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  1. #1
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    Critique this idea?

    Is this the right place?

    Magic System:


    Nytheam is the word for crystallized into a glassy mineral rock, depending on the region; it will have a certain ‘elemental’ energy.

    It is to be believed that Nytheam is a biological rock, formed from the breaking down of animals that held such elemental energies and also the environment for thousands many years.
    Creed: everyone has 'elemental energies' as all living organisms are affected by their envirorments.

    Proof of such things is that a Water Nytheam would have some sort of shell imprint imbedded into its surface, and Earth Nytheam would bits of plant remains in it too.

    They appear as circular and sometimes faint glowing orbs—though many overlook it as being shiny. Only noticeable at night, really.

    Lately Nythea has been used a lot less, and the most more recently used Nytheam is Sanarea, formally known as White Nytheam. Reason is, Sanaream is compacted together by certain specialists to create a healing Nytheam, though only those who are well versed in the subject know how to use it properly as the sedimentary-like rock is very delicate.It is compacted by several Nytheam.

    The reason why, is that the use of military advancements has actually decreased the usefulness for the rock.

    How to use it: Usually, the most old common type of us for Nytheam is usually infact incorperated in gloves.

    The magic user usually has the opposite element on their gloves of the spell they want to use, then they take a larger Nythea orb, the energies that the both orbs collide, creating a disturbance and the large Nythea orb invokes the ‘spell’. Since it’s more powerful.

    Nytheam users are still needed today, but not strongly anymore, they are sometimes used for battle. They are never frontline, but sit in the back, casting spells, offensive or healing but it was to be believed way back then, Nytheam users were just as deadly with using swords instead of using staves and rods today.

    The new way to incoperate Nytheam was forging the nytheam in weapons.

    Instead of placing the orb minerals on the staves, which wasn’t as powerful since the force ‘softened’as the opposing element energies travalled upwards to its opposite element. They ground large quantities Nytheam into a fine powder, forge it into a detachable handle.

    Why are these spells – called spells?
    Humans all have energy with them, that is obvious; the two opposing elements are still helped by the human element. It takes willpower as well as mental power to evoke a spell. That is why you simply can not use it; it takes many years of training to accomplish mastering a spell.

    It also lead to be believed that there are rare Nytheam that was used to summon creatures made out of the same energies.

    There is also a fantasy legend about Nytheam was used to transport things, aswell as a gate to the other worlds.

    Therefore adding onto the magical/mystical quality to the element, eventhough most people don’t believe in such things.


    Element: Strong Against

    Fire Ice

    Ice Wind

    Wind Earth

    Earth Thunder

    Thunder Water

    Water Fire

    Dark Light

    Light Dark


    Main elements and most abundant:

    Water, Wind, Earth

    Rarer:

    Fire, Ice, Thunder

    Rarest:

    Light and Dark, Sanaream.

    Light elemental Nytheam are usually used for minor injuries however, they are used strongly for religious idols and are believed to ward of shades and demons.

    Only cities usually have this sort of protections and sometimes Inns.


    ----------------

    Also, disregard since nytheam can be required with a liscense ( such as bounty hunters and the like can obtain it. though they must be over the age of 20 to actually use nytheam)

    Sorry for grammar mistakes, I fail at it eventhough I'm going to become a sophmore in highschool


    if you have a deviantart, you can view it here too: http://sepapa-san.deviantart.com/art...tory-176291856


    edit:

    ALSO. This concept probably has a LOT of flaws in it, because... well... yea.. XD;.
    Last edited by Marlo; August 21st, 2010 at 08:59 PM.


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  3. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marlo View Post
    Is this the right place?
    Well, the Critiques/WIPs section is really for critiquing art, so, no. I guess the Lounge is the best bet.

    Tristan Elwell
    **Finished Work Thread **Process Thread **Edges Tutorial

    "Work is more fun than fun."
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    "Art is supposed to punch you in the brain, and it's supposed to stay punched."
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  5. #3
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    Oh, Thanks!

  6. #4
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    Ice>Wind

    Wind>Earth
    I only skimmed it, but...what?

    Also, how exactly are Ice and Water two different things? Might as well add Steam as another element.

    That's always bugged the crap out of me whenever I play JRPGs. Just because it's a convention doesn't mean you shouldn't question it.
    Last edited by Psychotime; August 22nd, 2010 at 11:21 PM.

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  8. #5
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    My quark-gluonplasma imp will SLAUGHTER all of your shit.
    SLAUGHTER.

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  10. #6
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    If this is for a game, you need to get a prototype working first, and then ask for a critique.

    I mean, the idea itself sounds fine, but you have absolutely no idea how enjoyable it is to play. You don't want to spend weeks writing this stuff if you can't get feedback on well it functions as a system. As a result, I'm betting that if you ever do get this game made, you are going to have to redesign almost all of this.

    Again, I say this only because it appears your intentions were to design a game. If that wasn't true, then disregard this message in its entirety.

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  12. #7
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    tl;dr...
    Last edited by Yeti Ball; August 22nd, 2010 at 12:18 PM.
    And do be sure to check out my sketchbook if you have time!
    ketchook
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  14. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goog View Post
    If this is for a game, you need to get a prototype working first, and then ask for a critique.

    I mean, the idea itself sounds fine, but you have absolutely no idea how enjoyable it is to play. You don't want to spend weeks writing this stuff if you can't get feedback on well it functions as a system. As a result, I'm betting that if you ever do get this game made, you are going to have to redesign almost all of this.

