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  1. #1
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    Vedette - band illustration critique...

    Hello everyone, here is an illustration for a local band in Ecuador called Vedette - alternative rock is their style. This is the progress so far on the lady.
    What do you recommend in general? I'm pretty much open to every critique possible. I'm aiming for a stylized sexy female look (not at all realistic). I don't want it to look very clean, i want her to be a very urban character. People right now mainly have suggested to add a background to her, but really I want to make something like Ian Francis would do. Still I'm all ears...

    thanks in advance,
    GRINGO

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  3. #2
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    BUMP - common people I can't believe nobody doesn't have anything to say...

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    My first thought is she has creepy half fingers. That and I think the shoulder needs to come backwards more it's awkward and looks broken.

    As I look it seems like you're going for upwards momentum and this kind of dead ends at her hairline, maybe if it was curved up towards the smoke it wouldn't stop by eye.


    Otherwise this reminds me alot of Ben Templesmith

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    I first saw the head and I thought: 'This is amazing! Look at how wonderul the shading shows the bones in the face, the full lips and the detailed nose.
    Then as I travelled further down the body, I noticed a change. There's nothing worng with the lines style, of course, I just feel... it doesn't fit with such a realisticly shaded head.
    You said that ypou were going for rough and rugged style, but that head... it's just very plished, ya know? So, I'd either make the head less realistic, or the body more so. (If I were you, I'd go with the latter - it looks like a lot of time went into that head.)

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    I really like the hair and that stylised thing you're going for. Only thing I have to remark is that the hand weirds me out quite a bit, and she looks so, so clean

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    hey people sorry for the bumping... but I'm glad you gave your thoughts on it.

    Neondevil - thanks for the comments. Would you mind doing a paintover of the anatomy corrections so I can correctly see what you are saying? I've never heard of Ben Templesmith before, i checked out his site and was amazed! thanks for the comparison... but i really don't feel my work has a similar feel to his.

    Ayem - hey i never really saw the head that polished.. but now that I think of it - your right. I gotta get rid of those lines on her body and up her "realism" of her, so everything seems more uniform.

    Tangrim - Hey Tangrim - can you help out with the hand? I'd love to see your paintover too. It was very difficult for me to see the correct form when i initially drew it - i'd love if someone can point out the obvious errors of it with a paintjob.

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    Wish I could do a paintover for you, but currently I find myself stuck on a very tiny laptop with no graphic programs whatsoever installed. Did you try holding a stick (or something like it) that way and looking in the mirror for reference? Your fingers wrap around an object like that, you'll see Or maybe they don't, when you decide she has a loose grip.

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    Vedette - band illustration critique...

    The main problem with the fingers is that they appeared to short, and that the palm of the hand was what was curling around. I'm not sure if you were going for a loose grip or a tightly clenched fist. (It looked like loose, so I kept it that way.)
    Just had to make them look longer by drawing a couple of lines.

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    I'm with Ayem about the whole thing....but also her left arm seems off, it seems shorter than her right arm due to the placement of her elbow....notice how much higher up her left one is versus her right? It's also blending in with her body....somewhat appearing as though she has no left arm. Those fingers really are an issue....they taper way too much.

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    If i compare your concept to ian francis' work, it seems like he uses a lot more saturated colors in specific strategic places. You have some on the mic and the stockings, but you can push that a lot more. Perhaps in the bg, making the wall change some colors? A fancy pattern on the blanket? More color.

    One thing that i personally don't like is how her left arm and her leg are kinda disappearing into 'cut offs'. The hand is hidden by the thigh, but the leg disappears in the blankets. It's too similar how it happens and with the same side of the body. Having a sexy heel/foot there would be a neat finish for that vibrant panty. Also, what's going on with the other leg? Is there a hole in the bed that eats her calf? Is it bended? In that case, you lack depth there. Add some indication of shoes there to solve? Or perhaps have the big toe peep over the other leg a li'l. The hair is nice graphically, but the hairdo doesn't seem to make sense and makes her forehead non existant. Add bangs or at least some indication of skin under that. Figure out her hairdo and then do it graphically, cos now it's too blobby.

    Nice style and goal. What you have so far looks nice, but you can push it more.

