Shoot away with anything but I am looking particularly for compositional, textural, and lighting errors. Anything that can improve this is great though.
Thanks in advance.
I like the repetition of the angel statues on the architecture.
Currently the girl doesn't really look grounded on the bone pile, nor does that look like a particularly comfortable spot for an extended study session. Her foot position is rather casual for someone who's most likely got a bunch of femurs poking her in the butt/thighs.
A secondary focal point might make this piece feel a bit less static. At the moment there really isn't much to explore in this piece, and that it could be cropped down quite a bit without much loss.
There's a lot of good stuff going on here. I like the concept and the overall feeling. There are a few problems, which I think the untrained eye would overlook, but should be fixed anyway.
As Prince911 said, the rays of light need to be angled down more, so that is makes sense that they would be lighting that part of the wall. Right now the rays would be hitting much higher up than they are, if left alone.
And Aphotic Phoenix is correct in pushing the figure down into the bone pile so it looks like she isn't floating above it. But I don't know if I would add a secondary point of interest, or just change the one you already have. The railing to be specific.
The railing at the bottom pulls your eye down the arch, which has its own problem I'll get to later, and competes with the figure too much. I suggest 2 solutions, either crop it as Aphotic Phoenix said by cutting off the entire lower portion of the painting from the highest point of the railing over, or extend the bone pile over so that it looks like the pile is going to flood into the viewer's environment.
I did a quick repaint to give you an idea.
Now about the arch. The window and the arch seem to be going in two different directions. I would suggest you rework the perspective on the arch to match the window, as the window looks correct for the angle of the room. The way it is now, looks like the window wall is twisting at the bottom.
I hope some of that helped!
Oh, and I reworked the angle a little on that wall. It's still not perfect, but this is just to illustrate my previous point.
I agree - the thing that strikes me is the light from the window doesn't correspond to the light hitting the wall, subject and bonepile - if it is right on the edge of the "chimney/column" then seems like it should also illuminate some books on either side - I mean it might not but best not to "hide" where things disappear if that makes sense? The way the shadow and light hit all that will really tell a lot about the structure and keep it from being too flat. OK - I'll try to do a quick paintover...
"Squunching" her down into the bones is brilliant.
For some reason my eye keeps getting drawn to the upper left blue banner - it doesn't seem to match the other one but also since it seems to be billowing a bit it is the only piece "in action" so is distracting...
paintover may make it clearer...
This is going to look like World of Warcraft patch notes...
Lighting issue: prince911, Brady, and Jeff, you guys caught this and it's a good one. Angling the rays of light didn't look very well IMO but Jeff's alternative solution was flawless. I tried to make it better but I just couldn't think of any other way; it made sense logically and it also makes the composition more interesting. I also added a bit of "hotness" by giving the environment more warm flying dust, at least I think that's what prince meant.
Perspective: Brady, your critique on perspective was spot on. The archway and window looked awkward. I fixed them and hopefully I changed all the brick patterns to accompany the new changes. If I missed something, please mention it as it's 4 am right now...
Sitting position: Good eyes, everyone. I was in complete disbelief when I didn't see this.
Secondary focus: This one was tough. I tried many things to add a secondary focus in the bottom half of the composition but I couldn't settle for anything. I ended up doing what Brady suggested and extended the bone pile. I might go back to this if any ideas spark up. It's still looking a bit empty to be honest. Cropping is a fair solution but I'm leaving that to the last resort. Thanks, Phoenix and Brady.
Flag: Fixed... I think.
Thanks for posting, everybody. I didn't expect this many paintovers. If there are any more concerns or improvements to be made, please mention it.
Last edited by Alex Chow; January 10th, 2010 at 05:29 AM.
i see everybody likes to paintover alex's work
good job alex. I am bad at rendering. So, can't comment.
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Good job - I think you got a lot of good feedback because it is a strong piece to begin with. The banner is way better - now - doesn't distract. Watch that left hand light patch - it shouldn't go right into the corner of the the bookcase and column - you have to take into account the shadow of the column. Also I think the character could use a little stronger shadow - the one you have indicated seems like it's from a fairly diffuse, ambient light source - so punching that in a little stronger and keeping in mind the angle of light - her upper body leaning away from the wall, etc. should make her pop a little more and exist a little better in space.
Good job - keep it up!
At least on my monitor, there is a sharp, dark line that separates the bookshelf and the column (red line). Admittedly, the cast shadow of the column on the bookshelf (green shaded area)is around the same value as the column's form shadow though I figured I have shown the distinction. I will make the two shadows more distinct in my next update.
Hopefully I interpreted the critique correctly. This may very well be a monitor calibration issue which I'm dealing with right now but I will try to fix it regardless. Maybe I can make it more obvious though I cannot guarantee it will fix the issue. If anybody else is seeing the same thing, then I will make it ridiculously obvious in the update after.
I painted this piece on a Macbook and I realized it may look VERY dark on PCs and even other Macs, merging shadows unintentionally. If anybody has any suggestions on how to fix this issue without repainting the entire piece, please tell me.
mary: I'll see what I can do. Now that you have mentioned it, I did get a little lazy on drapery shadows.
Okay, hopefully I fixed the problem. I'm getting a new desktop monitor next week with better colours so I have no clue if I even fixed anything. I darkened her cast shadow and the column wall shadow increased the brightness slightly to differentiate the column, bookshelf, and the shadow the column casts on the bookshelf.
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