Crits and comments on this personnal piece

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  1. #1
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    Crits and comments on this personnal piece

    I think it's time to get feedback on this 'almost finished' very personnal piece.

    It's named "Tout ira bien" ('Everything will be ok')

    To explain the meaning : when I was 14 years old, I was diagnosed with a cancer, and now that I am 34, I wish I could go back in time and told to that poor frightened kid that, even if it will be hard, even if sometimes he will suffer as never in his life, even if he will never be able to use his right knee, even if this will change his life forever... "Everything will be ok".

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    Last edited by Bengiskhan; December 9th, 2010 at 05:51 AM.
    "No ai banda, no ai orchestra"
    blogiskhan
    My sketchbook
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  3. #2
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    Hi

    Love the swirly colors leading up from the sick boy's shoulders and over the tall boy. However, the rest of your colors (e.g. on the walls and floor) are messy/smudgy, and that makes the swirly colors above look accidental, as if you don't know how to paint colors smoothly. I'd really tidy up the walls etc.

    The sick kid and the older kid are in different styles; the older one more realistic and the younger more caricature (esp his big eyes). I think this would have more impact if you make the sick kid, body and face, more realistic.

    Finally, the expression in the older boy's eyes doesn't make me think "all will be well". It looks like he's saying "you're in trouble now".

    Hope that helps.

    D'Arcy

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  4. #3
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    I wonder what's in that intravenous drip. o_O

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  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by arenhaus View Post
    I wonder what's in that intravenous drip. o_O
    I will edit the first post to explain the why of this painting, even if it's hard for me in english words.
    The tube goes to a central 'catéther' (directly plugged in a central artery), it's used to give chimio more efficiently (instead of intraveinous on the arm for example)

    >justa : yeah, you're right, thanks, I will try to improve that.

    Last edited by Bengiskhan; December 9th, 2010 at 05:49 AM.
    "No ai banda, no ai orchestra"
    blogiskhan
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  6. #5
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    I just read over your back story for this, and it's a touching concept, very nice. Keeping that story in consideration, I have a couple suggestions for you:
    - Perhaps put a little more separation on "older guy" from the boy's scene to reinforce the impression that he's from that sky world. Maybe instead of the black shading on his waist, make it more the environmental color of the sky.
    - I think the coloring on the walls/floor in boy's world is confusing or negating the story/effect you're going for with the sky man. I suggest making the boy's world extremely desaturated (almost greyscale) so we can feel that this is a supernatural occurrence and at the same time, reinforcing the dreary, hopelessness of the boy's world.
    - I know the boy has no eyebrow hair, but I think if you at least gave him slightly frowny brows via shading, it would put the least hint of expression (fear) on his face. In that same line of thought, I suggest easing up on the bulging eyes (a result of the cancer?) because I think it throws off the expression some and makes the boy look strangely cartoony.

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  7. #6
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    Thx for the advices :
    Here is a try to update...
    Crits and comments on this personnal piece

    "No ai banda, no ai orchestra"
    blogiskhan
    My sketchbook
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  8. #7
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    New update, crop, tweak colors, arrange eyes of both.
    Hope it's better ^^

    Crits and comments on this personnal piece

    Still not finished I think...

    "No ai banda, no ai orchestra"
    blogiskhan
    My sketchbook
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  9. #8
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    Update, a lot of changes, hope you'll find it better ^^
    Crits and comments on this personnal piece

    "No ai banda, no ai orchestra"
    blogiskhan
    My sketchbook
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  10. #9
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    Whoa. I liked it to begin with but that last update especially is a huge improvement, I think.

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