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I found the problem with the private messages.
the limit per user was 60, i upped it to 200.
If you have a bunch of old pm's it would be wise to narrow them down some for the servers sake. and if anyone wants me to mass prune their pm box just let me know here.
Apparently only the admin's and mods could get over 60 messages, so the problem was unclear to me for awhile.
Should be good to go now