact that they let you stay with them so you can figure things out. Some aren't so lucky.

    Your portfolio shows lots of potential. Just keep working on your skills and setting the bar higher and your portfolio will improve with time.

    Don't drive yourself too crazy about the inevitable crap life throws you. Use whatever resources you have to get your life going in the direction that you want it to.

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  25. #14
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    get yourself an art crew and learn to direct your heart into your work.

    I probably cant understand how you feel. but many of us have pretty cruddy situations. what has helped me is putting my blinders on and telling myself that im going to be the best every day.

    When im driving to school i literally talk to myself outloud and say that im going to be better than anyone who ever was.

    and when i go to sleep at night i tell myself, "you can do it, nothing can stop you".

    People will treat you how you treat yourself and you need to determine your worth and the rest of the world will meet you.

    So mostly i just want to impress the importance of self esteem and making sure that your sense of esteem, worth, importance, and contribution arnt based on such wavering things.

    Keep your head up nigguh and you'll do alrite.

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  27. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by OfficialLamp View Post
    I am unable to find a job. I had quit my job at McDonald's in November because I could feel the "not giving a shit" attitude seeping into my personality, and that's not the kind of person I want to be. I am trying so hard to find employment but every attempt has been fruitless. I have yet to receive any sort of reply from anywhere, phone call or email.
    I shouldn't feel like such a draining dead-weight on my father at the age of 19, heck, my brother stayed at home rent free until he was 22, yet, I do feel like a mooch.
    Start some projects while you're looking for work. Ones that are interesting to you and have the potential to maybe go somewhere. Don't put your hopes on just one thing (like getting into one program), educate yourself widely and think laterally. Get yourself some practical skills. And remember that it's who you know, so get your ass out the door and start talking to people. Talk to everyone you can talk to, you never know when some guy will turn out to know some guy who needs you to do something.
    *** Sketchbook * Landscapes * Portfolio * Store***

    "There are two kinds of students: the self-taught and the hopeless."
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  29. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noah Bradley View Post
    Sometimes rejection can be the greatest gift, because it can inspire you to prove them wrong.

    Get angry and go draw till you're better than the people who rejected you.
    If there's one thing I've learned from the handful of rejection letters I've received my entire career, it's that eventually, when you realize you have nothing more to lose, you'll just go for next attempt at making it without hesitations. And one of those attempts will work, trust me. I still have one of the first rejection letters I've received for my college applications, and whenever I feel like I've accomplished something great, it reassures me that I've been led to the right choice. Sometimes the worst things are blessings in disguise. Keep pushing, you'll surprise yourself one day.

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  31. #17
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    Try learning stuff all the time, not everything cost a lot of money, Blender is free for example if you want to learn 3d, you can print Loomis or Bridgman books and work on your skills to make a portfolio and opt for free programs, or do commisions locally. Go to a tatto parlor and ask to be an apprentice? .

    Just trowing stuff around but whoever seeks finds, keep on keeping on.

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