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  1. #1
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    Illustration and Comic page Critique

    First off, a character with a background painted around him. This was new approach and hearing opinions would be helpful.
    Name:  aldech_new_web.jpg
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    Secondly, I'm looking for criticism on this comic page rough for composition.
    Name:  phobius_epi1_01_lines.jpg
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  3. #2
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    I think the first picture has real promise. At first glance it looks great, but the background begins to falter and get muddy in some areas. Specifically the edges of the walls and the area around the lamp look a bit shaky and too soft.

    Whats the character doing? Is he getting ready to plunge that wicked looking dagger into the ball/tomato? He'd better not use too much force. There's something strange happening with the joint of his wrist/hand on the right arm.

    I think the big panel in the comic composition has a pretty good sense of depth.

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  5. #3
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    The comic page: The center focus of the page is aligned to the center.

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  7. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star Eater View Post
    I think the first picture has real promise. At first glance it looks great, but the background begins to falter and get muddy in some areas. Specifically the edges of the walls and the area around the lamp look a bit shaky and too soft.

    Whats the character doing? Is he getting ready to plunge that wicked looking dagger into the ball/tomato? He'd better not use too much force. There's something strange happening with the joint of his wrist/hand on the right arm.
    .
    Hey Star Eater, thanks for the reply. The BG was originally painted with harder edges. I blurred out to force more focus on the character. In retrospect I feel the FG has enough focus and I'll tighten those edges back up. The lamp I felt needed a blurry glow, the real cause is I didn't reference it. At all lol. Will dig up some stuff for that.

    The character IS ready to cut the fruit! (S'posed to be an apple) Backstory is he leaves apple cores as a calling card or something. The hand I will possibly revisit.

    The comic page: The center focus of the page is aligned to the center.
    Yo SenK, are you saying having an overall focus to a page is bad? Or should not be in the center of the page?

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  8. #5
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    Your floor perspective is wrong, if fact its all over the place in comparison with your figure
    The figure proportions is also out, small torso and head and his pose is very stiff (& slightly leaning forward)
    The 'town' could use some work as it's reading (to me) very flat.
    Apart from that a good start!

    As for the comic page - do you have a lot of text for this page - it would be helpful to know?

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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matsign View Post
    The character IS ready to cut the fruit! (S'posed to be an apple) Backstory is he leaves apple cores as a calling card or something.
    Ah well, in that case his intent to butcher the apple with the knife has come across.

    That knife is going to make a real mess though...

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  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Venger View Post
    Your floor perspective is wrong, if fact its all over the place in comparison with your figure
    The figure proportions is also out, small torso and head and his pose is very stiff (& slightly leaning forward)
    The 'town' could use some work as it's reading (to me) very flat.
    Apart from that a good start!

    As for the comic page - do you have a lot of text for this page - it would be helpful to know?
    Thanks a ton Venger! Gonna focus on getting this comic rough nailed before I go to ink. Then return to the illustration.

    This is my first go around for comicing and its gonna be a BIG learning experience! Here is the updated page with the jist of the bubble placement. Some minor FX in p.2. Two speaking bubbles in p.2:
    Name:  phobius_epi1_02_lines.jpg
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  12. #8
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    Hmmm, if it was a lot of text I would say it wasn't to bad, but with only 2 bubbles its too much bottom right, with a lot of empty space.
    I'd suggest you move the shot a bit more - see PO, bear in mind I don't usually do comics - these are just ideas

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  13. #9
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    Good suggestion. I like that placement of the characters in the layout. P.2 I would like to keep as an establishing shot with enough background information balanced with the speech. I'll be getting back to this later this evening for a revision.

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