Greetings and Critique Request
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  1. #1
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    Cow Greetings and Critique Request

    Hello all, I'm new to this community and thought I'd first post a quick introduction.
    I'm a industrial designer and illustrator who has been working in the toy industry for several years and recently have begun working towards a career shift in the direction of the entertainment design industry. I'm going to make an effort to try and find time to participate in CA's weekly activities as frequently as possible and I look forward to getting to know you guys and hopefully developing as an artist.


    Here is a WIP for this weeks C.O.W. The topic is "Great White Carnivorous Worm With Young"

    A day at the beach interrupted by a massive Great White Carnivorous Worm and her hundreds of larva. They plunge up out from the surf, devouring people left and right, typically head first I'm imagining great white shark meets those pastey white grubs you find under rocks as a kid.

    This is really one of the first rendering I've done like this, I mostly do cartoony illustrations for toy packages, and right now I'm not really happy with how it looks. It looks flat maybe? I can't put my finger on it... anyone with more experience got any advice? Thanks in advance!
    Name:  Cow 175 wip.jpg
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    Last edited by Yeti Ball; May 6th, 2010 at 08:40 AM.
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    Great job on the this. I didn't see the young right away but it was because the mother caught and held me right away. You have a good chance.

    I'm the guy that does his job! You must be the other guy!

    http://conceptart.org/forums/showthr...73#post2633373 <- longest link to a sketchbook ever.
    http://thesketchersden.blogspot.com/
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    I think you have too much color. This could be ameliorated by making the sea-monster's mouth less pink and closer to the hue of the sand. I think that will enhance the focus a little.

    Think about the compositional elements. Do you have any thumbnails of alternate compositions? Try diagonal lines and x-shapes.

    What are you trying to accomplish with this picture?

    The composition is definitely interesting and entertaining. You've obviously got a very rough sketch right now, but I am confident you'lll develop it further. Good luck.

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    I actually like this a lot! I like the "unfinished" affect of it and the many colors! nice

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    Thanks for the feedback. Anyone want to take the gloves and give me some bare knuckle critique? I'm glad you guys like it but I'm trying to root out problems... can anyone tell me what is not working here?

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    The people on the beach, and the beach itself (the environment) need to have the same attention to detail that the monster has. Right now it's a bit ambiguous to me, in terms of where this is going. You might want to do some
    studies of beach scenes, water, people, etc. to help you with this scene. It is looking a little flat:
    A single light source somewhere (above right or left maybe?) producing some shadow will help make it appear less flat.
    I hope this helps...

    ~Zombifried
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    Too gaudy.

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    Red face

    Quote Originally Posted by Xaritonof View Post
    Too gaudy.
    Could you elaborate?

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    The prospect of colors broken, climbs back burner to the front.
    People in the foreground should be improved.

    Sorry for my english ; )

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    I think what's mostly not working is chaos. There is no real point of focus, I really don't have a clue where I should be looking so my eyes go all over the drawing. It's much more pleasant if your eyes can go over the drawing in a circular movement, for example.

    There is also little atmospheric depth (colour fading towards the distance) and I think you really need to consider the scale of the elements in this drawing as opposed to eachother. I don't know how far away those birds are (again the sense of distance that is missing), but if they're closer to the monster than they are to the people, they should be much, much smaller.

    Overall I think the picture is in too sketchy a state for me to really make out what's what and give critique accordingly. I would rework your composition and especially try to get a good feeling of distance and scale in the picture. The tilted horizon is working very well though, I think I would push it a little further even.

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    revised

    Lhune, thanks for the advice. I've attached a different composition based on what you said. What do you guys think?

    I am relatively familiar with the "rules" of composition. In the first image i was going to try to use the mouth and head of the mother worm as the main focal point, but as Lhune said it wasn't really working too well.

    In the new comp I think the baby worms are now definitely competing with the mother, but I kind of like the new one better. I've heard people say that only true masters should even attempt to include two focus points in a composition, but this is not strictly a painting but also a "informational illustration" which is supposed to show both the mother and the young so maybe its alright.

    (edit: i've added a second image as an other option)

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    Last edited by Yeti Ball; May 7th, 2010 at 09:20 AM. Reason: adding a second image
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    I think what Xaritonof means by "too gaudy" is that the sand is *extremely* orange. The saturated sand and its harsh contrast with the water and sky draws attention away from all the cool stuff in the painting. A whiter type of sand will serve you better -- reference is key to get it to mesh well with the water.

    "Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it" -- Confucius

    "Imagination is more important than knowledge" -- Albert Einstein


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    Quote Originally Posted by Soulweaver View Post
    I think what Xaritonof means by "too gaudy" is that the sand is *extremely* orange. The saturated sand and its harsh contrast with the water and sky draws attention away from all the cool stuff in the painting. A whiter type of sand will serve you better -- reference is key to get it to mesh well with the water.
    You're absolutely right. Looks much better now with a less saturated beach. Cheers. I think i finally worked out the comp to a point where i think its working well.

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    I really enjoy the new composition. Thanks for illuminating the purpose of the drawing

    Also, I look forward to seeing the new, less saturated sand!

    One more thing: where are the shadows for the monsters? Increasing THAT, even if only slightly to retain the atmosphere of pleasant-day-on-the-beach-gone-HORRIBLY-WRONG, would definitely add something to the painting.

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  21. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by anniebelle View Post
    I really enjoy the new composition. Thanks for illuminating the purpose of the drawing

    Also, I look forward to seeing the new, less saturated sand!

    One more thing: where are the shadows for the monsters? Increasing THAT, even if only slightly to retain the atmosphere of pleasant-day-on-the-beach-gone-HORRIBLY-WRONG, would definitely add something to the painting.
    Thanks Anniebelle... here is the "final" composition. I've toned down the saturation on the sand and removed the people on the left and added rocks instead. I liked the vertical comp posted above but ultimately i think this is a stronger image.

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