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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Thanked 1,045 Times in 379 Posts

    Someone just kick me in the ass.

    This is nowhere near done. I colored it a little to see how it would look, and I'm not happy with it. I'm thinking about just starting it over again, but this is the third time already.
    This is also the first time I've attempted a comic page in like... A year. I was doing nothing for way too fucking long and I hate it.
    Attachment 1200409

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  4. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Thanked 23 Times in 22 Posts
    i am in love with the style. simplistic, and charming.
    since its a comic I wouldn't say to add too many more details, it just lacks simple suggestions of movement.

    Im no expert in that field.

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Thanked 200 Times in 172 Posts
    Nice start. I'd suggest finishing at least this page. Then if you're really not happy, figure out a few things that need work and do a lot of studying. Then try again. You can only do your best and then practice some more. Eventually you'll just have to accept your skill level and finish it. I bet you would learn a lot more from finishing at least a chapter of a comic rather than studying, and you'd have a completed story to boot. Win-win!

    Some thoughts:
    -It took me a minute to understand the first two panels. I'm assuming the first panel is just unfinished and that the box up front is the building they're in?
    -I think what could help the second panel's continuity is to show some people dancing to the music, or zoom out and show that there's quite a few people clumped in here engaging in party activities. This is a halloween party or similar, right? Right now it's sort of two people in a group with a seemingly random guy in the foreground of the panel. This makes me unsure as to what I'm supposed to be focusing on. If the objective of the panel is "Show viewer some characters enjoying a party", then emphasizing poses, expressions, hand gestures, etc. would help clarify I think. (kind of what spiritvanished was referring to I think)
    -Following that, if you showed people in front of the dj booth (in a way that leaves the focal point on the dj), I think it would make it seem like she's in the same room as the partiers.
    -I think the last 4 panels make a nice little sequence. It just took me a minute to figure out how the first part relates.

    So yeah, clarity is objective #1 imo. I'd just work on making the content of each panel really describe the important thing going on. It's a great start though, so keep at it!

    Also, I'm absolutely no expert so you may disagree with all of this. I understand! Good luck.

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  7. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    HELLsinki, Finland
    Thanked 2,687 Times in 1,644 Posts
    I'm just going to leave this here:

    Also, I'd be interested on seeing the failed two attempts, or maybe your page thumbnails? A lot of problems can be prevented in the thumbnailing process already.
    And yeah, agreeing with eekolite about clarity.
    I originally read the the panels like this
    Someone just kick me in the ass.
    because the two dark figures lead the eye to right and the row of panels down until the glance to the left eventually to the DJ panel, and I was really confused because I couldn't find the snarling thing from that. If it's important for readers to notice the angry-thing, use something that makes people see it.

    Also overall, the loose panels don't really work for me (especially in black and white) because it's harder to even notice some panels. Maybe add more gray or black behind the panels that kinda "hover" over the main images?
    "I eat comics and poop stylization"
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  8. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Ottawa, Canada
    Thanked 1,197 Times in 870 Posts
    Watch your silhouettes. The art's actually pretty charming, but there's not a lot of life in them. Good silhouettes and lines of action will help a lot. The girl with the feather, for instance, could benefit by a more contrapposto pose, a change in arm position, and maybe a bit more variation in the hair. Same with the other characters, it's mostly tweaks in the posing.

    Also, if the characters are in the big box, then I'd flip that first panel establishing shot. Having the characters looking from right to left in the second panel, the reader will assume they're in the building on the left in the first. Look up "180 degree rule" for more information. Not to mention, you can see it more clearly so it becomes the focus. Everything else stays pretty much consistent, but keep it in mind on future pages, since it adds to your storytelling.
    The Nezumi Works Sketchbook - Now in progress

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    "Skill is the result of trying again and again, applying our ability and proving our knowledge as we gain it. Let us get used to throwing away the unsuccessful effort and doing the job over. Let us consider obstacles as something to be expected in any endeavor; then they won't seem quite so insurmountable or so defeating." - Andrew Loomis

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Aotearoa (NZ)
    Thanked 1,330 Times in 271 Posts
    I'm not all that great with sequential art but I can give a little advice regarding line weights. The basic formula I've come to grips with over the years is treating them almost like suggested shadow, but not quite. Somewhere halfway between just flat outline and drawing an actual cast shadow. Never been good at explaining things only show so I had an attempt at drawing that character of yours. Obviously, we draw in a completely different style but same rules would apply.

    Try experimenting with screen-tone for large flat shading rather than hatching, to me it just seems too distracting from your main drawings, they seem to clash. As everyone else said there's some nice charm in those drawings but I'd still try and keep those proportions in check, and maybe get more drawing under the belt. At the mo those faces look generalized, same face, same angle, shows limitation if you ask me. Get out of that comfort zone!

    Keep at it mate. It's obvious you need more inspirational videos from Rob Liefeld, I can assist there ;p

    Last edited by Rusty; March 30th, 2011 at 10:47 AM.

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