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    Hey you loco GriNGo,

    Personally, as a fan of your linework and style...I like it. What I think is missing, is your signiture color, although I think that could be client driven.

    The smoke is great.

    The blanket, or whatever she is sitting on, I guess I'd expect more out of it.

    Right now I see three seperate focal points...the smoke (thanks to its non-traditional rendering) the microphone, and her legs

    It makes it a little disjointed.

    I look forward to seeing this develop!

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    I'm a guy that loves to write long posts about all the various problems in an image and how to fix them. This is so stylish and good. I love it, I have no notes. I could talk about anatomy or any number of nit picky bits that I would have handled differently. Not a single one would make this image stronger. My hat is off to you sir. It is a great concept well executed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GriNGo View Post
    hey people sorry for the bumping... but I'm glad you gave your thoughts on it.

    Neondevil - thanks for the comments. Would you mind doing a paintover of the anatomy corrections so I can correctly see what you are saying? I've never heard of Ben Templesmith before, i checked out his site and was amazed! thanks for the comparison... but i really don't feel my work has a similar feel to his.

    Ayem - hey i never really saw the head that polished.. but now that I think of it - your right. I gotta get rid of those lines on her body and up her "realism" of her, so everything seems more uniform.

    Tangrim - Hey Tangrim - can you help out with the hand? I'd love to see your paintover too. It was very difficult for me to see the correct form when i initially drew it - i'd love if someone can point out the obvious errors of it with a paintjob.

    Yeah but it'll take me a little bit. In the mean time look at yourself in the mirror without a shirt for now and assuming you're a guy tone down the muscles and you should be ok.

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    your figure drawing sucks,
    but your color treatment is rad!

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    The style is very neat, I love the colors you used. The face has a lot of depth to it, but the back and arms seem very flat. I think this is because the arm closest to us has a large flat white-ish space and the back is so dark. If you can just carry the shading and depth you have in the face throughout the rest of the body you'll have it made!

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    I really dig the style you've got going on here and you've got some good suggestions I think. My favorite part has got to be in the facial area. The way it's shaded, the glow of the cigarette on the mic and the geometric smoke coming out of it is all really nice.

    I only have a little suggestion-- That is to take that nice geometric smoke pattern and repeat it somewhere else in the image. Maybe consider using it to shade some areas in the lower background and in the folds of the sheets. I think this may be something that will bring more unity to the image and more interest in other area other than the face.

    Also, what will this be used for specifically? A poster? I assume it will have text on it, but where will you put it? When you place your text, keep in mind text is just as important to an image as the picture.

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  21. #17
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    Thanks everyone for passing by.. Just wanted everyone to know that I'm grateful for your suggestions, and I'm currently working on fixing what was pointed out. So thanks! Lets hope that before the 31st I'll have this baby finished I'll try to post an update this christmas.

    Tangrim - I'll look at the mirror. thanks for the help!
    Ayem - Thanks, the fingers definitley look short. I'll fix that.
    Penabled - Yep, the elbows are wrong. I saw that, but I liked how it looked aesthetically.... but you are right about correcting anatomy. on to the "to fix" list.
    Cookiedough - woah, thanks for the mega-crit! Ditto about the color - i'll try to work on it as I progress. About the dissappearing leg, your right... I think I'm going to add a toe or part of the foot in there to make that are a bit more complete. About the hairdo, yes it needs more work. once again thanks for the wonderful crit!
    Sundance - hey bro, thanks for passing by! About my signature color, as cookie said i think it will be there in some way or another - and yeah, "signature" sounds too awesome for me... i personally feel "lack of understanding of" color goes better with my style, but anyways, thanks for that!
    Subtle-Squid - that was too kind bro, so thanks for your heart warming comment! I am going to change some stuff, because most of the people here have good points about what's wrong or missing in the illustration. once again, thanks!
    Neondevil - oh no, i would be an awful reference for the sexy lady i'm trying to achieve
    waranghira - well, i just need to practice a bit more then. until everyone is pleased!
    A simple chimera - thanks for the tip! this is a must do as well.
    AmandaMyers - Hey,thanks for passing by! About the geometric patterns, yep I'm going to put more of them.. nice tip. In this project, the main use is for a poster (and maybe this will turn into the cd packaging). I'm planning to put the info&text on the empty spaces on her sides - i'm not sure if I'm going to use both spaces, but I will worry about that out later on.