    Again, I say this only because it appears your intentions were to design a game. If that wasn't true, then disregard this message in its entirety.
    It's for my story :blush: I didn't mean for it to sound like a game, I don't even have the knowledge or skill to do that. lol.

    As for the elements, I'll fix that Dx. I messed it up a bit and wow, I will add steam that's a good idea!

    Thanks for your feedback, I'm not sure what you mean by SLAUGHTER, though :blush:.

    tl:dr = The magic/elemental system is controlled in stones, and the larger the stone will make a 'spell'. So you have two 'stone' (nytheam) with the element and the element that opposes it.it's suppose to have a reaction and invoke a 'spell' ( the more powerful, larger 'stone')

  15. #9
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    I believe you might be confused as to the purpose of this forum, which provides a place for VISUAL artists. You are welcome to hang around but there is a strong possibility very few of the users here will have anything useful to say on this rather confusing and unclear subject.
    CRITIQUE AS YOU WOULD BE CRITIQUED
    http://conceptart.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=59
    THE ABOVE LINK IS ALL YOU NEED

    http://www.conceptart.org/forums/sho...d.php?t=200044 <- Sketchbook - filled with unhappy things.

  16. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mordus View Post
    there is a strong possibility very few of the users here will have anything useful to say on this rather confusing and unclear subject.
    Open your mind wiiide open:

    A few glitzy lighting bolts on a otherwise empty canvas isn't enough to tell a story.

    If I were to draw/paint a magician casting a spell, the glitzy effects of the magic would most likely not be my starting point. Sure, I'd have to pay attention to it as soon as I'd begun paying serious attention to the lighting. But initially, I'd try to figure out the narrative of the piece. The composition and structure would have to be in place before I could start rendering out the details. What am i trying to portray? Who is the magician? Where is he? Why would he be casting a spell? What's the emotional content and gamut? etc etc.

    Now, there's a million ways to start building a story, whether it be in text or picture (same thing, anyways) form...but unless you're a seasoned professional, don't start noodling on the details before the basic structure is in place.

    Good luck
    In the future, everyone will have 15 minutes of privacy.

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  18. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by squidmonk3j View Post
    Open your mind wiiide open:

    A few glitzy lighting bolts on a otherwise empty canvas isn't enough to tell a story.

    If I were to draw/paint a magician casting a spell, the glitzy effects of the magic would most likely not be my starting point. Sure, I'd have to pay attention to it as soon as I'd begun paying serious attention to the lighting. But initially, I'd try to figure out the narrative of the piece. The composition and structure would have to be in place before I could start rendering out the details. What am i trying to portray? Who is the magician? Where is he? Why would he be casting a spell? What's the emotional content and gamut? etc etc.

    Now, there's a million ways to start building a story, whether it be in text or picture (same thing, anyways) form...but unless you're a seasoned professional, don't start noodling on the details before the basic structure is in place.

    Good luck
    Thank you!

    I'm trying to construct the 'elemental wheel'

  19. #12
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    Form follows function. If this is a setup for a story, think about what your characters need to do and sketch out some rules accordingly. I wouldn't say make it up as you go along, per se, but you'd be surprised how much fiddly world building detail evolves naturally over the course of a story. You can refine the rules when you make a pass over your first draft.

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  21. #13
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    www.absolutewrite.com

    good site for just such a thing.
    "Everything must serve the idea. The means used to convey the idea should be the simplest and clear. Just what is required. No extra images. To me this is a universal principle of art. Saying as much as possible with a minimum of means."
    -John Huston, Director

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  23. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Senira View Post
    Form follows function. If this is a setup for a story, think about what your characters need to do and sketch out some rules accordingly. I wouldn't say make it up as you go along, per se, but you'd be surprised how much fiddly world building detail evolves naturally over the course of a story. You can refine the rules when you make a pass over your first draft.
    Thanks!

    and thank you Omen!

    *waits impatiently for her firefox to access the site XD*

  24. #15
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    A concept isn't a bad place to start the story, it just cannot take centre-stage. I recently got to work on a really long-term project which had its origins in my investigation of positron/electron pair-production in thermo-nuclear runaways, but evolved into a sci-fi black comedy using The Memoirs of Casanova as an "inter-text." Don't get stuck on the concept because people can't care about concepts; they can care about characters and what happens to them (be a sadist!).

    Also, if it's fantasy, you don't need so much critiquing of the concept because it's not plausible in any case. As a fantasy writer, you need to address topics that you cannot address with any other genre. Ask yourself, "why is magic absolutely necessary for the story I'm telling?" If you want something to be plausible and you're into hard sci-fi, you might want to do some research and possibly post your inquiries on a place like Physics Forum: www.physicsforums.com
    That is, after you've exhausted Google and Wikipedia.

    And OmenSpirits has already provided you with a good link for the most important part -the writing itself.

    hope that helps
    Brendan Noeth


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  26. #16
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    Thank you very much. It affects the characters in their style of fighting. Would they use a 'spell' or would they use their own human limits XD. Thanks again :].

  27. #17
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    Very detailed and yeah a bit confusing, I must admit I didn't read all it sorry. However it is never a bad thing to have alot of detail when writing a story and characters but don't get bogged down on it or the story will drag, but you can always have it in the back of your mind whilst writing your characters and this will flesh them out all the more. But you don't neccesarily have to put in every detail...

    ...this book is amazing for advice on what to avoid when writing...

    http://www.amazon.com/Write-Novel-Th...2&sr=1-2-spell

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