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  1. #1
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    Short Comic (need reviews)

    Working Title: The White Rabbit (and the One that Got Away)

    This is a weekly project that I'm working on with my friends where we come up
    with a word to use as a theme and everybody works on a piece (short story,
    music, art work etc.) relating to that theme individually.

    This weeks theme was 'rabbit' and this is the story that I've come up with.
    It is read from left to right.

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    Last edited by Dubu; August 10th, 2009 at 02:19 AM.
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  3. #2
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    To clear up somethings about the plot of the story, the rabbit is the manager of time, and the queen's servant.
    The Mad Hatter sung a song for the queen once, but was sentenced to execution because the queen didn't like his song.
    She said that 'he killed time', other word for waste of time, but in my story i took it literally. So the hatter's ability was
    to 'kill time' where the rabbit's abillity was to 'control time'. You can sort of glimpse what the rabbit was doing to the kids,
    she was stealing their time. Alice used to be a victim but she escaped. And this time she came back to kill off the rabbit
    and save the kids with the hatter's help. The hatter avoided execution by running away and the rabbit, the queen's
    servant, was trying to locate the hatter and deliver him to the queen.

    So there's the plot for you.

    Last edited by Dubu; August 10th, 2009 at 02:21 AM.
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  4. #3
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    Oh god I cracked up when Mad Hatter Alice pulled out a shotgun! Keep working on this its fantastic!

    E: because I feel like I should add SOME kind of advice, make sure the hat is bloodied in the last panel.

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  6. #4
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    I know the artwork is the bit rough in the beginning but towards the end i really started enjoying drawing it and put a bit more effort into the artwork. However I feel that the actions scenes are a bit awkward any suggestions on how to improve the action scenes to make it seem smoother?

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  7. #5
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    well if i may suggest you can make changes by zooming in some panels next to zooming out panels. like for example in the page 16 upper panel you can just cut it 50/50 zooming in on the first panel to her hands and to next zooming out to her actions (showing her), i noticed also that you have focused on each panel showing heads of the character. i hope you know what i'm saying...and hope it helps. i will reply if you want me to explain further...

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  9. #6
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    I think I understand what you mean, thanks for the useful info!!

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  10. #7
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    interesting. Roughs show potential. Good storytelling.

    "Everything must serve the idea. The means used to convey the idea should be the simplest and clear. Just what is required. No extra images. To me this is a universal principle of art. Saying as much as possible with a minimum of means."
    -John Huston, Director
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  12. #8
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    thx, however i feel that my story telling wasn't sufficient enough since some people needed extra explanation to understand the story fully

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  13. #9
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    I didn't need explaining, so it goes down as individual comprehension. I read primarily manga, both chinese and japanese, and some korean. Don't know how it effects my ability interpet, but it helps.

    "Everything must serve the idea. The means used to convey the idea should be the simplest and clear. Just what is required. No extra images. To me this is a universal principle of art. Saying as much as possible with a minimum of means."
    -John Huston, Director
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