My first post (My city loves, My city Hates)

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  1. #1
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    My first post (My city loves, My city Hates)

    Hi there all CA members or at least the ones who'll read this,

    this is my first post on CA and I will greatly appreciate any critique.

    These illustrations were made to be used in an interactive flash animation entitled "This is my city tumbling in on itself". I described my city as an organism which loves and hates. These illustrations serve as a setting for the narration that takes place.

    So tell me what you think, Please.

    Animation inspired by:

    The Dead Flag Blues – Godspeed You! Black Emperor

    The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
    and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
    and a dark wind blows
    the government is corrupt
    and we're on so many drugs
    with the radio on and the curtains drawn

    we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
    and the machine is bleeding to death

    the sun has fallen down
    and the billboards are all leering
    and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

    it went like this:

    the buildings tumbled in on themselves
    mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
    and pulled out their hair

    the skyline was beautiful on fire
    all twisted metal stretching upwards
    everything washed in a thin orange haze

    I said: "kiss me, you're beautiful -
    these are truly the last days"

    you grabbed my hand and we fell into it…
    like a daydream or a fever

    we woke up one morning and fell a little further down -
    for sure it's the valley of death

    i open up my wallet
    and it's full of blood

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  3. #2
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    My City Hates

    Hi, sorry I forgot to add the "My city hates" illustrations...

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  4. #3
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    oooohh i like. Nice choice of colours to distinguish between the love/hate aspects. My biggest crit right now would be to get rid of the white. I don't think that if you're going to give the background a fill, your foregroundand focal objects should be left plain white. I think in both cases the tree and what looks like Davy Jones' painting palette can do with at least a soft pastel fill.

    Also maybe grab your tablet and put some more rendering into the heart and brain - give them some good dimension to really make them pop out of the picture plane.

    Now just some ideas to play around with maybe, depending on how specific you are on your concept: The heart might be repeated - maybe a far quicker drawing of the same heart - and that could be used as the flowers instead of the ones you already have. Also see how it works out if you isolate the heart you have there - place it in a speech bubble or circle or something to isolate it from the rest of the picture. Then - with this last one - I think it'll look great if you divide the picture plane, have the brain on the one side with its background and the contorted palette on the other with a different background. That way they won't become random elements floating around, but two objects that will engage in a visual conversation.

    Of course, all this depends on your concept and how well it ties in. This stuff for IMD or personal? Love the idea either way.

    Oh yeah - the phobia thing was for Illo minor... don't got no time for them there personal stuff.

    hope that helps man
    have a stucking funning day, kay?

    Brendan Noeth

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  5. #4
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    Hay man, thanks a lot for the valuable crit. I agree with you on most of it and will render some changes in future time, these illustrations are already animated for my IMD project so whatever time I spend on it now will be for private "experience" and fun.

    I must add that this was the first time that I used more bold colors and really bumped up the saturation, I like my tree being white but I agree with you that the palette needs some shading.

    Thanks again, you're opinion means a LOT to me!

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  6. #5
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    no prob man glad I could help.

    Don't know if you know about this Mr Photoman, but you might be interested in it: http://www.photographymob.org/forums/
    it's the bastard offspring of CA and a CAmera...

    ciao

    kan jou nie pm, blykbaar kn jy nie pm's ontvang nie? iets in jou profile settings.
    ek gooi dit sommer hier neer, hoop nie jy mind nie:

    Quote Originally Posted by Eckardt
    Hey man, baie dankie vir jou crit. It makes perfect sense!

    Net `n site related vraag gou-gou. As ek `n gallery wil begin, moet ek maar al my werk in `n sketchbook sit?

    Lekker dag*
    sketchbooks is good vir feedback, maar ek weet daar is `n gallery function hier - dan kry jy een soos die mense wat thumbnails bo an die page het. Ek het dit net nognie probeer nie, weet amper niks daarvan nie.

    Maar as jy die gallery wil uitcheck gan na die "edit" button heel bo aan die page - dit behoort jou na `n page te vat waar jy kan begin images upload.

    Jy's sort of lucky om my hier te vang, ek was fok-lanklaas hier, kom maak net elke nou en dan `n draai haha.

    lekker dag meneer
    ciao


    Last edited by Brendan N; September 7th, 2008 at 07:02 AM.
    Brendan Noeth

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