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    Talking

    hmmm.. i got carried away with the progress here's a small update - fixed the low elbow, erased the fugly hand (totally going to redo it!), painted her arm a bit (to add more volume), experimented with the background (client colors!) Please tell me what you think!

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  23. #19
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    the straight n yellow ruined the somber mood.

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    Whoa whoa that's very, very different! It's so busy, bustling and bright now that you lost the mood of the picture.. The black section is redundant now, the background takes away every single bit of attention from the figure and you just erased the hand you had trouble with!

    (I'm sorry I couldn't do your paintover when you asked, when I replied to this I was sitting at an ancient laptop with my tablet being a hundred miles away from me..)

    Aw.. I liked the inky, messy background and tight figure. It's jumbled up now, it's all about the yellow and pink in the background now. It looks like a candy-cane sugar carnival almost, instead of the nostalgic smoky somberness that looked so fitting to a slightly burlesque singer.

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    I agree with Tangrim, are those the colours the client wants for the background? If thats the case then the whole image should be colorful with something to make the character stand out. If you can, take it back to how it was, it looked cool!

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    Huh. I wasn't that bothered by the right hand. It seemed within range for acceptable stylization.

    I'm more bothered by the left hand, unseen. The way the left arm is curving back, my brain instantly assumes her hand disappears right up her hoo-hoo.

    A little compositional tension I could do without.

    I was once on the receiving end of a critique so savagely nasty, I marched straight out of class to the office and changed my major (sketchbook).
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  27. #23
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    Kill the yellow and orange - it's horrible. Maybe the pink could stay or even add more, but fainter.

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    Agreed, the image was totally cool in the first post, now it's garish and uninteresting. You had a mood that is now lost. And erasing the hand altogether? That's just lazy. Come on, you've got the skillz now show us how much you rock.

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  29. #25
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    Thanks for the posts everyone - i think i wasn't quite clear about the "erased hand". I erased it because I'm redoing it! not because i don't want it there or laziness. The color choices are a client decision in the end, and personally I think they work - but no choice is definite, so the final version might be different. The background was going to change of course, I wasn't going to leave like it was in the first EARLY stage I posted. The client asked about giving the piece a "pop art" feel, and that's why I chose it. What you see here is an experiment, nothing more. Most people in this thread seem to dislike it... & most people outside the forum in Real Life seem to like it a lot - so this means I'll need to find a compromise between the two groups of people, so everybody is somewhat pleased - so thanks I'm commenting guys & gals, really appreciated One more thing - Stoat - she's supposed to be masturbating in some way, hence the disappearing hand. I put it there without asking the client, and he seemed to like it a lot. So it's staying there (hope you're not disgusted).

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    Naw. Not disgusted. As long as you meant it to look like that

    I was once on the receiving end of a critique so savagely nasty, I marched straight out of class to the office and changed my major (sketchbook).
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  31. #27
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    Stoat - yep, I meant it to look like that

    Well here is a small update: I fixed the hand, and made the background a tiny bit less explosive. It's barely noticeable but the change is there. Made some other misc changes here and there, but they are small (added a possible logo, to see how the placement of the text for the poster could work) What do you think so far?

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  32. #28
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    hey cool cover just an idea but mabe if you lowerd the saturation a bit softer or dropped a bucket pink or what have you and play with the layer functions a bit the hand is way better dig the stlye

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    The pop-art feel is fine, but since the background is so strong comapred to the character, she's drawn away from our attention, and ultimately, all anyone is focused on is the background. You could easily keep the style, but I'd still have the same colours you used in the original.
    By the way, hand looks better!

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  34. #30
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    The yellow stuff needs to go. This is not a style preference or personal taste, it looks really bad and everyone here has said so. The older version was much better and much better suited to the character style.

    Try making the arm straighter, stylize it a bit, it looks too lumpy. And maybe add some more lighting/modeling to the hair. Good start and the hand is getting better... but please, for the love of god lose the yellow stuff. If you want to do a pop art look, do a pop art image. It's just not suited to this one.

    -Sid

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